Undeniable
by assilem33
Summary: **COMPLETE** Despite the utter chaos of it all, Bella's entire life was her husband and their two kids…then HE moved in across the street and changed everything. A tale of lies, deception and utter heartbreak. B&Em and B/E Rated M. Major tragedy!
1. Prologue

**This story is going to shred my heart to pieces. I already know it. This IS a Cheatfic. There will be a B&Ed HEA, but it's going to do incredibly heartbreaking things to my soul first (maybe yours as well). There will be lemons (do we still call them that?) between Bella/Emmett. I know some people were thoroughly pissed about that in YMBF, but it's just what I do, so this is my pre-apology. My favorite thing to do each morning is to open my email and read reviews, so don't be afraid to write one even if it is a guest review that cuts me down to shit. haha :)**

**This prologue is a shorty. Chapter One will be posted today.**

**Twilight is not mine. Copyrights, trademark items, characters, etc…belong to their owners. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

**~*Prologue*~**

…BellaBrandon…

_What am I doing?_

_What am I doing?_

_What the fuck am I doing?_

The unfamiliar lips on mine are both unwelcome and fucking soul changing.

The hands holding my face are too soft nothing like the roughness I'm so used to, but _perfect._

_He's not my husband._

_He's not my goddamn husband._

I jerk away from him, and his glossy green eyes scorch me from the outside in. "We can't do this…"

He pushes closer, his hands tangling in my hair. "Why not?"

_Why not?_

"I'm married…"

"So am I."

_Oh shit. _

_Shit. _

_Shit._

_SHIT!_

"I'm fucking _married_!"

"So…the fuck…am _I_." He pushes me into the door, his erection digging into my stomach and yanks my head back. "Don't fight it, princess," he whispers, his lips once again back on mine. "This, _us_, it's undeniable. It was always going to fucking happen."

_Fuck me._

My hands unwillingly find their way up the back of his shirt, digging in and scratching. He groans into my mouth, and I kiss him deeper.

I can't fucking stop it.

I cannot fucking _stop_ this.

His hands wander. They fucking wander every part of my body, and I am begging for it. His touch, it's so fucking different, so fucking _right._

_How can that be?_

When our clothes are gone and he's sliding into me, I feel fucking euphoric.

This shit is otherworldly.

Life changing.

_So fucking life changing._

I want to cry.

I want to rip his fucking hair out.

I want to know why the fuck he moved in across the street and turned my world upside fucking down.

Who does that?

Who the fuck waltzes into someone's life and changes their entire perspective?

I want to fucking scream.

Instead, I pull him closer and kiss him even deeper, wanting the feel of him inside me to never ever fucking end.

It's going to end.

It's going to fucking end.

It _has_ to.


	2. Chp 1: Crazy Train

**Okay, we're going to start off with the _calm_ kind of crazy. **

**Remember when I talked about guest reviews...I am getting very hostile vibes. LOL Not that I don't enjoy reading such hostility. Also, a lot of guest reviews are very likable. It's just _sometimes _that "guest" tag scares the absolute shit out of me. I can't discern who's who. Also _also _"fuck" is my favorite F word. Anyway, fanfiction is being a royal pain in the ass right now. I can only see reviews through my email. **

**I think later down the road, I'm going to hate myself for this story.**

**Also, this will be an Edward/Bella HEA. Bella's cheating on Emmett. Edward's cheating on Renesmee ****(I know that may be weird as shit, but I'm tired of Tanya and Victoria.) F****or my sanity, I will call her Mae. Yes, Mae sounds like a 90 year old grandma ****(unless your name is Mae then it's _beautiful) _****or the middle name of my 10 year old niece. Anyway, Edward doesn't belong with a _Mae _(Edward and Mae...no passion whatsoever), so of course that's her name. **

**Okay, and one more thing, Nova and Jack Jack are very endearing. And for the love of all that is holy, if I put Emmett in the high chair instead of Jack Jack, TELL ME, so I can change that complete failure lickety split (But please do refrain from rolling your eyes and giving me a real good tongue lashing, LOL). In one of my other stories I had 16 year old Max just swinging away in a baby swing. Talk about ****embarrassing. I'll never live that one down.**

**I do not own Twilight. It owns me (just kidding).**

* * *

**~*Chapter One*~  
**_-Crazy Train-_

…BB...

Emmett's still snoring and down the hall I hear Nova _fake _coughing over and over. Only six years old, and she already knows how to play me.

Well, it only worked the first couple of times but now I've totally got her number.

Nova _hates_ school with a passion. I don't get it at all. She's brilliantly smart, _smarter _than I ever was. She has my sister's brains and my attitude which makes for one awesome girl.

It's only five in the morning, and she's gotten good about waking herself up with plenty of time for the theatrics to run its course. Thank God Emmett's home today. He may love the absolute shit out of her, but he's a real stickler for school attendance.

"Nova!" I yell, making Emmett grunt. "Go back to sleep. You're going to school today!"

Silence.

_Cough._

Silence.

_Cough. Cough._

"I'm soooooo sick, mama," she raspy yells, the little faker. "I don't think I can go to school today."

I snort and roll over, peeking at the baby monitor on my night stand. Jack is still snoozing, _thank God_. Once that boy wakes up, all hell breaks loose. Have you ever seen _The Incredibles_? Well my little ball of fire is living up to his name, that's for fucking sure.

"You're going!"

Silence.

This is all part of her plan, just wait. If not for Emmett, she'd have me hook, line, and sinker.

"Fuck, sweetheart. I'm trying to sleep."

_Sleep? _

_In this house? _

_I don't think so._

"Rise and shine, daddy-o. Nova's at it again."

He cracks an eye open and glares at me, ineffectively I might add. My husband is _not_ a morning person. We're one in the same. Us and Jack Jack, we suffer together with the likes of Nova around. She's one hundred percent an early bird with no consideration for those around her.

I leave Emmett in bed and trip and curse the entire way to our bedroom door. Toys are thrown all over the place in every room in this damn house, and it's like a right of passage to lose a toe nail or jam a big toe at least once a week.

I peek in on Nova, and she can pretend, she can hide, but I see her. _I fucking see her._ It's hard to miss those brilliant blue eyes as she peeks her head out from under her blanket. I cross my arms on my chest and give her my best _mom_ look. You know the one. Of course she's not phased one bit.

"My stomach hurts," she lies.

"Why were you _coughing_, hmm?"

She tilts her head, already looking for a way to fumble through the bullshit. "I don't know, mama. It's like…_making_ me cough."

I shake my head in irritation, even if she is the cutest damn kid I've ever seen. "You're going. Don't make me get daddy."

She throws herself back onto the bed and lets out a mean little growl. Nothing new here. I leave her to her tantrum and head down the hall to the kitchen. I start the coffee and grab a banana, jumping up on the counter to eat it. I only have about five more minutes of peace before World War III starts tearing through my house.

The Arizona sun pours through the kitchen window, and I can't fucking stand it. I'm, of course, okay with sunlight. I'm not a vampire, but the less sun that touches my skin, the better. Emmett says our house needs to be _lit the fuck up_ or else we're going to be walking around like zombies all day.

He's not wrong.

Down the hall I hear movement, but it's not the sound of Nova's feet pattering wildly across the wood floor as she gets herself ready. Yeah, my 6-year-old is crazily independent. Let me try to pick out her clothes and the claws come out.

Emmett saunters into the kitchen, shirtless and looking mighty sexy in his gym shorts. "Please tell me that fucking coffee is done."

"Good morning to you, too, Mr. McGrumpy."

"Mornin', sweetheart." He kisses my shoulder. "Now, coffee. I'm going to need it having to wrestle Nova out the fucking door."

I snort and hop down from the counter, pushing my way in front of Emmett to pour us both a cup. I hand him his and toast him, clinking our mugs together. "Good luck. She's on a rampage. I can already tell."

"Fuck. How can someone so tiny and cute be such a fucking monster?"

I shrug and sip.

Sip and shrug.

Fuck if I know why she's the way she is.

Okay, _maybe_, I do have a little something to do with it.

"I can't find my shoes!" Nova yells.

"Don't yell, No," Emmett yells back. "Jack Jack's asleep and if you need help, you come out here and ask nicely."

I crinkle my eyes at him over my mug and count to five in my head before I hear the fiery cries of our son down the hall.

"Dammit," Emmett groans.

"Hey, he may be a handful, but he's our handful. Now who wants to be the one to go get him?"

"Not it!" Emmett yells, chuckling when I flick him in the nipple.

I run down the hall and into Jack's room, finding him standing in his crib, his teeth gnawing at the wood. "Good morning, Jack Jack," I coo in my _mommy's crazy_ voice. "My wittle baby's awake." I pull him into my arms and cuddle him softly, trying not to anger the wild animal. I kiss his face and pet him lovingly. "Mommy wuvs her wittle baby."

Surprisingly the little rug rat goes with it.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my children, I _really_ do, but man is being a mom fucking hard. You'd think after raising Nova for six years I would have already been the master of Parenting 101, but that girl, she's testing me every single damn day.

Little Jack here, he was a surprise if I ever saw one, but not unwelcome even if he does sometimes make me want to crawl into a ball and cry for weeks on end.

No, no, that was an exaggeration.

I only want to cry for days on end.

Jack yanks on my shirt, telling me he's _hungry. _I sit in the corner rocker and let him go to town on my poor boobies. At 10 months old, this is the only time he's calm, and I adore the way he stares up at me with those big blue eyes as he eats. Breastfeeding is so tender and special.

"Daddy," I hear Nova say _sweetly_.

"_No_, No. You're not missing another day. Hurry up, eat your cereal before you miss the bus."

I hear her grumble, and Emmett chuckle and know Emmett did his job well.

After Jack is well fed, we head down the hall to find Emmett and Nova waiting at the front door. We have to keep watch for the bus or it'll just pass on by then we'll either have to chase it down or drive Nova all the way to school.

Nova turns at the sound of Jack's excited screech and holds her arms out for her little bro. These two get along surprisingly well for being so similar. I place Jack in her arms, and he rests his head on her shoulder like she's some kind of baby whisperer or some shit.

_How do you do it, Nova?_

_What's your secret?_

That big yellow bus comes chugging down the street, and Nova holds onto Jack for dear life when I try to pry him from her arms.

"No, cut it out. Give him to your mom."

She whispers something to Jack before handing him to me, and I'm legit a little fucking scared.

Emmett laughs at my expression, and we both kiss Nova goodbye before she runs through the yard and up the steps of the bus.

"Damn. She's a fucking handful."

"Tell me about it. I'm starving."

Emmett takes Jack and gives him a little love before putting him in the baby cage also known as the _Circle of Hell._

Nah, I'm just kidding.

_Kind of._

No, _really. _I'm kidding.

I sit on the counter and eat toast and jelly while Emmett stands between my legs, stuffing his face with two breakfast burritos. I've never seen anything sexier than my big man eating.

He tosses our plates to the side and yanks me to the edge of the counter. "When does Jack Jack go down for a nap?"

I start laughing. "Oh shit. You're funny, Em. Jack Jack hasn't napped since the day he was born."

"Your kids are nuts," he says, kissing each of my boobs that hang out the top of my shirt.

"My kids, huh?"

"Yeah. Damn, Jack Jack's a lucky guy getting these all to himself."

"Dada!" Jack screeches, and Emmett groans and falls forward, burying his face in my cleavage, motorboating the hell out of them.

Such as the life of parent.

No time for nookie.

Emmett bites me roughly, and I cry out and slap him upside the head. He fucking laughs and then goes and tends to Jack.

Emmett comes back with Jack in his arms, and I hop down from the counter. "I think I'll shower," I say, skirting away from the two. Emmett's blue eyes flare, and I turn and walk backwards. "You'll watch him, honey?"

"Just show me one tit," he begs, the crazy fuck.

I slowly lift my shirt and flash him, making him growl but then Jack mocks him, and Emmett laughs it up. "Does my boy like mama's boobies too, huh?"

"Emmett! Don't talk to him like that."

"Oh, please. You know he loves them more than me. Lucky dude."

"You're crazy."

"Go shower, sweetheart. I got him covered."

I leave Jack with Emmett and take the longest shower of my life.

"Oww, damn, Jack Jack, no biting!"

I snort and stay in a little longer.

~o~O~o~

"What are you doing?" Emmett walks out of the bathroom completely naked, droplets of water sporadically dotting his chest.

How can I be so fucking exhausted but ready to roll in the hay with just one glance at his massive cock?

"What are _you_ doing?" I ask, tossing my book onto the nightstand. "Just felt like being naked?"

"Sweetheart, in about three minutes this…" he points to his erection. "…is going to be buried so far in your pussy, you'll feel me in your throat. Why are you still wearing clothes?"

In three seconds I'm completely naked and flat on my back with Emmett on top of me. We haven't had sex in at least a week, and I'm roaring for a go at my hot as hell big guy. "Shit, my boobs are leaking."

Emmett laughs and bites my lip. "Fucking forget about it." He rolls to his back so that I'm straddling his stomach, and I grab my shirt and wipe my chest. "Come sit on my face."

Fuck, he's dirty, and I fucking love it.

I climb onto his face and grip the headboard as his lips wrap around my poor neglected clit and sucks. He kneads my ass and licks and sucks me until I'm delirious. God, I miss this shit. It was hard enough with just Nova but now with Jack Jack, making sweet love to my husband is few and far between.

He doesn't let me finish and uses his big hands to slide me down his body. I reach behind me and grip him in my hands, holding him up so I can slide him inside.

"Fuck, sweetheart…"

I move my hips slow, running my hands up my stomach and across my heavy tits, gripping them lightly so not to have them squirting all over the goddamn place. Emmett's blue eyes are dark, and he licks his lips. I grip my thick blonde hair in both hands and throw my head back, giving him a show and a nice ride.

His low feral growl tells me my big strong sexy firefighter likes it.

I've still fucking got it.

Jack's cry pierces the air, and Emmett turns to stone. "Fuck no…fuck _no._ Keep going, sweetheart."

He grips my hips savagely, and I drop my hands to his chest and stare into his wild blue eyes as I slide back and forth on his big cock. "Yeah, yeah…right there. Fuck yeah." With every slide of my hips, his eyes get darker, and my clit gets the rub it needs to make me come, and I _do_, so fucking hard.

Emmett growls and lift his hips, biting his lip to keep the roar from leaving his throat. "Shit." He closes his eyes, and I squeeze his pecs, scratching down his chest as he finishes inside me.

Jack's still crying, and Emmett pumps his hips lazily. "Do you think if we let him cry it out, he'll fall back to sleep?"

"Not on your life, baby."

He taps my hip. "Give me my cock back, and I'll go get him."

I laugh and fall to his side, reaching blindly for my panties and slipping them on along with my tank. I watch Emmett's tight ass as he pulls on his boxers and when he leaves the room, I jump up and clean up in the bathroom.

When I come back out, Jack's crawling all over Emmett's big body, and when he sees me, he opens and closes his little fists, arms outstretched toward me.

"He's being kind of angelic at the moment," Emmett says.

"Mamamamamamama," Jack coos and dribbles and babbles, and I crawl over Emmett and lay on my side. Jack grins and dives next to me.

"Is my baby boy hungry? Oh yes, he is. Yes, he is." I pull my shirt down and cradle Jack into my side, and he goes to town, his hand resting on my chest. It's these little moments that make the absolutely fuckery during the day worth it.

Emmett rests his head in a hand and watches us, envious I'm sure. He's not much into sharing. He must have slept through that part of school.

"God, I'd kill to be Jack Jack right now," he says, smirking, and rubbing a hand along Jack's side.

I feel my eyes getting heavy, and the next thing I know, Jack's gone and Emmett's asleep with his big head in my belly.

I close my eyes again knowing morning will come quick enough, and I need all the rest I can get when dealing with three crazies.

~o~O~o~

"What the fuck is that fucking noise?" Emmett pushes at my shoulder and steals my pillow to cover his face.

Told you, we are not morning people.

I slap his pillow covered face and roll out of bed to check what in the hell is going on. I peek through the blinds and see a moving truck across the street.

What the hell?

"I didn't know the house across the street was for sale?"

I look over my shoulder at the same time Emmett pokes his head out, squinting at the brightness. "I didn't know either. Close the blinds, sweetheart."

Rolling my eyes, I let the blinds close and crawl back into bed. Emmett pulls me against him and starts snoring immediately. I'm close behind when Nova barges into the room, wide eyed and bushy tailed. "I got no school today," she sing-songs dancing her sassy little ass around the room. "I got no school today. Ha. Ha. Hey. Hey. Hey. No school today!"

"_Nova_," Emmett barks then under his breath _why, God, why._

"Daddy, don't be lazy," she says, climbing up the bed and sitting on his chest. She slaps his cheeks gently, and he pretends to bite at her hands making her screech like a banshee.

"You're going to wake Jack Jack," Emmett gripes, covering her mouth with his big hand. "Keep it down, will you! Daddy's exhausted."

"But, I'm hungry, and I don't like the way mama makes my cereal."

Oh give me a fucking break. "You just pour the cereal and then the milk, Nova. It's not hard!"

She gives me her _I'm smarter than you _look, the little shit. "Daddy pours the milk _then_ the cereal. It tastes better that way."

I slide my eyes to Emmett, and he's smirking. "Well, since _Daddy_ does it better, let's go, you little psycho."

I laugh and Nova squeals when Emmett picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and leaves the room.

She is such a daddy's girl, it's beyond crazy.

Deciding I better get my shit done now while Jack's still sleeping, I crawl across the bed and slide to the floor and head into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I peek back out the window at these mysterious neighbors.

No one's outside, but my curiosity is peaked. That house has been empty for years. Who would just randomly move in without notice?

"Mamamamamamamamaamama," Jack calls from his bedroom, and I shuffle down the hall, tired as hell still and ready for a nap.

Jack's literally trying to climb the top of his crib when I walk in, and _holy shit_, he can't be doing that. "Jack!" He flinches and rolls back to the other side and looks at me all wide-eyed and pouty faced. Like good damn Lord, he's going to give me a fucking heart attack. I pick him up and do my normal cuckoo baby talk – it's like I can't help it – and then I carry him down the hall and to the kitchen where Emmett and Nova are eating cereal.

I grab some baby mouth melting treats and put Jack in his high chair deciding he can have my boob for dessert today.

"I'll get my own cereal. Don't worry about me. I'll pour my _cereal_ and then my _milk_ the normal way."

Emmett and Nova laugh their asses off, and I shovel cereal into my mouth like a starving animal.

"Where's the coffee, baby?"

"It's in the pot, sweetheart," he says, but he says it like _duh._

"Thanks for getting me some. How considerate of you."

He gives me his _are you serious right now _look, and I nod like _hell yes I'm serious._ I pour my own cup and add some vanilla creamer before swallowing almost the entire cup in one go. Coffee is my lifeline. I need it to survive. I wish I could get my coffee straight into my veins intravenously.

"Your sister invited us to dinner tonight at your mom's," I say, swallowing my last bite of Captain Crunch. "I told her we'd go."

Alice Brandon is truly a pain in my ass. She's the poison apple in Snow White. She's the deadly prick on the spinning wheel. She's the beast of all the beauties. She's also my best friend.

Emmett hates when we get together. He says we cause so much unnecessary shit between his family, but his family – aside from Alice – is fuck all crazy. They are a bunch of stick up your asses goody two-shoes. I mean, they tell me how bad my kids are. Like, bitches, I _know_ how crazy these kids are, nobody needs to tell me how crazy they are, and the _only_ people who can call them crazy is me, myself, and I.

And Emmett.

"Are you going to behave?" Emmett asks.

"Not on your life."


	3. Chp 2: Heathens

**Warning: There's some mini lemons of Emmett and Bella in this chapter (thank you for your nice review, guest :) ).**

**I hate myself for making Emmett perfect in my eyes. The fall's just going to be that much harder.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Two*~  
**_-Heathens-_

…BB…

Mary Brandon pulls open the door to their pretentious house like she's the First Lady of the White House, and we're her lowly subjects, and _damn_, does her attitude annoy the hell out of me.

I thank God every day that Nova and Jack Jack weren't born with sticks up their asses. I haven't noticed any up Emmett's either. It must not be genetic.

Mary pulls Emmett into a hug while Jack mauls my face with tiny fists and giant sized teefers. Nova's huffing loudly at my feet, still pissed I wouldn't let her wear my high heels. Those babies were like six inches. She would have broken both ankles and then I would have been given _the look_ at the ER. The one that says _are you sure you didn't do this to her yourself._

_No, doc, but do I ever imagine things like that?_

_Also, no._

"Novalie," Mary says, and she's one brave cat because no one, and I mean _no one_ calls Nova _Novalie_ and lives to tell about it. I can already see the steam coming out of Nova's ears.

"No…" Emmett warns, and seriously, I know it's wrong, but I really want to fucking laugh right now.

"My name is _Nova_, Grandma."

If Nova _hates_ school, she fucking _loathes_ the name Novalie. I happen to think it's a beautiful name, but Nova does know best after all.

"And how is Jack doing?"

Currently, he is ripping my hair from my scalp, but I'd say rather peachy. Emmett does me a solid and pulls Jack from my arms, and I, _yes reluctantly_, give his mother a hug.

To be fair, Mary and Briggs Brandon have never liked me. I've never been pretty enough or tall enough or even _poised _enough. Emmett says Mary had to go on antidepressants when he broke it off with the royal _Rosalie._

Alice says she's still on them even after 10 years.

I told you!

_Fuck all crazy._

He didn't even love her.

Jack's back in my arms and Mary's leading us through the house. Nova's purposely scuffing her feet on the immaculate tile, and Emmett's giving me wide-eyes like it's my fault Nova feels the tension and wants to stir shit up.

_Who's kid even is she?_

I hear Alice before I see her, and she's ranting and raving about the latest celebrity gossip like Briggs of all people gives one shit about Psalm West.

When the sitting room comes into view, I spot Briggs on his chair smoking a cigar looking the picture of _stick up ass._

"_Nova_," Alice screeches and runs across the room, yanking Nova into her arms and twirling in her circles until they're both dizzy.

Nova eats that shit up.

Alice is Nova's favorite person alive aside from Emmett. They are like two peas in a pod. Okay, more like two little devils in the eighth circle of hell, but that's neither here nor there.

Jack is talking nonsense as Alice sets Nova on her feet. Emmett has to steady her with a hand on her shoulder and then Jack's being pulled from my arms, and Alice is kissing all over his face and saying things like _who's the cutest boy in the world _and _I could just eat your face off._

Jack squeals – in terror, probably – and then Alice is handing him over to Emmett and looping her arm through mine.

"Nova, doll," Alice says, holding her hand out. "I have a present for you."

Nova screams, making Mary flinch and Emmett chuckle. "What is it? Is it a puppy? _No, _a pony?"

"It better not be a fucking pony," Emmett calls as Alice leads us away, and Alice cackles.

"Emmett," Mary scolds. "Your language is appalling."

Turns out it wasn't a pony.

It was so much worse.

It's so bad I can't even talk about it.

~o~O~o~

"Sweetheart, make it stop," Emmett begs, shaking my body so hard I feel like I'm in the middle of a level 10 earthquake.

I have my head buried under my pillow, and I'm kicking him with my foot. "Just go take the sticks away!"

"Dammit," he grumbles, and I hear him leave the room cursing Alice's name the entire way.

It's literally five in the fucking morning, and it's been an entire week of this shit.

I fucking told you Alice was a pain the ass.

Seriously, _drums._

I'd rather pooper scoop pony shit out of the yard.

"_No_, give me the sticks!" Emmett hollers.

"But daddy, I'm playin' a _song_!"

"You don't play songs at five in the morning. Give them to me."

"But the song was for _you_, daddy!" She starts banging and belting out made up lyrics, and I fucking lose it.

There's a bang and a yell and then the sweet sound of silence. Emmett plops back onto the bed, and I lift my head from my hiding spot and see him shoving the sticks under his pillow. He gives me the look of death, and I start laughing.

"One of these days," he says, jerking me into his body. "We're going to sleep the fuck in."

_Okay._

He slides a hand into my pants and palms my ass. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart, before Jack Jack wakes up."

What seems like minutes but is really an hour later, the alarm goes off, and Emmett is moaning and groaning all over again. Tonight he has to work a 24-hour shift at the fire house, but this morning we have to go watch Nova in her _Bug_ play at school. She's a bee, and she's just buzzing to…oh, who are we kidding. She's _pissed_ because she wanted to be a grasshopper because they have all the good parts.

Emmett grabs my hand and places it on his thick erection. His eyes are still closed, but he's _wide_ awake. "Baby, what makes you think Nova's not going to break that door down any minute?"

He pushes my hand harder against him. "I locked it. We'll at least hear her first. Just give it a little suck. Come on, just one little suck."

Laughing, I pull his boxers down and let loose his massive member. I look up at him, and he's watching me with half-lidded eyes and a smirk on his lips. I lick a path from base to tip, and he hisses and grips my hair. "More…"

I suck the tip into my mouth, and he jerks on my tongue. Adjusting my position, I swallow as much of him as I can, using my hand and to make up for what doesn't fit in my mouth. He's seriously massive.

He's growling a deep symphony and my panties are drenched. I continue to make him feel good and slip my hand into my panties and play with myself as I give him a good mouth fucking.

"Shit, sweetheart. Fuck, it feels…_fuck_, yeah keep doing that shit."

Footsteps pound down the hall, and Emmett groans miserably. I suck him faster and sloppier, drool dripping down my chin, and he bucks his hips, chasing that release he so badly wants. He doesn't give me a warning when he starts to come down my throat but I take it like a champ, moving my fingers faster so I can get mine, too.

Emmett slips from my mouth and yanks me up his body. He pulls my panties to the side and sets me on his face, his tongue lapping at my swollen clit. I grab a pillow and shove it into my face just as I start to come into his mouth, my hips rocking and my legs aching.

Emmett gives me an even _wetter_ kiss right on the _lower_ lips before tossing me wrong side up on the bed. I catch my breath and listen as he goes into the bathroom and starts the shower just as the doorknob rattles.

Emmett laughs, and I kick him in the ass before running into the bathroom to brush my teeth. He lets Nova in, and I hear her asking for her sticks. Emmett doesn't give them to her, _thank God_, but tells her she can have them after school.

_What the hell._

_I'm killing Alice._

I pull on a pair of sleep shorts and an oversized cardigan before Emmett slides past me to hop in the shower, and I'm left to feed Nova her cereal. She watches me like a hawk as I pour the damn milk first, nodding her head in approval.

She's such a little shit.

"Are you excited for your play?" I ask, sliding onto the stool next to her with my own bowl of cereal.

Of course I know she's absolutely _not._

She gives me this evil little smirk, and I drop my spoon in my bowl. "Nova, you better not ruin the play."

"I'm not gonna ruin it, mama. Henri thinks he's better because he's a grasshopper."

"He's not better than you. Bees are cooler."

"No, they're not."

Shit, I know.

"Well, you just do you."

Nova hops down from her stool and starts _buzzing_ around the kitchen. "I'm gonna do this," she says and shakes her booty and throws her hands in the air like she just doesn't care. I snort and choke on my cereal and she laughs and starts singing one of the songs from the play.

Once she's done messing around, she asks, "Do I get to leave school early?"

I see no harm, so I say, "Yes, but you only have a few more weeks, so you're not missing another day."

She screeches and jumps in the air, yelling, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Can we get ice cream after and go to the zoo?"

"Ice cream, yes. Zoo…" _fuck no. _"No."

She pauses. "I'll ask daddy." She runs off down the hall.

"Nova," I yell, and she laughs like a crazy ass hyena. "I said no!"

If Emmett says yes, I will go on a rampage. I will fucking riot. The zoo is my worst enemy. The last time Nova planned a trip to the zoo, a camel got my hair stuck in its tongue. I thought he was going to rip my entire head off.

_No zoo._

I rinse the dishes and hear Nova, Emmett and Jack Jack talking and laughing and just carrying on.

_Such a good daddy._

Then, the drums start a wild beat, and Jack is scream-laughing.

_Fucking Emmett._

~o~O~o~

Nova stole the show.

_Literally._

When little Henri was singing and hopping around, Nova was shaking her ass and buzzing all over the stage, completely out of character for her part.

Her teacher was not having it, but the crowed loved it, and Nova walked off the stage satisfied.

_Seriously, where does she get it?_

"Ice cream," she yells as soon as we step outside, and Jack bounces in my arms excitedly even though he has no idea what the hell is going on.

Alice runs up to us and tells Nova how brilliant she was, high-fiving her and just talking Nova's antics up. That's why Nova's the way she is, because Aunt Alice encourages such fuckery.

"You want to get ice cream with us? I'm getting the most biggest one there!"

"Sorry, doll, but I have to stay at school."

Alice is a kindergarten teacher.

_I'm not even kidding._

Just not Nova's teacher. Can you imagine the hell those two would have started in that classroom?

"Come over this weekend," I say, grabbing Jack's hand before he shoves it in my mouth. "Em's off, and we'll BBQ."

"Yeah, sis, Bella will man the grill." Emmett knocks me with his body, and I shake my head. He pulls me into his side, and Jack says, "Dada!" and tries to climb him like a tree.

"Can we go?" Nova asks, yanking on my shorts. "I'm hungry."

We tell Alice bye and pile into Emmett's truck. When we get to the ice cream shop, Jack's screaming his damn head off. He can't have ice cream, but it's the boob he wants anyway.

Emmett gets Jack out of his seat and hands him to me before taking Nova inside for ice cream. Slouching down in the seat, I feed Jack and hold his little hand. Damn, I'm not always bad at mothering thing. "My wittle baby was hungry. Yes, he was." I rub a finger across his cheek, and he smiles around my nipple, making my heart fucking squeeze.

_Enjoy these precious moments, Bella, hell is always just around the corner._

I switch Jack sides and let him eat until he falls asleep. I put my boobs away just as Emmett and Nova step outside, a giant milkshake in both of his hands.

_Hell yes._

I roll my window down, and he hands me mine before helping Nova in. He hands me his and takes Jack from my arms but not before grabbing one of my boobs, the dirty dog.

We eat our ice cream on the way home, and when I look back, Nova is a fucking mess. Her yellow shirt is full of ice cream. "I keep dropping it every time daddy hits a bump."

"You'll need a bath."

"No. I'll just change my shirt."

"Fine."

When we drive down our street, the little old lady from next door is standing outside her house, her eyes on the house across the street.

We still haven't met the neighbors. I think they moved their shit in and then left, but from the looks of it, they're back.

With a goddamn _motorcycle._

It's parked right in the yard, just sitting there all shiny and sexy as all fucking get out.

_Who are these people?_

I hope they're not part of some motorcycle gang, although, I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing.

Have you _seen_ Sons of Anarchy?

_Okay, maybe it _would_ be a bad thing._

Emmett parks the truck, and we jump down. "Hey, Mrs. Levitt," I call, waving, and she lifts a gnarled hand in what can only be a wave back.

"We got new neighbors," she calls.

"Yeah, we noticed. Have you met them?"

"Nope, and I don't know that I want to. He drove up here like a bat out of hell. Damn hooligan's these days."

_Oh shit._

I grab Jack and Emmett gets Nova down. Nova runs to Mrs. Levitt and hugs her bony legs. That Nova, she is such a contradiction.

One minute she's spitting fire, and the next she's wearing a fucking halo.

"Bring that boy over here. He's gettin' big."

Emmett sneaks off, the giant asshole, and I bring Jack Jack to Mrs. Levitt, so she can have a looksie. She really is a nice lady, if not a little salty. Jack is deathly afraid of her, though. He wraps his hands around my neck and holds on for dear life, like he thinks I'm going to feed him to her.

Mrs. Levitt tries to tickle and tease, but Jack is not fucking having it if his blood curdling screams are anything to go by. Nova laughs, and I hold back my own.

"Well, I better get them inside."

She nods and pats Nova on the head. "I'll keep an eye out." She gives a nod to the house across the street. "I got 911 on speed dial."

I snort and drag Nova inside. She doesn't want to go. She wants to hang out with Mrs. Levitt.

_Crazy fucking girl. _

Emmett's kicked back on the sofa watching a baseball game, and I dump Jack into his lap and head for the kitchen for something to eat. "Do you want a sandwich?"

Nova's drums start an unsteady beat, and I move back to the living room and give Emmett a _are you shitting me _look. He laughs, and yells, "_Nova!_ Shut the door!"

The drums stop and her door slams but then the drums start again, only relatively quieter and not near silent enough. "I'm going to kill your sister."

"Hey, that's your best friend, sweetheart."

"So, sandwich?" I ask, ignoring that little tid bit.

"Yeah, I'll take one."

I make us both a sandwich, peeking out the window every now and then, kind of fucking curious about the rider of that sleek bike. He never shows himself, though.

Emmett eats his sandwich and half of mine, giving Jack Jack little nibbles of the bread.

The drums never fucking stop.

_Never…fucking…stop._

~o~O~o~

By some small miracle, Nova didn't throw her normal tantrum this morning, and Jack is still sleeping. It's a rare day when I have the house to myself and _quiet _at that_._

After Jack was born, I quit my job as a medical records clerk at the hospital, and Emmett said I could go back whenever the hell I wanted, so that could be next year, maybe two years from now, maybe fucking _never_.

I don't mind this housewife business, well except for when it's time to do laundry. Laundry is the worst. I have nightmares about laundry.

I tip toe around the house, picking shit up here and there, and then drink my morning coffee and eat my toast and jelly.

I savor it all.

The revving engine of a motorcycle has me jumping up and peeking through the blinds. The rider has a helmet and leather jacket on, and I squint my eyes harder to get a good look, but then Mrs. fucking Levitt's face pop ups in my view, and I scream fucking bloody murder.

_Holy shit, lady._

She shakes her head and walks toward my front door.

_Good lord, no._

She knocks, and just _goddammit_.

She does this from time to time, comes over for a morning visit, drinks my coffee, eats my food. I'm not heartless, but this is _me_ time, Levitt.

_Me time._

I pull open the door, and she slowly pushes her way inside. I tip toe and angle my body to get a look across the street, but he's gone.

"Good morning, Mrs. Levitt," I say, faking the cheer in my voice, _obviously._

"I'm out of coffee. Mind if I steal a cup?"

_Yes._

"No, not all. Let me get you one."

"You're a dear."

Okay, damn, she's not that bad.

She sits at the table, and I get her some coffee and set it in front of her.

"Billy, from across the street, he got some info on our new neighbors. There's two of them. A husband and wife. Don't know their names, just know they look like some wild heathens."

"Old? Young?"

"They're about your age, maybe a bit older."

_Hmmmm._

"Kids?"

"Not that I've seen, no."

"I'm sure they're nice people."

_Or serial killers._

She takes a sip, then gives a doubtful, "Mmmhmmm. Hey, you got any of them powdered donuts?"

_Go home, Mrs. Levitt. Those are mine!_

"Sure."

Mrs. Levitt stays a while, long enough for Jack to wake and ruin my perfect alone time morning. Jack freaks the fuck out when his sleepy eyes land on her, and she takes that as her cue to hobble her ass out the front door.

"Thanks for breakfast, dear."

"Anytime."

_Not really._

I shut the door and hug Jack, whispering, "She's gone. It's okay. She's gone."

He slaps me in the boob.

_I feel so used._

Jack gets his liquid breakfast and then I feed him scrambled egg but half of it lands on the damn floor since he _threw_ it there.

These kids, I swear it's their life's goal to try my patience.

~o~O~o~

"My dad called," I tell Emmett _late_ that night when he gets home from work.

"Yeah?"

"He wants to come for a visit this weekend."

My dad is the _shit_. Seriously, no dad is better than my dad. Him and my mom didn't work out, but he raised me and my sister Heidi while she went off globe-trotting with her _younger_ husband Phil. Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad person, but dad is just _it._

"We can pull out the couch." He strips out of his shirt and pants, and I know he's probably tired but I could use a good fucking right about now.

"Are you tired," I ask, letting my eyes trail every beautiful inch of his rock-hard body.

His answer is to pull his boxers off.

_Mmmm, come to fucking mama._

He lays back, and I do all the work, taking my time to kiss and lick every inch of him. He's a sexy beast.

When it's all said and done, and I'm completely sated and worn the hell out, the roar of a motorcycle makes its way down our street.

_Seriously._

"Mrs. Levitt came over today," I say, resting my head on Emmett's chest. "She said the new neighbors are heathens."

His chest rumbles, and he runs his big fingers through my hair. "I'm sure they're alright."

_Or they're literally heathens._

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Night, baby."

Emmett falls asleep almost immediately, the big bear, but I'm not far behind.

Morning comes too damn soon.

~o~O~o~

Jack stayed back at the house with Emmett while I brought Nova with me to buy a shit ton of food for my dad's visit and the BBQ. Why I brought the holy terror with me, I'll never know.

"Put it in the basket, Nova," I grit through my teeth, ignoring the nosey assholes glancing our way. "That's it. Don't ask for another thing."

She tosses it in and crosses her arms, but she's silent, and that's all I fucking ask.

I push the overloaded cart down each aisle, grabbing shit I absolutely do not need.

What am I going to do with stainless steel straws?

Save the turtles?

Once I pay for everything, I make Nova get buckled in and start the car then I have the daunting task of unloading the bags into the hatchback.

_I loathe this job._

Nova puts on the stereo and sings along to fucking _Cardi B_ as I transfer bag after never ending bag to the car. My armpits are sweating and my hair is sticking to the back of my neck. I'm almost to the last bag when the bag in my hand just rips and all my cans go rolling all over the place.

"Motherfucker…"

I toss the rest of the bags in before bending down to collect my 101 cans. The hot pavement is burning the hell out of the bottom of my feet through my thin flip flops. I'm almost lazy enough to just say fuck it.

I get on all fours and reach down for a missing can of _Rotel_ beneath the car when a hand reaches out for it and grabs it instead.

I stand and dust off loose rocks from my damn kneecaps and look up at the man holding my _Rotel_ and time stops.

_It literally fucking stops._

His eyes are so damn green, I'm feeling a little spellbound.

_How the hell can they be that green?_

"Mama, I'm _hot_."

"Shit, thanks…" I say, grabbing the can, a shock going through my arm when our fingers touch.

_What the fuck?_

He smiles and lifts his chin, his skinny black tie hanging all askew down his chest. He turns and walks away, glancing once over his shoulder.

_God, this fucking heat is really fucking with my head._

"Maaaaammmmmaaaaaa…"

"I'm coming." I slam the hatchback and hop in the front seat, pointing half the vents at my overheated face.

The roar of a motorcycle pierces the air, and I pause with my hand on the gearshift, watching as the _Rotel _man slowly speeds by. He doesn't have a helmet on, and he meets my eyes, giving me _another_ damn chin lift before peeling out like a bat out of hell.

_What the fuck?_

_He's_ the heathen?

_Holy hell._


	4. Chp 3: Basket Case

**I honestly hate myself.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Three*~  
**_-Basket Case-_

…BB…

He has to think I'm following him, which I am _not._ We coincidentally live down the same damn street for shit's sake. When we get to our houses, he turns right into his yard, and I turn left into my _drive_ like a sane person.

Nova is literally asleep.

_How in the hell did that even happen?_

I open my door and hop down, my eyes completely betraying my brain when I glance across the street. He glances over his shoulder and _smiles_ with that fucking chin lift, and I don't get what I'm seeing here.

Then, the door to his house opens and a woman flies out.

She has _pink_ hair.

Like a soft pink.

It's not even ugly.

She throws herself into his arms and kisses him, and this is totally fucking awkward.

I open Nova's door and try to gently rouse the little beast. Yeah, she may be a morning person but she has to wake up on her own time.

She does not _wake,_ so I just pull her into my arms and carry her into the house. Emmett's laying on the couch, and Jack Jack is asleep belly down, booty up in his floor play area.

_How fucking sweet._

Emmett's eyes widen when he sees Nova asleep, and he puts a finger to his mouth like _shhhh_. Like no shit, you crazy fool.

I gently lay her in her bed and head back out to find Emmett grabbing bags. I grab a few of my own and together we get them all into the house _so very quietly. _

"What time is everyone coming over?" I whisper, stuffing cans and bags into the pantry.

"I think three," he mouths completely without sound, making me snort.

"My dad said he'll be in around five."

Emmett nods and rips open a bag of chips and starts crunching away. He holds the bag out in offering, and I grab a handful and stuff my face. The sound of plastic bags and chewing is the only noise we're willing to make. Any opportunity for quietness will not be ruined with _talking._

Emmett wanders back into the living room, and I get started on the nacho sauce. I literally open a can and pour it into a bowl and add some milk.

_Voila, done._

Alice is bringing pasta, and the patties are pre-pattied and the dogs are just _dogs, _so I head to the living room to take a little nappy while Nova and Jack are being angelic angels.

Emmett has his feet kicked up on the coffee table, so I lay with my head in his lap. He plays with my hair until I doze off for a blessed bit.

I wake to little slaps on my face and _mamamamamama _and open my eyes to see Jack holding on to the edge of the couch as he stands in front of me.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I couldn't stop him," Emmett says from behind me. I roll over and find him standing at the back of the couch, drinking from a water bottle. "He ate some mashed potatoes, but he wants those nice titties you got there."

I roll my eyes, and he chuckles.

"Mamamamama," Jack says again, then starts to whine and cry until I pick him up. I sit up sideways with him on the couch and let him eat while Emmett watches.

_What a perv._

He leans over the couch, his arms resting on the back and says, "Nova's still out."

I nod and rub a hand through Jack's thick hair. "I don't think she'll sleep until morning."

"Oh, fuck no," he laughs. "If anything, she'll be up all night."

_Damn._

"Let's wake her up."

Emmett shakes his head. "No way, sweetheart. I'm not doing it."

I lean my head back against the couch and open my mouth for some water. He pours some in and then kisses me obnoxiously, making Jack Jack grin all milky and fucking cute.

"I'm gonna start the grill."

"I'll come out when Jack's done."

"Bring a leash for Jack Jack or…" he comes back in and picks up Jack's plastic circle cage contraption and takes it with him.

"Nice, baby," I call, and he winks over his shoulder.

The doorbell rings just as Jack is finishing his snack, and Alice barges in with her hands full. Crayonearrings hang from her lobes, and her dress is totally fucking _Magic School Bus._

_It's so fucking hideous._

She comes into the room empty handed, and I ask, "What the hell are you wearing?"

She holds her hands out for Jack and he uses me as a stepping ladder as he climbs to her. "Put your damn tata away and maybe I'll tell you."

I glance down, and okay, I forgot.

_Sue me._

Alice is hugging and kissing all over Jack, and he is soaking that shit up. "The dress…which I love by the way…was a gift from one of my students. I read them the book, and she had her mom make it for me."

"Well…that was _nice._"

"Oh shut up. Your mommy's so judgy, Jacky. Yes, she is. You like my dress, huh? Yes, you do."

Maybe Alice taught me the crazy talk.

Jack giggles, and then makes Alice screech when he yanks her earring out.

"Holy shit, am I bleeding?"

I take a peek. "No," I say and give Jack Jack wide eyes. She hands him over now that he's not all _huggy wuvvy._

"Where's Em? Nova?"

"Em's outside," I say, trying to pry Alice's earring out of Jack's tight fist. It takes me tickling the shit out of him for him to release it then he's crying and screaming, and I have to talk loudly for Alice to hear me. "Nova's asleep."

"I'm going to wake her, so we can play some drums."

She wanders down the hall, and I yell, "Take that gift back! We don't want it!"

"I'm sure Nova loves it!"

_Wait until you have kids, Alice Brandon._

_Just wait!_

~o~O~o~

Nova talked my dad into taking her to the zoo today, and of course, he said yes. So, now we're all at the zoo, including Mrs. Levitt which is just fucking plain weird. But when Nova begged and pleaded last night, Mrs. Levitt was still at our house from the BBQ – she invited herself by the way – and she said she hadn't been to the zoo in about 40 years.

I think she needs a wheelchair.

I'm carrying Jack Jack in a front carrier, and he's sleeping and drooling all over my chest, and I am sweating fucking buckets out here.

It's literally almost summer in Arizona.

No one fucking goes to the zoo in this kind of weather.

No _sane_ person.

Alice is piggy backing Nova and Nova's screaming about wanting to see the damn tiger, but the tiger just won't fucking come out and everyone is staring at us like we're a bunch of damn crazy people.

The tiger _never _comes out.

_Get a new goddamn tiger, zoo!_

"_No,_ stop yelling," Emmett says. "We'll try again later."

"It makes me sooooo mad," she growls, and Alice stifles a laugh, and I give her my best _I'm going to kill you face_, and she just shakes her head. "I'm thirsty."

"We just _got_ here, Nova. If you drink, you're going to have to pee again."

"My mouth is dry, though."

I stare my dad down, and he does this little shrug apology thing, and then says he'll take Nova to get a lemonade. She shimmies down Alice's back and skips to _Grandpa_ and they head off for a lemonade, Mrs. Levitt following slowly behind them.

"Maybe I should go and make sure Mrs. Levitt makes it," Alice says, and I nod.

Emmett holds one of those little battery powered fans in my face before moving it down to Jack, and it feels okay, but nothing like the AC of the car or say…_my house._

"You're grumpy, sweetheart," Emmett says, wetting his hands and rubbing it over Jack's hair to cool him down.

"I'm fucking hot," I say. "You know I hate this place."

He wets his hand again and rubs it over my neck and on the top of my boobs, and it's not really helping but how nice of him.

"Thanks, baby," I say, feeling kind of parched myself. "Could you tell Alice to bring me a lemonade, too?"

"Yeah, I'll tell her."

I park my ass on a bench in the shade and wait for Nova and her clique to get back and pray that damn tiger is feeling cooperative enough to show his face.

Jack stirs and lifts his head, looking at me with sleepy blue eyes before letting his head drop back down. I lift my hat off my head and fan myself a little before shoving it back down and threading my ponytail through the back.

"Mama! Look what Grandpa bought me!" Nova comes running up, holding her giant lemonade in one hand and a stuffed tiger in the other. "I named him Lion, and he bought Jack Jack a monkey."

_Lion for a tiger?_

"Hey, that's cool. Want me to hold it so daddy can show you the _real _tiger?" I nod my head in Emmett's direction and where the tiger is _thankfully_ standing, and she jerks her head around and fucking _screams_, making the tiger roar and Emmett flinch.

Mrs. Levitt holds her hand to her chest in complete terror.

I laugh so damn hard.

Then, Nova's over the tiger after zero point five seconds and wants to move on to the peacocks.

My child is a pretty little psychotic.

By the time we get done with the zoo, my dad looks worn the hell out.

_Uh huh, Charlie. Now you're getting it._

"I'm in the mood for some _Italian_," Mrs. Levitt says. "My treat."

We're not ones to turn down some free Italian, especially Alice.

~o~O~o~

"Bella, dear, where are you off to?" Mrs. Levitt is sitting in her rocker on her front porch, her sole purpose in life to scare the living hell out of people.

I finish buckling Jack in and turn toward her. "Jack has an appointment at the doctor."

"Mind if I tag along?"

_Yes!_

"Sure, come on."

She sure is just wiggling her way into our everyday lives isn't she?

She heads inside, and I give Jack a talking to, things like _she is not going to eat my wittle baby _and _don't be scared, she's just old not dangerous._

When Mrs. Levitt walks out her door and hobbles down the steps, I jump out and open the passenger door for her and wait half a century for her to get in and get comfortable.

I get back in and buckle up, and we're well on our way when she asks me to turn the AC down because it's chilling her bones and then she asks for me to turn down the music because it's hurting her ears. I guess will be hot and bored on this trip.

"Did I tell you, dear? I met those neighbors of ours. Sweet kids, they are. Edward – he's the husband – got my poor Tabby out of the tree out front, and Mae – short for Renesmee – she made me the most wonderful Shepherd's Pie."

I glance at her, bewildered as all hell.

"I thought they were heathens?"

"Oh no, silly me, they're just as normal as you and I."

_Maybe as normal as me._

Okay, _really, _Mrs. Levitt is not so bad. She's kind of growing on me, actually.

"Hmmm."

"Now, what's wrong with Jack here? Is he sick?"

Jack kind of whines at the sound of his name, and I squeeze the steering wheel in a death grip, praying to all the Gods that Jack Jack does not start wailing right now.

"I think he has an ear infection, a cold maybe."

She nods thoughtfully. "The change of the weather," she says. "Always such a bad time for illnesses."

Five minutes later we're pulling into the Family Medical Practice, and I help Mrs. Levitt out before grabbing Jack. Now what I really fucking hate is the damn toys in this place. Can you imagine how many germs are on those things and then Jack here will just lick and slobber on just about anything.

Surprisingly, he's rather calm in the company of Mrs. Levitt, albeit he's just laying on me and staring at her in some sort of frozen state of…_horror_ maybe.

Mrs. Levitt stays in the waiting room as we get called back, and one shot and a thousand tears later we're done and heading to the pharmacy. Mrs. Levitt offers to stay with a _sleeping_ Jack, and I run into Walgreens to drop off the prescription.

"It's going to take about 30 minutes. I'll come back later."

On the drive home, Mrs. Levitt regales me with tales of her late husband, and it's so damn sweet, I can't even be annoyed at her.

"Thanks for the company, dear," she says as we go our separate ways. "Oh hey there, Edward. Nice day, isn't it."

I freeze on my steps, ignoring the way Jack is ripping at my shirt and whining for a drink. I glance over my shoulder and spot Edward working on his bike. At closer inspection, I notice his white tee is covered in grease, and at even _closer_ inspection, I notice that his eyes flick discreetly up to me. I smile and wave, and I get that damn chin lift.

_What is it with the chin lift?_

"Oh, hey!" _Mae _yells, and Edward looks over his shoulder at his wife who's standing on her own steps. "I'm Mae. You have a baby? That's so cool."

Edward looks back in my direction, and Jack Jack is just yanking the fucking hell out of my shirt, crying _mamamama_, and I don't want to be rude, but if he doesn't get fed, all hells going to break loose.

"Hey, I'm Bella. This is Jack," I call, like a complete damn idiot. "He's kind of hungry, so…"

Mae hops down and skips past Edward, ignoring my rebuff. "He's really cute. How old is he?" She's almost all up in my shit by the time Edward stands and makes his way across the street.

_Like, honestly, have they not heard of personal space?_

"He's almost 11 months." My eyes flit to Edward and then back to Mae.

"Gosh, he's super cute."

Jack slaps at my chest, grunting and getting himself all worked up. He's not much of a talker, more of a grunter and growler. He likes to use his hands and fists to get his point across, and right now he's telling me to fucking feed him.

"Thanks, I like him well enough," I joke. Jack buries his face in my chest, rubbing his nose all over me and starts to throw a full-on tantrum.

"Mae," Edward says, and it's the first time he's spoken, so I'm surprised by the rough tenor of his voice. So is Jack. He stops trying to find his way inside my shirt and looks up. "We should let her…"

"Can I hold him?" She asks suddenly.

Edward winces as his green eyes find mine and then when Jack starts yanking on my shirt again, they drop to my chest before slowly moving back up. "We'll let you…do your thing," Edward says, a smile pulling at his lips. "It was nice to meet you, Bella."

_Bella?_

_Oh fuck, that's me._

"Yeah, you too," I say. "Rain check on the…" I lift Jack a bit, and Mae nods enthusiastically.

They head back across the street, and I stare after them for no fucking reason at all, but then I'm caught when Edward glances over his shoulder. He smiles and brushes a hand up the back of his neck, messing up the mess of his hair, and then Jack screams, and I have no choice but to go inside and shove my boob in his mouth.

Later, when Nova gets home, we run to the pharmacy and then we come home and I feed her what she considers to be her least favorite meal _ever._

Spaghetti.

At least Jack Jack is tearing it up.

Emmett won't be home until morning, and I hate having to sleep alone, and I hate when he's not here to fight Nova on her homework.

"You're literally counting shapes, Nova. Just do it and get it done!"

"This is why I hate school! I have to do school all day and then I have to come home and do more stupid school! I'm tired of school. I just want to play my drums!" She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms and makes a real big damn _harrumph _sound. Jack's playing at our feet and throws a block, hitting me in the face.

"Just finish this, and then you can have 30 minutes on the drums, Nova! But, I want it all done and no more complaining!"

She bites her lip, thinking really hard, and then she agrees, like she had a damn choice in the first place. I'm going to regret wheeling and dealing with her once I'm trying to get Jack to sleep and she's in her room acting like damn Van Halen.

Forty-five minutes later Nova is all drummed out – thank God – and she's on the phone with Emmett, saying goodnight.

"Here, mama, he wants to talk to you."

"Hey, baby."

"Hey, sweetheart. The kids giving you hell?" He chuckles because he fucking _knows_. "I'll be home early. Sleep in, and I'll send Nova off."

"Don't forget to start the coffee." I yawn, and then Nova yawns, and I kiss her goodnight before locking her away until morning.

_Just kidding._

"I finally met the illustrious neighbors. They were outside when me and Mrs. Levitt got back from Jack's appointment."

"Shit, Mrs. Levitt went with you?"

"Long story," I say, waving my hand even though he can't see me. "They were okay, the girl's a little…_quirky_."

_The man's a little…mysterious._

"Anyway, Jack's got ear infections. He had to get a shot."

"Did all hell break loose?"

"Pretty much."

He laughs and then I hear someone calling him in the background, cutting our talk short. They must have known I was going to seduce him into phone sex!

"Gotta go, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning. Love ya."

"You, too, honey."

After locking up the house, I crawl into bed and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

~o~O~o~

Jack had a horrible no good night.

He was up on and off for _hours_. Just screaming and crying and grabbing at his ears. He spit most of the Tylenol out all over my shirt so that did no good. Finally he cried himself to sleep and now it's four in the morning, and he's lying on top of me, and I am drenched in sweat.

Emmett won't be home until six, and I honestly feel like having a real good fucking cry.

I am _exhausted_ but _restless_, and I'm so fucking thirsty. Slowly and gently, I roll Jack off me and onto the bed, surrounding him with pillows before I head down the hall and into the kitchen. I gulp down two glasses of water and eat a piece of bread. I'm washing the bread down when I notice the red and blue lights out front. Pulling the blinds back, I spot the ambulance at Mrs. Levitt's house.

_What the fuck?_

Heart pounding, I run to the front door and yank it open, running across the yard bare foot and in a complete fucking panic.

_Please, let her be okay._

A stretcher is being wheeled out her front door, and a man dressed in an EMT uniform stops me before I can even check on her. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Bella! Her neighbor. Is she okay?"

The damn idiot looks over my head before his eyes come back to mine, and he says, "She had a heart attack. She's stable, but we need to take her in."

_A heart attack?_

A fucking _heart attack?_

She's loaded into the ambulance, and I don't realize I'm even crying until Billy's handing me a tissue as we watch the ambulance drive away. "I'll find out where they're taking her and let you know," he says all calm and shit.

_How can you be calm, Billy? _

_What if she dies!_

Billy heads home, and when I turn to go back inside, Edward's standing in his yard, his eyes on the long-gone ambulance. Billy says something to him before heading inside his own house.

"She had a fucking heart attack," I say, wiping my nose, knowing I look a frightful mess and not fucking caring, but also wondering why I'm even telling this near stranger something he probably already knows.

He nods. "Do you need help?"

_Help?_

_Do I?_

He's moving across the street, and I'm frozen, just staring at him in his white tee and loose jeans, his hair sticking up all over the place. He's in front of me now, and I'm a sniveling fucking mess. I can feel my bun all lopsided on my head, and I know for a fact I have a pink Tylenol stain somewhere on my shirt.

"My husband will be home soon," I finally say.

He nods, and his eyes trail all over my face, thoughtful, _searching_. "Do you need me to walk you home?"

I look over my shoulder, at my house that's 10 feet away, and then I shake my head. "No, I think I can manage."

He smiles at my snarky tone, and I suddenly feel really fucking weird standing outside alone with another man while wearing my sleep clothes and no bra.

"I'm going to go," I say, walking backwards. "Thanks for your…help…"

He does that thing with his chin and starts walking backwards toward his own house. "You'll let me know how she is?"

_How in the world am I going to do that?_

"Sure."

_Please God, let her be okay!_

He smiles, and I turn away, scolding myself for wanting to peek over my shoulder. Why do I even want to take a peek?

_It's not right, Bella!_

I lock myself inside the house and find Jack in the same place I left him. I grab my phone and call Emmett, and when he doesn't answer I leave him a message, finding myself in tears again.

Poor Mrs. Levitt was all alone over there having a fucking heart attack.

After using the bathroom, I crawl back into bed with Jack and snuggle him, but I can't sleep. I want to know how she is. Where did they take her? Is she going to be okay?

I don't even know I've fallen asleep until I feel Jack being moved from my arms. I hear Emmett whispering soothingly to him as he walks him down the hall, but I keep my eyes closed, not ready to ask him if he has any news on Mrs. Levitt.

Emmett crawls into the bed fully clothed and pulls me into his arms. "I know you're awake, sweetheart." I peel my eyes open and stare into his blue ones. "She's okay. I stopped and checked on her before coming home. She's gonna be okay."

"Oh, thank _fuck_," I breathe, smiling as my eyes blur a little.

He kisses my nose and tells me to get dressed because Mrs. Levitt is asking for me.

For _me_.

Damn, I feel so guilty about every annoying thought I had about her. When she gets home, I'm going to smother the hell out of her and give her all the fucking powdered donuts she wants.

"I'll stay with the kids. Do you need to feed Jack first?" He eyes my extra heavy boobs kind of like a hungry damn animal, so I rouse Jack Jack and make him eat to hold him off until I get home later. He falls back to sleep eating and then I wash up and change clothes.

Emmett's laying in bed in nothing but his boxers, and I climb onto the bed and straddle his stomach. "Get some sleep, baby. Jack Jack needs his medicine when he wakes up."

"I got this, sweetheart. Kiss me and then go see your old lady."

_My old lady._

I give Emmett a good kiss, so fucking good, he's trying to put it in before I leave. I laugh and slide off, leaving him pouting in bed.

The weather's a little chilly when I step outside and against my better judgment, I jog to Edward's house and knock lightly on the door. He asked me to let him know how Mrs. Levitt was, so I'm letting him know.

I'm just about to leave when the door's pulled open and Edward's standing in front of me, shirtless, his sleepy green eyes squinting against the sunlight.

"Uhh, Mrs. Levitt…" I say, fumbling and completely stupid. "She's okay. I'm going to see her now. I just wanted to let you know."

_Fuck me, this was a bad idea._

I step back blindly before turning away and jogging back across the street. I hop in my Traverse and bang my head on the steering wheel.

_What the fuck is wrong with you?_

_Why are you acting like a fucking asshole, Bella?_

I jump and let out a scream when the passenger door is pulled open and Edward just slides on in.

"What are you doing?" I yell, staring at him in horror.

He adjusts the seat like the stupid motherfucker he obviously is, and I am a little baffled why he thought it would be okay to just get into my car uninvited.

"I want to see Mrs. Levitt."

My eyes widen, and I let out a hysterical laugh, more than a little crazy. "Drive yourself!"

He side-eyes me and rubs his hands together. "I don't know where she's at."

"You can't be in my car!"

"Why not?"

_Is he fucking high?_

I peek out the front window and wonder for a split second if Emmett can see this damn idiot sitting in my car, but I know for a fact he's asleep because he _always _fucking sleeps when he gets off a shift.

"It's fucking _weird._"

"I just need a lift. Can you give me one?" he asks, turning that wicked smile on me, and _honestly_, it's that smile that does me in.

I should demand he get the fuck out.

I should drag him out of my car myself.

I should call Emmett and tell him to kick this guy's ass.

Instead, I put the car in reverse and give this guy a lift to the hospital to see Mrs. Levitt.

_Stupid! _

_Stupid!_

_Stupid! _


	5. Chp 4: I'm Going Slightly Mad

**Edward's POV will be in third person. I feel that's not completely weird even though I've never written this way before. I also can't write a story where both perspectives are not being heard, so if you don't like the POV's of both characters, I'm sorry. **

**Trigger Warning: Edward's going through heartbreaking shit (death of a child).**

**Warning #2: Emmett and Bella lemon in this one.**

**I won't be able to post tomorrow…hopefully Friday.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Four *~  
**_-I'm Going Slightly Mad-_

…EC…

When he looks at Mae, he sees Emma, and it's been two fucking years, and he's not over it. He'll never be over it. The death of your child is not something you just _get over._

Mae blames herself.

_He_ blames Mae.

It was an accident, he fucking _knows_ it was, but he can't get past it. It's so much easier to place blame on someone else.

_Anyone._

How do you get over something like that?

His little girl is _dead_.

She's never coming back.

He'll never hear her sweet voice yelling _daddy_ ever again, and if anything has ever hurt him in his life, it's the knowledge that she's gone.

_For good._

Mae runs a hand down his stomach and slips a hand inside his briefs. It's second nature for his cock to get hard, but he's not feeling it.

She is so desperate to fill that void they have in their hearts, but another baby won't replace the love they had – _still fucking have _– for Emma.

She's irreplaceable.

_She can never be fucking replaced._

She grips him, and he wants it, he really fucking does, but he won't be her sperm donor.

He _can't _be.

Sex with Mae has only one endgame.

_Pregnancy._

"Mae…"

A knock on the front door saves him from another fight, and he doesn't waste time sliding from the bed and pulling his pants on. Mae is irritated and flops back on the bed, and it used to bother the fuck out of him to hurt her, to disappoint her, but she can't be so fucking selfish.

Maybe _he's_ the selfish one, he doesn't fucking know, but he has every reason in the world to say no.

Edward pulls the door open, squinting against the morning sun and is shocked to find Bella standing on his steps, her long blonde hair a lot tamer than it was last night, and her big thundercloud eyes wide as hell as she stares at him.

_She is literally the prettiest girl I've ever seen._

"Uhh, Mrs. Levitt…" she says, tongue tied and uneasy, her eyes trying not to look at his naked chest but not doing a very good job at all. "She's okay." She licks her lips. "I'm going to go see her now. I just wanted to let you know."

Bella takes a step back and without another word, she turns and jogs across the street, not once looking back at him.

Not thinking, because he doesn't do much of that lately, Edward shuts the door and steps back into the room he shares with his wife. He pulls on his shirt and slips on a pair of shoes, knowing this is a very bad idea, but not giving one fuck.

"Where are you going?" Mae asks, sitting up.

"I'll be back later," he says, grabbing his wallet and phone from the nightstand. He kisses her head, and then jogs through the house, hoping like hell Bella hasn't left yet.

_I know this is stupid. I fucking know, but there's just something about her that I want to get to know_.

Bella's banging her head on the steering wheel when he pulls the door open to her car, and the scream that leaves her throat is both terrifying and fucking hilarious. He slides onto the warm leather and tries to ignore the fucking voice in his head telling him to get the fuck out.

_She's fucking married, you stupid motherfucker._

"What are you doing!" She yells, eyes wide and so heart wrenchingly beautiful.

Edward adjusts the seat, giving himself time to think of something to say that isn't full on creep status. "I want to see Mrs. Levitt, too."

_Her husband is so going to kick my fucking ass._

Bella laughs this crazy as shit laugh, her eyes widening even more, and he feels kind of bad for being a damn asshole and making her uncomfortable, but when she says, "Drive yourself" in that scratchy, hysterical way, it just makes him want to stay even more.

He rubs his hands together and side-eyes this crazy girl, wanting nothing more than to just fucking stay right here. "I don't know where she's at." He's a lying piece of shit. Billy already told him exactly where Mrs. Levitt is, right down to her room number.

"You can't be in my car."

_I know._

"Why not?"

She furrows her brows, and he wants so badly to smooth them out with his fingers just so he can feel how soft they are. She glances out the front window, biting her lip, and Edward can practically see the thoughts going through her head. They're probably the same thoughts going through his. "It's fucking _weird_," she finally says.

_I know._

He can't stop the smile from spreading across his face. "I just need a lift." This shit is crazy. He's literally begging this married woman to let him spend time with her under the guise of wanting to see Mrs. Levitt. Edward does like the lady and is fucking relieved she's okay, but when he slid into Bella's car without her permission like some kind of level 10 stalker, he was only thinking of _her_. "Can you give me one?"

They go into this intense stare down, and Edward's heart is beating a betrayal of the worst kind, but when she puts the car in reverse and pulls out of her drive, the beating becomes a fucking _pounding_, and he knows that what he's about to start will destroy her world but maybe it will _heal_ his.

_Who's the fucking selfish one now?_

~o~O~o~

…BB…

My hands hurt from how hard I'm gripping the steering wheel, and I have a real fear I'm going to wreck this damn car because of how many times I've glanced over at Edward just sitting all relaxed in the passenger seat of my car.

I _cannot_ believe I let him ride with me to the hospital. He has a perfectly good motorcycle just parked in his grass.

It's not normal. It's just _not._ Mrs. Levitt is going to have another damn heart attack when I walk into her room with this fucking heathen.

And he _is_ a _heathen. _Only heathen's make themselves at home in strangers' cars like it's some every day run of the mill bullshit.

I don't care how pretty his damn eyes are or if his smile is beautiful enough to save worlds, it's just so fucking…_uncouth._

What, does he just turn that smile on you and flash those soulful green eyes, looking all _Puss in Boots_, and _bam,_ he's sitting in the front seat of your car like he's meant to be there?

_Huh?_

_Tell me!_

I can only imagine how Emmett is going to feel about this.

_Maybe I shouldn't even tell him._

When we pull into the hospital, I'm feeling a little like I should get my head examined while we're here.

The entire drive was complete and utter _silence._

I didn't even hear Edward breathing.

But he's breathing alright, _breathing_ all up in my space if how close he's walking next to me is anything to go by.

We step off the elevator, and he says, "I'll wait over here." He points behind him to the waiting room, his smile just full on megawatt.

Damn, his teeth are fucking perfect.

"You're not going to go in and see her?"

"Do you want me to go in with you?"

"You wanted to come, I just thought…"

_You just thought what?_

_Get a grip, you fucking ignorant asswipe._

He shakes his head, his eyes lit up with humor, and _fuck you._ "I'm going to grab some coffee…"

_Coffee?_

_Fuck yes and please._

"…you want coffee?" He asks, shoving his hands into his pockets, his chin lifting the tiniest bit.

"Okay, yes, coffee would be fucking great. Thank you."

He walks off, and I feel the tension leave my body. Mrs. Levitt is awake when I walk into the room, but she's hooked up to all kinds of wires and has oxygen in her nose.

It's so sad.

"Hey, Mrs. Levitt," I say, pulling a chair up to her bed. "How are you?"

"Well, dear, my heart was giving me some problems."

"You should have called me," I say and pat her bony arm.

"Well, I wanted to live and 911 was first on my speed dial." I snort and laugh, and she gives a raspy chuckle. "I'll be here a while. They gotta make sure my ticker stays working. Will you look in on Tabby?"

_Oh fuck, I think I'm allergic to cats._

Okay, I guess I'm not _allergic. _I just have a strong dislike toward the feisty furballs.

"Sure, I'll take care of her."

"Don't let Nova and Jack strangle the poor thing."

_I make no promises._

"I won't."

The shuffle of feet have us both turning toward the door, and Edward stands there with two coffees in his hands, looking for some crazy reason like some type of God from the White Plains of the days of yore.

"Edward, dear, how lovely to see you," Mrs. Levitt says, glancing at me before glancing back at Edward.

He graces her with a smile that totally says the sun rises and sets on his ass, whatever that even means. "You feeling alright, Nancy?" He asks, handing me my coffee, but I'm too flabbergasted to take the first scrumptious drink.

_Nancy?_

"Well, things could be better, but I'm lucky to be alive."

He chuckles and takes a sip of his own coffee, glancing down at me with crinkly eyes before looking away.

"He calls you Nancy?" I ask.

"It is my name, dear."

"Why do I call you Mrs. Levitt?"

"That's my name, too."

_Damn, this lady._

"Can I call you Nancy?"

"I'd rather you didn't," she says, and Edward starts laughing. "But if you must."

I shake my head and down my entire coffee. Maybe my brain will start to function properly because right now, it's fucking 50 shades of fucked up.

We stay a bit longer, Edward doing most of the talking, the roughness of his voice kind of soothing, in the sense that it could put me to sleep because of how _boring _it sounds.

Mrs. Levitt seems entranced by it, though.

_Crazy lady._

How can his voice even sound _rough_? It's like he swallowed gravel or some shit.

I've never heard such a thing.

Mrs. Levitt starts snoring, and I stand from my chair and stretch my arms over my head, yawning so big I feel like my jaw is going to pop.

Edward clears his throat and gives me a once over before looking away, but then his eyes are back on me, his smile making another appearance, and _tell me_, why does that smile hit me right in the heart.

It's not even that great.

Okay, it actually _is_ that great.

It's like inhuman, really.

"I need to get home," I say, knowing Nova is definitely awake and possibly Jack as well.

He nods. "I'm going to stay. I'll have Mae pick me up."

"Are you sure?"

_Why are you even asking that!_

"Yeah."

"Oh okay."

He smiles, close lipped, and it's just as good as his all teeth one. "Thanks for the ride, princess."

My feet pause in their movements, sliding along the slick tile, making him chuckle.

_What! _

_Princess?_

"Why are you calling me princess?" I demand to know.

"Because you're anything but."

"What?"

He leans forward in his chair, elbows on his knees, hands hanging between his legs, those exquisite green emeralds nearly sucking the breath from my lungs. "You _look_ like a princess, but I've never heard a princess with so many _fucks _in her vocabulary."

"Why not just call me a _fuck_ then?" I ask, then regret it because that was the stupidest thing to ever leave my mouth, and I've said a lot of stupid shit in my lifetime.

"Mostly because that would be…_weird._"

"I'm not a princess," I say, for no other reason than to just state the obvious.

"No, you're not."

I throw my hands up and make a face like _what are you even saying!_

He laughs and leans back in his chair, his arms crossed on his chest. "Your face says princess, even your…" he clears his throat and sits back up. "…but your voice, your _words_, they say _not_ princess."

I huff out a laugh. "Just so you know, I bet Sleeping Beauty also known as _Princess_ Aurora wanted to let out a real big _fuck_ when she pricked her finger on that spinning wheel."

"You're probably right," Edward says, grinning, and I just walk away. I literally walk away and don't look back.

Fucking _princess._

_Who does he think he is?_

~o~O~o~

…EC…

The next morning, he's working on his bike, his eyes lifting at the sound of Bella's voice across the street. She's holding Jack and Jack is holding Tabby, and Bella is laughing, telling him not to kill the cat.

She meets his eyes and smiles, but instead of coming over here like he wants her to, she goes inside her own house where she belongs.

With her husband and their two kids.

He can already tell this summer is going to drag on without anything to do but avoid sex with his wife – unless it's on _his _fucking terms – and fuck around with his bike. That's the downfall of being a high school history teacher, no work during the summers.

He put in for the job down here, wanting to get far the fuck away from Washington and all the memories made there. It sucks leaving the good ones behind, but that one bad one is too much to fucking bear.

Mae has a job in town at the bank, and it feels good to be able to breathe all day long. It's when she's home, pestering about _more_ kids and giving him those sad eyes that he feels like he's losing his damn mind.

A few hours later, he grabs a beer and is watching a game when Mae gets home. She brings dinner from one of the diners in town, and she tells him about her day. How one of the clerks is getting married and how her drawer was five dollars short.

He listens to her, he really does, he _hears_ her, but the things that use to interest him no longer do. He misses the times that him and Mae would lay on the couch together just to be interrupted by Emma; the times when they had to be sneaky, fucking quickies in the shower, bending Mae over the bathroom counter in the mornings when Emma had crawled into their bed in the middle of the night. It fucking kills him to think about, but those times, those fucking times were _everything._

Then Mae went and ruined it.

He shouldn't hold this grudge against her, but fuck, he does.

She didn't do it on purpose, but she's still the one responsible.

He gets it.

It's not fair to make her feel so fucking shitty, but he can't help how he feels, and he still feels so much anger toward her.

"Edward, are you even listening to me?" He nods, and she tosses her container on the table and leaves the room, and then he hears the bedroom door slamming shut.

He feels like shit, but he also doesn't care because the only thing on his mind is forgetting this fucking nightmare.

He hears Mae slamming things around, but his mind is on Bella and the things he wishes he could do to her.

It's fucked up.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

I wake up extra early even though I really don't want to, but it's the last day of school today, and once three thirty hits this afternoon Nova will be home all day for an entire two and a half months. I need a good fucking from my husband to cheer me up.

I'm not a horrible mother, okay. Nova is just more than a handful. She's going to want to play those drums all day, and by the end of summer I'm going to be certifiably insane.

"Baby," I whisper, climbing on top of Emmett. "Wake up." He grunts and keeps on snoring away. I get it, I'm tired, too. "Em!" I lean forward and kiss and suck at his neck, trying to rouse my giant beast, and _finally_, he gets going. "You do all the work," I say, and he chuckles and yanks my shirt over my head.

"When will Jack Jack be done with these?" He asks, gently squeezing my boobs, his thumbs brushing my nipples. "I fucking want them all to myself."

I move my hips lower, sliding along his thick cock, and he groans and pulls me down for a kiss. He's so fucking into it, that I find my panties soaked instantly, and I'm begging for him to just _do _me.

He rolls me off of him and pulls my panties down my legs. He buries his face between my legs and inhales, and I fucking shiver. "Sweetheart, roll over." He slaps at my hip. "Come on. Ass up."

I get on all fours and look over my shoulder, watching his cock bob free of his boxers. He grips it and moves forward, biting his lip as he guides himself inside me. "Fuck, sweetheart."

He fucks me fast and rough, and I close my eyes and bite my pillow, enjoying the way his fingers dig deeply into my hips. I reach down and give my swollen clit some attention as he pounds in and out of me.

"You're so sexy like this, Bella. Mmmmm." I moan into the pillow and feel myself tightening around him as I start to come. "Yeah…fuck, yeah."

It doesn't take him long to follow me over the edge, and then he's laying on top of me, making me all breathless before he pulls out, slaps my ass and falls onto his stomach next to me. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Pshh, no! You have to work."

"Aww, fuck. You made me forget."

"I am _that _good," I say, squeezing his nice firm ass cheek.

"Yeah, you are."

It's time to get on the bus, and Emmett's already gone, so Nova is throwing the bitch fit of all fucking bitch fits.

She's got Tabby around the neck, toting her around the damn house. Mrs. Levitt's been home for a couple weeks, but Tabby likes to come visit the kids.

_I've never heard such craziness._

"Nova, put the cat down and put your shoes on. You're going to miss the bus!"

"I don't want to go!"

"I don't care. You're going and give me the cat!"

"You don't even like _her_. Can we get one for me for myself?"

_She's so damn bipolar._

"If you get your shoes on, I'll get you a cat."

_No, I won't._

She drops Tabby and runs off down the hall and comes back with her shoes on and her backpack on her back. She throws herself at me, hugging my legs, squealing, "Thank you, mama! I'm going to name my cat Tiger!"

_Oh fuck, what have I done!_

The bus is parked in front of the house, and I stand in the yard as Nova runs for it and hops on.

Eight more hours of freedom.

_Eight more hours._

I wave to random kids who have their faces stuck to the windows like little weirdos. When the bus drives off, my eyes meet the sleepy green ones of Edward's as he stands next to his bike, two cups of coffee in his hands.

He grins and gives me his notorious chin lift, and yeah, _okay,_ I don't hate him.

~o~O~o~

…EC…

_Why the fuck is she so damn pretty?_

His eyes are on Bella – on her tits – as she stands across the street from him, her hands on her hips as she waits for him to deliver her coffee.

This isn't an everyday thing.

Actually, he's never done this before, but when he didn't see Emmett's truck out front, he made a dick move and got her some coffee just so he could see her, maybe talk to her some.

It's been two weeks since their trip to the hospital, a fucking miserable two weeks, and seeing her now, looking all just got out of bed messy, it makes his dick hard.

There's no denying this shit.

He fucking wants her.

_Bad._

"Morning, princess." He hands her the warm mug, and she gives him a glare but moans happily and takes a huge sip.

"I fucking _love_ coffee."

Yeah, he noticed, and like the sick fuck he is, he wants to yank the cup from her hands and lick the rim where her lips just were.

Putting Mae's advances off every night are making him fucking crazy. Sex with his wife would be _good, _but sex with the purpose of making a baby is _unthinkable. _Mae has a one-track mind, and he's not here for it.

"Is it good?" He asks, his eyes dropping to her tits as he sips his own cup. They're so fucking nice and _big_, and I know they're all for Jack right now, but damn they're sexy.

She nods and shuffles her feet, eyeing him nervously. "You probably shouldn't bring me coffee."

Fuck if he doesn't know that what the fuck he's doing – _thinking _– is wrong. He knows it is, but he can't stop thinking about her and her foul mouth.

He holds his hand out for the mug, and she puts it to her mouth and drains the rest of the glass before placing it in his hand.

_Fuck, that was cute._

"Thank you…I better get inside before Jack Jack wakes up and tries to start the house on fire." She snorts, and his dick twitches.

"Jack Jack?" He asks, looking over her shoulder at the open door of her house.

"Jack. That's what I call him."

He nods, and she smiles, and he is in so much fucking trouble with this one.

She walks backwards, and he stands still, enjoying the sight of her tits in her tight tank. His mouth waters a little, and he lifts his cup and drains the last of his coffee. She waves and steps into her house, shutting him out, and when he gets inside his own house, he feels like a dirty bastard when he fists his cock and comes thinking about his married neighbor.

But these feelings, _forbidden_ as they are, feel so much better than the despair he usually feels.

Bella is the cure to his heart break.

He's just cleaning himself up when there's a banging on his door. He yanks it open, and Bella's standing there with a half-asleep Jack in her arms freaking the fuck out.

"Okay, I couldn't have Mrs. Levitt do it, but there is a motherfucking mouse in my goddamn kitchen. Like seriously, it's under the fridge." When he just stares at her, she widens her eyes and throws a hand up. "Edward, go kill it!" He chuckles, and she yanks on his arm, dragging him across the street. "It's not funny! It's fucking disgusting, and I want it _dead_."

She pulls him into her house, and this shit just got a lot more complicated. Her husband isn't going to like the idea of the neighbor, who just fucked his fist to the image of his wife, in his house.

Bella's on a mission though and grabs the broom, shoving it in his hands. Jack is screaming and pissed off, and it looks like Bella's fucking boob is leaking. Jack yanks on her shirt, almost giving him a show, and Bella grabs his fist, saying, "Wait a minute, Jack Jack! Edward, hurry up."

Bella takes Jack out of the room, and he pretends he knows how to catch a fucking mouse. He doesn't kill it, but it does run all over the goddamn house before Bella opens the door and it runs away.

"Oh fuck," Bella breathes. "Thank you."

The door is still open, and she's standing there waiting for him to leave. He doesn't fucking want to. He wants her to put Jack down for a nap, so he can shove her against the wall and fuck her.

He walks out the door but freezes when a soft hand grips his arm. "I owe you," Bella says, grinning. His eyes trail to Jack who is gnawing at the swell of his mom's breast, and Bella laughs and shoves him the rest of the way out the door.

He's going straight to hell for this.

He really is.

He can't stop it, and he doesn't fucking want to.

Bella and him, it's going to happen and when it does, the world just might end.


	6. Chp 5: Mad Hatter

**Okay, I know it's Saturday and I said I'd post Friday, but that was an accidental lie. Lol**

* * *

**~*Chapter Five*~**

_-Mad Hatter-_

…BB…

"What the fuck is she wearing, sweetheart?"

Nova is dancing around the living room in her little mermaid bikini, and Emmett looks like he's about to have a fucking heart attack.

It's actually hilarious.

"It's a swimsuit," I say, throwing water and snacks into my total mom backpack for the splash pad.

"Doesn't she have a one piece?"

"Em, it's cute and you try telling her to go change."

He pulls Jack from his high chair, and Jack is actually pretty calm today. He'll be one in two weeks, and I've been trying to wean him, and he's not having that shit at all. He's definitely a boob guy.

"Do you have sunscreen?"

"No. Alice is bringing it. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

_Don't make me take care of them plus Alice all alone!_

"Yeah, that's a big fuck no." He chuckles, and Jack mimics him, the _chuckle_ not the _fuck no_ although I wouldn't put anything past Jack Jack.

"You suck."

"No, sweetheart, you do," he says right back, wiggling his eye brows like a dirty pervert.

_He's not wrong though._

Nova starts singing at the top of her lungs, _A Whole New World_, and Emmett takes Jack and starts singing it with her, like some kind of Jasmine and Aladdin duet.

_Fucking crazy cute weirdos!_

I finish packing anything I can think of, and yet I'll still forget something. I can't even count how many fucking times I've forgotten diapers or an extra outfit for when Jack shits up his back. Thank God my boobs are attached or else I'd forget those, too.

Someone knocks on the door, and Emmett's off pitch solo cuts out as he answers it then Mrs. Levitt is hobbling into my kitchen with a sunhat on.

_Yeah, she's going with us._

"I'm all ready, dear."

Mrs. Levitt, _Nancy _to some, is my new best friend.

_Sorry, Alice_.

"I'm just about ready. Let me just pee."

I run down the hall and try to do my business, but Nova starts knocking on the door, yelling that she has to pee, too. "Use the other bathroom, Nova!"

"But this is my bathroom!"

"So!"

"I'm gonna pee my pants!"

_Oh for fuck's sake!_

I finish and yank the door open and she's wiggling and squeezing her legs together. I swear kids _never_ need shit until you have it. It's like some kind of voodoo gift only kids have.

She pushes past me and starts to pee with the door wide open while I wash my hands. She lets out a fart, and I snort, and she gets pissed but finishes quickly and stands on the toilet lid to lean over the sink to wash her hands.

"Can I get a snow cone?"

"If you're good."

"I'm always good!"

_Heh, heh, don't make me laugh, Nova._

Emmett helps us all into the car, kind of excitedly, since he's going to call some of the _boys_ over for beers and bullshit.

_I could use a beer._

_And some bullshit._

Once everyone's all buckled in and the AC is on low – thanks, Mrs. Levitt – Emmett leans in and kisses me. "I'll call you if we run low and you can stop at the store."

_Oh, now I'm his beer bitch._

It's okay, though, because he's my sex slave.

_Just kidding._

_Kind of._

He winks and steps back and I leave him in the dust, metaphorically of course.

Alice meets us at the splash pad, and Nova latches onto her like a damn sea monkey. I sit with Mrs. Levitt in the umbrella'd shade and watch Alice go crazy with the kids. Jack's not really having it, screaming every time Alice sticks him under the waterfall, but she's psychotic enough to keep doing it for shits and giggles.

_It's her funeral._

"You feeling okay? Do you want some water?"

Mrs. Levitt waves a hand. "Don't fret over me. I'm fine. It's a nice day to be out and about. Edward took me to lunch yesterday. I don't like to be cooped up in that house alone all day."

_Edward took her to lunch?_

_Why is Edward taking my Mrs. Levitt to lunch!_

"That was nice of him."

"He's real sweet, that one, if not a little lost."

_Sweet?_

_Lost?_

"It's in the eyes."

_What in the world is she talking about?_

His eyes are just green.

Well, not _just_ green.

More like the green of Columbia's finest emeralds, all shiny and sparkly without a hint of dullness.

_Okay, maybe that's a little much._

Jack's blubbering interrupts my wack job thoughts of Edward's plain ole eyes, and Alice plops him into my lap before running back to play with Nova and her little friends.

_What a weirdo._

"Jack here is growing like a weed," Mrs. Levitt says.

Jack pushes out of my arms and crawls all over Mrs. Levitt until he gets himself comfortable, just lays in her lap and kicks back under the shade of her oversized hat.

_Crazy kid._

He no longer fears for his life around her.

On the way home, Emmett calls for more beer, so Alice runs into the QuickTrip and comes out with two more cases in her arms.

"Oh dear," Mrs. Levitt says, and I snort.

When we get home, Alice and Nova head inside, and Jack Jack and I walk Mrs. Levitt home. She makes us sit and visit for a bit, and I feed Jack because he's so damn insistent and whiney for a nibble on my nipple.

_He's obsessed!_

Once he's asleep, I head home and shuffle step down the hall quietly as not to wake the sleeping child and place him in his crib. I pull off his shoes and toss them into the chair and tip toe my ass right back out.

I grab the baby monitor from my room and shove it in my back pocket, and when I'm walking back down the hall I run into…

_Edward?_

_What the holy hell?_

He smiles, and my heart fails.

Okay, not really, but _damn_. I'm telling you, that smile really could end worlds.

"I'm looking for the bathroom," he says with that gravel voice a lift of his chin, his eyes scanning my face, my _body_.

"The bathroom?"

He clears his throat and looks away.

Swallows.

Scorches me with those peepers once more, and says, "Emmett…he invited me over for a drink."

He smiles.

His eyes crinkle.

_Say something!_

"That's…cool."

I don't know why I'm feeling all sorts of stupid. Emmett invited him over…so what! He's our neighbor. Of course Emmett would invite him over. There's nothing even wrong with that.

But the way Edward's looking at me, I feel like there just might be something wrong with it.

He chuckles. "So, where is it?"

_What?_

"Where is what?"

"The bathroom, princess."

_Oh fuck, that's right._

I step to the side and point down the hall. "It's the first door on the left but be very fucking quiet because if you wake Jack Jack up, I'll have to kill you," I kind of joke before slipping past him, smiling up at him, trying to look into those _lost_ eyes of his.

_Are you _lost, _Edward?_

He looks down his nose at me, and seriously, is he?

"Thanks, princess," he says, softly but _roughly_.

~o~O~o~

…EC…

_I owe you._

That's the last thing Bella said to him, and he's fucked in the head enough to want to tell her to _pay up_.

Emmett saw him outside earlier in the day and introduced himself, _invited _him over for drinks with the guys. He's a nice guy which fucking sucks since Edward wants his damn wife.

"No problem," she smiles, looking up at him, but his eyes veer to her chest. She's always got on these tops that make her tits look fucking mouthwatering. The swells of them are just right there, and he wants to know what they feel like, what they _taste _like. "But really don't wake Jack."

He shakes his head. "I won't wake him…" he says, but then he teases her. "But if I did, what would you do?"

She pauses and looks up at him, full on sassy and fucking _sexy_. "You don't want to know." Then she walks away, her lips lifting into a smirk and his eyes follow her the entire way, and when she looks back over her slim shoulder, he feels those steel gray eyes all over him.

Fucking _everywhere. _

Emmett made a mistake inviting him here, but Emmett's not the dick.

He is, and there's not shit he's going to do about it.

He does his business in the bathroom and heads back outside, but when he sits there drinking, getting more drunk by the hour, watching Bella with her family, the worse he fucking feels.

She kisses Emmett.

Edward slams another beer.

She laughs and fucks off with Alice, cussing like a sexy as hell sailor.

His dick gets hard.

She half-heartedly argues with Nova…chases her around the yard…makes Nova scream the fucking neighborhood down.

His heart fucking aches.

When he walks across the street later, he's drunk enough, _miserable_ enough, to let Mae _seduce_ him, but when he slips inside her, he wears a fucking condom.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

I can't stop thinking about Mrs. Levitt and her innocent words from the other day.

_He's real sweet, that one, if not a little lost._

What does that even fucking mean?

When I look at Edward, I don't see _lost_.

Not at all.

The music starts low and then it slowly gets louder, and I roll over to look at the clock.

_1:30._

I should be asleep, getting all the rest I can before morning comes and I'm dealing with my little gremlins and their antics. Summer is hot, summer is hell, and summer is when I feel the deadest on my feet with those two.

The roar of a motorcycle has me rolling out of bed and jogging down the hall. Edward is slowly driving his bike into the garage with no damn shirt on.

_What the hell?_

I go back to my room, rolling my lips and just thinking of doing something stupid. Like going over there to see what the hell he's doing at this hour making that racket and waking me up.

Okay, yeah, so I wasn't actually _asleep_, but I'm sure the rest of the neighborhood is, or _was_. Poor Mrs. Levitt jerking awake to the roar of that beast outside.

_Fuck it._

After grabbing the baby monitor, I pull on a cardigan and some flip flops, peeking in on the kids before unlocking the damn front door and pulling it open.

_Go back inside, you stupid asshole. The music's not even that loud._

My feet carry me across the yard.

Across the street.

It feels like I'm walking to the end of my demise, but Edward's a neighbor, my mouse wrangler. I just want to see what's up with him.

Maybe look into his eyes, see if there's a lost soul buried in there.

_Stupid_, I know.

But I blame Mrs. Levitt.

I stand at the edge of the garage, feeling like a complete asshole, but when he finally turns and spots me creeping, he freezes before a life altering smile graces those lips.

"Hey, princess." His eyes scan me, linger on me, scorch me, and I take a step backward, look over my shoulder, bite my fucking lip, and think about running home before those eyes suck me in and take me down with him.

"Your music is too loud," I kind of yell.

"I can't sleep," I kind of lie.

"I'm just gonna go," I kind of half step it back a little, but then he steps forward, and my entire being freezes, frozen like a block of ice.

"Don't go," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets, glancing over my head before meeting my eyes. "I'll turn it down."

He turns it down.

"What are you doing?"

"Working on my bike," he shrugs.

_With no shirt on!_

"I can't sleep," he says, messing the back of his hair, eyeing me like I've done something wrong.

_Have I?_

"Who could sleep with all the racket," I joke, wrapping my cardigan around me and shifting on my feet.

He laughs. "You want a drink?"

I shake my head. "I better go, the kids are sleeping…"

When he nods, it's a nod of disappointment, and I want to know _why. _

_Where is Mae?_

_Why did Mrs, Levitt say you were lost, Edward?_

_Why do I fucking care about this pushy near stranger with the heart stopping smile?_

"Goodnight, princess."

I smile at him, the crazy fuck I am, then I turn to go home, but when I look over my shoulder and catch him staring after me, those emerald eyes fucking _dull, _I curse Mrs. Levitt to hell and back and say, "I'll take a drink. Soda?"

He grins, and his eyes fucking _sparkle._

~o~O~o~

…EC…

Bella stays long enough to drink one coke, but those ten minutes were long enough for her to get under his fucking skin.

She's hilarious and cute.

Sexy.

_So fucking sexy._

When he turned and saw her standing there in those tiny little shorts and tight tank covered by an ugly ass grandma sweater, his dick was so fucking hard, one touch to it and he'd come all over himself.

She's locked up tight across the street now, safe from his thoughts to bend her over his bike and fuck her. There's nothing he wants more than to see how she'd look beneath him.

Mae's gone.

Not for good, but he doesn't know when she'll be back.

_If_ she'll be back.

She can't handle this life – _him – _anymore.

Selfish, bitter asshole that he is, he let her go, and he's not even upset about it. It's a relief to wake up and go to bed without having to worry about whether or not he's going to see the sad eyes of his wife as she tries fuck a baby out of him.

He needs help, he _knows_ it, but can a therapist bring his little girl back?

_Fuck no._

So, what's the fucking point of it all?

His main issue is Mae and the fact that she left our daughter to burn up in a hot car for nine goddamn hours in the summer heat while he was half a world away.

It was a _mistake._

A _big_ one.

One that cost us our daughter's life.

All a therapist will do is get him to accept that she's dead and what he can do to finally heal and forgive is wife.

The thing is, he doesn't know if he _can_ forgive her, which he realizes is complete bullshit. She didn't do it on purpose, but he can't get past it. He's tried, but he can't look at her every single fucking day without thinking about what she did.

Accident or not, it fucking kills him.

You see this kind of shit on the news all the damn time, and it's fucking horrific, but you _never_ think it's going to happen to you.

Maybe what Mae needs is someone else, someone that can stomach another baby with her, that doesn't hold this unwarranted grudge against her.

Maybe what _he _needs is Bella.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

"Sweetheart…"

_Oh God, is it morning already?_

"Bella…"

Emmett runs a hand up the back of my thigh until he's gripping an ass cheek, and as tired as I am, I want it.

He lifts my shirt and licks up my spine, and _damn_, he's good. "Come on, sweetheart. I want to fuck you."

"Then fuck me," I mumble into the pillow, pushing back against his big hand.

He chuckles and bites my shoulder, making me cry out, then he yanks my shorts and panties down my legs. I roll over and he falls on top of me, already naked and so fucking hard.

"Be fast," I say, knowing Nova will be up any fucking second.

"I can be fast, sweetheart. Spread those sexy legs wider," he rasps before shoving inside me, lifting my knees high enough to give me a cramp, but I just ignore it and let him fuck me into the mattress.

When it's all said and done – very well done – Emmet has to rub the cramp out of my thigh, laughing his ass of the entire time, but damn his hands feel good.

I slip my clothes back on just as Nova comes pounding on the door, wiggling it like a crazy person. "Daddy! Open up!" Emmett shakes his head and lets Nova in and she jumps right into the bed. "When do I get my kitty?"

_Her kitty?_

"What?" Emmett asks, glancing at me all confusedly.

_Oh shit._

"Mama said she'd buy me my own cat. Remember, mama?"

_Fuck, why did I even say that._

Emmett laughs, nervously. "I'm sure mama didn't say that…" he trails off when he gets a good look at my guilty face, and then says like "Oh fuck, what!"

Nova gasps and then falls over giggling like a psychotic clown. "Daddy said a bad word!"

Emmett winces and backtracks. "I said aww shuck..."

"No, you didn't, daddy!"

Emmett tickles her feet and she screams bloody murder, twisting and turning trying to get away from him. She kicks me in the stomach, and Emmett laughs just as hard as her.

Those two are scary crazy.

"So we really have to get a cat?" Emmett finally asks.

"Yes, daddy! Let's go _now_!" She gives him big wide _scary_ blue eyes, and he wants to say no, he really does, but he sighs and she knows she's got him. "Yes! Thank you, daddy!"

"Hey! I'm the one that said I'd get you a cat!"

"But daddy's taking me to get it."

_Are you fucking kidding me!_

"I'm just taking you, No," Emmett says, chuckling, winking at me all cute and shit. "It's from your mom."

"Okay. Come on."

"You're in your pajamas, Nova," I say.

"So!"

"You're not wearing your pajamas to the pet store."

"But…"

"Go, Nova," Emmett says. "Or no cat."

She pauses and closes her mouth and then runs from the room.

"I can't believe we made that."

"No fucking kidding," Emmett says. "She's all you."

"What! She is not."

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

Okay, maybe he's a little right.

~o~O~o~

Emmett and Nova are off petting shopping, and I take Jack Jack for a visit with Mrs. Levitt. She's trying to knit or crochet or whatever the fuck, but she's pissed because her hands are getting _too old_.

Jack starts pulling the thing of yarn and dragging it all over the place until it's a tangled mess all over the floor.

"Dear, just put it all away," Mrs. Levitt says all defeated. "I'll just buy a new blanket."

I want to laugh because really it would have taken her all summer _and_ winter to make that damn blanket.

Jack starts fighting me and growling when I try to collect the yarn, and if I didn't want to deal with the trouble, I'd let him have it, but I may not be the best mom, but even I know he could wrap that shit around his neck and choke to death.

"Jack! Stop it. Let it go."

He screams and his face gets all red, and I have to tickle his little arm pit until he releases it. He throws himself on the floor and cries and cries. Mrs. Levitt just watches us from her recliner like it doesn't bother her that he's screaming the damn roof off.

Once I gather it all I add it to the basket in her closet down the hall. I don't wrap it neatly like the others because nobody's got time for that shit. When I hear the sound of Edward's motorcycle over the wails of Jack Jack, my steps stutter a bit and then I shove the basket back and close the door.

I pick Jack up and try to cuddle him, but he's so pissed.

When the front door opens and Edward walks in with a shitload of plastic bags in his hands, I almost drop the holy terror right out of my arms.

"Edward, dear," Mrs. Levitt says, happily, pushing herself out of her chair. "Come on. Let's bring them to the kitchen."

Edward glances at me, a smile pulling at his lips, then he looks down at Jack in my arms who's suddenly quiet and staring back at Edward with big blue eyes.

"Hey Jack Jack," Edward says, and Jack burrows into my chest, snuggling his face between my boobs all shy. Edward watches him for a few seconds then his greens meet my grays, and I smile. "Hey, princess."

"What you got there?" I ask, looking down at the bags in his hands.

"Nancy's groceries."

_Nancy's groceries?_

"You go shopping for Mrs. Levitt?" I ask, shocked as shit, flinching when Jack takes a little bit right out of my boob. "Jack, no! That hurt mommy."

He lifts his head and grins, the little shit. I shake my head and glance back at Edward and he's staring at my boobs.

_Shit._

I lift Jack higher, and Edward says, "Yeah."

_Yeah what?_

"Edward, dear. Are you coming? I don't want my stuff getting hot."

Edward leaves the room, and I follow them watching as Edward hands Mrs. Levitt her shit as she puts it away. This is fucking weird. Does he always shop for her? Why do I feel like an asshole since I've never offered.

"I would have done your shopping," I tell Mrs. Levitt, and Edward graces that stupid ugly container of cottage cheese with his smile.

"Oh, you have your hands full, dear."

Edward glances at my full hands then continues his assistance with the groceries.

_I don't like this…only because I do._

I'm feeling a little weirded out about Edward going to the grocery store to shop for his elderly neighbor.

It's fucking sweet.

Now I'm thinking about last night and a shirtless Edward handing me a coke while I stupidly stood at the edge of his garage looking for a sign about how lost he was.

That was and always will be the stupidest thing I could have done.

Who even does shit like that?

Emmett would be pissed if he knew.

_That's why I will not be telling him._

How fucking shitty of me.

"Mamamamamama," Jack babbles, slapping my chest. "Milk."

Edward's eyes lift, and his eyes are completely focused on Jack's slapping hands, but when I grab Jack's wrist, Edward's eyes find mine. "He's hungry," I say to everyone and no one. "I better get going."

"Oh, just feed him here," Mrs. Levitt says, the damn old woman.

The way Edward's staring, I think he agrees with Mrs. Levitt, but that's a big fat _fuck no_.

"No, no. I'll be going now."

"Alright," she says. "Have Nova come show me her precious new kitten when she gets home? Tabby will have a new friend."

"Okay, I'll send her over."

Edward gives me a chin lift and a _secret _smile.

_What!_

_Do we have a secret?_

I leave them to their grocery bonding and get home and feed Jack before he dies of thirst then he eats some mashed potatoes for dessert while I snack on a banana and yogurt.

I just cannot believe Edward buys Mrs. Levitt's groceries.

I'm quite fucking flabbergasted.

~o~O~o~

_What the fuck!_

"What is _that_!"

Nova is in her booster in the back seat of Emmett's truck, smiling and petting what looks like a fucking _rat._

"It's my cat, mama."

I jerk my head to Emmett and he's studiously ignoring me, the shithead.

"That's not a cat," I say, horrified and staring at the ugly creature.

"It _is _too. I named him Tiger. He's so cute, yes he is, so cute." Nova's cooing and baby talking, getting her lips awfully close to that damn rodent's head, and it's official, my kid is _nuts._

"Em, seriously!"

"She begged for that one. I tried to talk her into the pretty black one, but she insisted she wanted that one," he says but then he whispers in my ear, "Fuck, I'm sorry. That thing scares the shit out of me."

I snort and elbow him in the stomach.

"It's a phinx cat. It doesn't have hair."

_Phinx?_

"Sphynx, Nova," Emmett says.

"That's what I said. Here mama, hold him."

I scream when she tries to put in my arms, and I push Emmett in front of me, even though my big sexy firefighter looks like he's fucking shaking.

I am shaking, too, from laughing so hard. Emmett grabs it, mumbling _fuck_ under his breath, as Nova unbuckles herself. "Daddy, be careful with him. You're gonna drop him."

Emmett uses on hand to help Nova down and then Nova holds out her own hands for the rat bastard, and just cuddles this shit out of him.

"I can't believe you let her pick that one," I say, and Nova glares at me while the cat hisses sticking out it's forked tongue like some demon cat from hell.

Okay, the tongue's not _forked_ but it might as well be.

"Nova, Mrs. Levitt wanted to see your new kitten. Go see if Tabby likes her new friend."

She runs next door and into Mrs. Levitt's, and if you've never heard an old lady scream in actual horror, then you're missing the fuck out.

_Poor Mrs. Levitt._

Poor _Tabby._

"Wait, did you say Tiger is a _he_?"

"I don't know what the fuck that thing is," Emmett says, pulling me into a hug. "I think it's Satan's mistress."

_Satan's mistress, ha!_

"_Mister _probably. I hope Tabby is too old to have babies."

"Fuck," Emmett says. "Imagine the babies those two would make."

"Disgusting." I shiver.

Emmett lets me go and grabs shit from the truck, a litter box, a bed, a fucking pillow.

"What's the pillow for?"

"I don't know. She can carry him around on it or some shit."

_What in God's name did I just let happen?_

"Next time, _I'm _taking her to get the cat."

"No, next time, there'll be no fucking cat," Emmett says, looking at me like I'm stupid or something.

I mean, he's _right_ of course, but still.

"Well, yeah!"

He shakes his head and laughs, carrying all of Tiger's shit into the house.

Nova comes running from Mrs. Levitt's, her cat in her arms, bouncing all crazy.

"She _loves_ him."

_Oh sure, Nova, sure._

_Nobody _loves hairless cats that look like they'd eat you for breakfast, lunch, _and _dinner.

_Nobody._

~o~O~o~

"Hey, cool cat!" Alice yells the next morning.

_Fuck you, Alice._

_Fuck you. _


	7. Chp 6: I Wanna Be Sedated

**I hate myself so much right now.**

**It's the end of the world as we know it.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Six*~**

_-I Wanna Be Sedated-_

…BB…

"Oh fuck, that's sick," Emmett gags, and I step from the bathroom to see him dry heaving and holding his nose at the same time. "That fucking rat took a shit in my shoe."

I start laughing, and he glares at me. "You only have yourself to blame, baby."

"You're the one that told her she could get a fucking cat!" He's hysterical, and it's hilarious. "These are my favorite shoes! Clean it for me."

My eyes widen, and he holds it out to me. "What! No! Make Nova clean it. It's her cat!"

"Nova! Nova, come here!" He yells, and she comes running into the room, her cat sitting like the Queen of Rats on that fucking pillow. Her nose scrunches in horror when she sees the shoe Emmett is holding out to her. "Tiger made a poo in my shoe, Nova."

I crack up and Nova giggles herself stupid.

"You have to clean it, No," he says, and she stops laughing immediately and backs up.

"No, daddy, that's gross!"

"It's your pet. That's part of the responsibility," he says, seriously, and Nova looks like she wants to cry.

"Daddy…"

"You better do it, Nova," I say, hiding my smile behind a fist.

"It's not fair! I didn't poop in the shoe!"

"It's your cat," Emmett grabs the pillow and the cat and hands Nova the shoe, and she plugs her nose and holds it far away from her.

"I hate you, Tiger," she says all nasally, and _finally_, she's realizing what a rodent the little fucker is.

She goes into the bathroom and we hear the toilet flush and then I walk in to find her filling Emmett's shoe up with water in the sink. I peek out back into the room, and Emmett's just standing there, holding the pillowed cat ten feet away from his body. When I look back at Nova, she's smiling like the devil himself.

_She is fucking scary._

"Is she cleaning it?" Emmett asks.

"Dump the water out, Nova," I hiss, turning the water off. She dumps it and we peek inside the shoe, finding the shit stain, and Nova is all "ugh, sick," and I grab a washcloth – that will be going in the trash afterward – and wet it, handing it over to Nova and tell her to scrub it. I squirt some soap in there, and she does as asked, but she's glaring at it like she wants to kill someone.

_I'll be sleeping with one eye open tonight._

"Tell Tiger that he needs to use the litter box, Nova, not daddy's shoe."

"He doesn't listen to me!"

"Welcome to motherhood."

She looks at me like I'm crazy, and I _feel _kind of crazy.

You try raising these kids and a _rat _for fuck's sake.

Nova washes her hands and leaves the shoe to dry, and I hear her cooing to Tiger instead of scolding him like she damn well should. I could only imagine what I would do to my child – Nova – if she shit in her grandpa's shoe.

She needs a parenting class.

"Sweetheart," Emmett says when I walk out of the bathroom. "Do you think she'd notice if we sell the cat?"

"Would you notice if I sold Nova?"

"It might take me a few days, but…"

I slap him in the stomach, and we start laughing.

_God love the little monster._

"I'm going to check on Jack Jack."

Today is Jack's first birthday, and he's sleeping in good this morning. I've gotten him to only drink from my boob at bedtime, so I'd say we're doing alright.

We're having a big party in the backyard for him, and the only downside to this party is that Emmett made me invite his parents. Yeah, _I know, _of course they should be invited, but they're such downers.

Jack is awake, sleepily looking at me through the bars in his crib, and I put on my mommy is crazy voice. "Happy birthday, my cute wittle baby." I pull him into my arms and cuddle him, kissing all over his face, making him _wahh_ and _ungh_ and push my face away, the little grouch.

Then Emmett comes in and takes him from me, singing Happy Birthday like an obnoxious fool, making Jack Jack giggle and laugh. I join in halfway through, and Jack laughs harder, probably because I sound like what Tiger would sound like if he was dying.

Nova starts banging at her drums, and Jack's eyes widen and he tries to wiggle out of Emmett's arms. Emmett sets him down and Jack crawls out of the room – he's not walking yet – and all the way down the hall until he's in Nova's room.

"Here Jack, you can have one stick," Nova says.

Emmett slaps my ass. "Sweetheart, let's eat. I'm fucking starving. Then we're gonna fucking party."

I knew he would be more excited than the kids about the bouncy house.

_Crazy fuck._

~o~O~o~

The party is in full swing, and Emmett _and _Alice are having the time of their lives in that bouncy death trap. Jack is screaming in Emmett's arms, and Nova is flipping and flopping all over the damn place. It's actually fucking hilarious to watch.

I pretend to stay busy, so I'm not having to visit with the Brandon's. That's Emmett's job since they're his parents after all. I'm sure they are sweating their asses of in the tweed and silk they showed up in. It has to be 100 degrees out here.

Edward showed up – yes, I invited _all_ of the neighbors – a while ago, and Mrs. Levitt hasn't let him leave her side.

The old lady is obsessed with the _lost _man and his devastating green eyes.

A few of Emmett's firemen friends are here with their kids, and Alice took one look at Jasper Hale and his tattoos and almost fainted dead right then and there.

He has a daughter Nova's age, and he's _single_, and she's already looking to swipe him up. I just want to be there when she brings him home to mommy and daddy Brandon. I'll video the hell out of that shit.

I grab an ice-cold tea from one of the ice chests and take it over to Mrs. Levitt, interrupting her conversation with Edward. He smiles up at me, and why must I like it so damn much. "Here you go, Mrs. Levitt."

"Thanks dear, I'm feeling rather parched."

"Nothing for me?" Edward asks, his eyes twinkling, his hands gripping a bottle of beer.

"Sweetheart," Emmett calls, and I look over to see him holding Jack out of the little slit in the bouncy house. "He's not feeling it anymore."

Jack's face is all red, and he looks pissed. I go grab him and take him inside to cool off. I give him a popsicle from the freezer, and he gives me his cute smile. I take a nibble off it, and he says, "No!" and holds it away from me, his face now all mean and pouty, so I get my own.

_Stingy kid._

By the time Jack's all done and a complete fucking mess, Nova's running inside the house, rosy faced and sweat drenched, asking for her own popsicle. "Aunt Alice wants one, too. Where's Tiger? I want to show grandma and grandpa."

_Oh shit, I've got to see this._

I clean Jack up and follow Nova as she carries the rat bastard on his golden pillow out to the backyard. She runs over to Mary and Briggs and lifts him up off the pillow and holds him out to them. Mary recoils, and I snort. She's shoving the cat at her, insisting she hold it, and when Mary doesn't, she stomps off all pissed right the hell off.

She goes to Mrs. Levitt instead, and even though Mrs. Levitt was scared to death of that thing at first, he's grown on her. She takes Tiger and sets him in her lap, and Nova smiles, and then kind of glares over her shoulder at Emmett's parents who are not even paying her one bit of attention.

I glance back at Nova, and she's stroking and petting Tiger's head, saying something to Mrs. Levitt and Edward. Edward's watching her, his attention not wavering one bit as she speaks until I step closer and his eyes find mine.

He smiles, and I notice it right then. The _lostness _Mrs. Levitt was talking about.

_What the fuck?_

"Can you babysit him?" Nova asks Mrs. Levitt.

"I got him, you go on and have some fun."

She runs off, and I sit in the grass and let Jack crawl around. I try to make him stand up and walk a bit, but he's lazy.

"He'll walk on his own time. Don't be rushing him," Mrs. Levitt scolds, making Edward chuckle.

I glare at them both, and yes _spitefully_, I make him try again, but _again_, he just sits back down and plucks at the grass.

I catch Edward staring at me every now and then, and the heat in my face is from the sun.

_I think._

Later, after cake and ice cream, everyone starts to head out, and Jack is exhausted, falling asleep, his head resting on my shoulder.

Alice is taking Nova for a sleepover, and damn isn't that a fucking treat. Alice wants her to bring Tiger and that's even better. Nova gets all packed up while Alice flirts it up with Jasper, touching his bicep, slapping his chest, snorting a laugh when he says something that's not even funny.

_What a damn dork!_

Edward offers to walk Mrs. Levitt home, the damn sweet soul, and I hand Jack off to Emmett, so I can tell Mrs. Levitt bye.

"I'll make you breakfast tomorrow," I tell her. "Just come over when you get up."

"Oh dear, I already have plans. Edward's taking me to iHop."

I glare at Edward, and he chuckles. "You can come, princess," he says, and yeah, _no._

"Thanks for coming," I tell them both, courteous despite being annoyed as hell at the best friend thief.

Mrs. Levitt loops her arm through Edward's, and he glances back at me, a smile pulling at those stupid lips.

_Whatever, you're ugly!_

Okay, that's a lie.

Unless ugly means a real traffic stopper…

In which this case it _does._

_What a motherfucker._

~o~O~o~

Emmett has to leave to work before the sun even rises, and I get up and shower with him. He lazily slides inside me, my back against the shower wall, my legs wrapped around his waist.

It feels fucking amazing.

After morning nookie and breakfast, he heads out, and I'm left alone with a sleeping Jack Jack. With Nova gone, Jack could sleep the morning away, but since Mrs. Levitt has breakfast plans, I decide to go to the garden shop and get the flowers she wants to plant out front.

Jack is not a happy camper but after a few gulps of mommy's milk, he's at least a little calmer. I load him up in the car and drive across town, grabbing flowers and soil and tools and an iced coffee – _yum_ – before heading home.

Jack sleeps all the way home and even stays asleep when I take him from the car. If only _all_ of us could get as much beauty rest as little Jack Jack.

Let's be clear here, I've never planted a goddamn thing in my life, but how hard could it really be?

It takes me three trips to carry everything over to Mrs. Levitt's, and I dump it in her front yard then run inside my house for a peek at Jack and to grab the baby monitor.

I kick off my flip flips and turn the hose on, spraying right at the edge of the house to soften the ground, I guess.

YouTube recommended it.

I grab the gloves and put them on and start hacking away at grass and wet dirt until I have some holes to put the flowers in. I place them in and then just smash the dirt all back into the holes and pat it down, spray a little more water and step back to admire my handy work.

_Damn, I'm good._

The honk of a horn makes me jump and trip over the hose, and I fall onto the wet grass, cursing the fucking bastard who dare honk at me.

"Bella, dear, are you okay?"

_It was _you_, Mrs. Levitt?_

I get to my feet and find Edward and Mrs. Levitt staring at me, Mrs. Levitt with real concern, and Edward with a shit eating grin on that hideous face.

_What a hideous poser._

"Oh, Bella! They look lovely," Mrs. Levitt says moving to the flowers, and I give Edward a _ha! _ look. He stole my breakfast date, but I bet she likes the flowers more.

I don't know why the fuck I'm competing for Mrs. Levitt's affection, but what the fuck ever.

"There's a…" Edward lifts his hand to my chest, and I slap his hand away because _what the fuck_, and then he shrugs, smirking like a dirty tramp. "…fine, if you want that bug to keep crawling…"

I scream bloody murder and start slapping at my chest, freaking right the fuck out. Edward laughs, like full on laughs his ass off, and I'm in too much of a panic to realize that the sound of his laugh is earth shattering. "Is it gone? Edward! Is it!"

He nods, and Mrs. Levitt says, "What in the world is wrong, Bella? I thought you were Nova there for a second, going all wild like that."

_Are you kidding me!_

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Edward blinds me with his smile, and I give him a death glare before turning to Mrs. Levitt. "Do you like the flowers?"

"Oh yes. Thank you. What a nice surprise."

Jack starts mumbling through the baby monitor that fell onto the ground during my mishap, and Edward says, "I'll clean up your mess."

_Oh fuck you, you kind soul._

Damn, I'm not sure why I'm acting like a savage all of a sudden.

"Thanks, that'd be awesome," I say, smiling a bit, and he shakes his head, trying to hide another godforsaken smile of his own.

_Lost?_

_You're fucking crazy, Mrs. Levitt._

Edward smiles too damn much to be lost.

~o~O~o~

"Em, stop," I mumble sleepily, turning my head away, but he just won't stop patting my face like a damn…"

_Oh my God!_

I open my eyes and my worst fear has come to life.

There's a fucking _Tiger_ in my bed.

I roll over and fall onto the floor as it hisses at me, and if I wanted to wake the entire damn house, I'd scream my head off at Nova for letting that creature out of her room.

I shudder in disgust and wipe my face with my hand.

Tiger just stares at me before getting comfortable in my fucking bed.

"Get," I say, swiping at the air. "Get!"

He just looks at me all pissed off like it's my fault he's bald, wrinkly, and ugly.

_Like Emmett's balls._

Oh fuck, now I'm laughing like a damn maniac in the dark house, lit only by the damn moonlight pouring in through the slits of the blinds.

And okay, Emmett's balls aren't even ugly.

Just a little weird looking, but aren't _all_ balls weird looking?

They're just hanging there like little – big – ornaments.

Okay, anyway, Tiger is not moving from my bed, and he freaks me the hell off enough to sleep on the couch. It'll be funny when Emmett comes home wanting to stroke my pussy and he finds it's the wrong one.

_Ha!_

_Oh God, _I can't stop fucking laughing now, and I have to cover my mouth so not to wake Jack and Nova.

A look at the stove clock tells me it's only midnight.

Damn.

I grab a water bottle and a blanket from the hall closet and head to the couch and freeze.

_What the actual fuckity fuck?_

Tiger is sitting in the middle of the couch like a fucking demon.

This shit is really starting to freak me out, like _freak_ me right the fuck out. That thing is possessed. I can't believe Nova loves this possessed ball sack!

I toss the blanket at it ready to run for my life when lights outside have me pausing. I move to the window and peek out, finding Edward's garage wide open, and Edward walking around inside.

_What is wrong with that man?_

I don't know how much crazy my poor little self can handle in one day.

_Fuck it._

I don't even grab shoes this time – wait, I think I left my shoes at Mrs. Levitt's – and walk across the yard barefoot before I turn and run back inside, checking on the kids and grabbing the monitor.

I jog across the yard and slow my steps before Edward turns around and sees me running at him like some kind of nut job.

"Can't sleep, huh?" I call, and Edward jumps and whirls around, making me snort a laugh. "Did I scare you?"

He grins and shakes his head. "Hey, princess. What you doing?"

I shrug. "Nova's cat tried to kill me, and then I saw your light on, and I'm nosey, so I came over."

"Her cat tried to kill you?"

"Well, _yeah_. You've seen that monster!"

He laughs and stumbles closer almost knocking his bike over.

"Are you _drunk, _Edward?"

He shakes his head, bites his lip, _checks me the fuck out, _and I knew I shouldn't have come over here.

Why did I think this was a good idea?

"Why are you drinking in the middle of the night?"

_Why do you care, asswipe?_

"I was bored," he says, stepping closer, and I should step back or better yet, I should hightail it the fuck out of here and crawl back into bed even if that cat is still in there. "Do you want to drink with me?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm good."

He gives me a lazy smile and even lazier eyes. "Come on, princess. Just one drink. You owe me."

"I _owe_ you?"

_What the fuck is he talking about?_

"I killed your mouse."

He killed my…

"What! You didn't kill it! You swept it out the door like Cinderella."

"You still owe me," he argues, smirking like a stupid smirker. "Where are your shoes, princess?" He's looking at my feet, and I wiggle my toes.

"I left them in Mrs. Levitt's yard."

He lifts his head and just keeps on smiling, and I want to hit him over the head and tell him to knock that shit off.

"Sit down," he says, gesturing to one of the chairs.

I listen – I don't know why – and then something crosses my mind that I'm idiot enough not to have thought about earlier.

"Where is Mae? I haven't seen her."

He falls into his chair and sighs all annoyed. "She left me."

_What!_

"She _left _you?"

_Why would she do a stupid thing like that?_

"I don't care, Bella," he says, flicking a hand out carelessly. "She ruined my life."

Again _what!_

This shit is getting a bit too deep for me, but when he starts to speak again, I am full and wholly entranced by the words leaving his mouth.

"She wanted another baby."

"_Another_ baby?"

He blinks real slow before he pins me to the spot with hard, glossy eyes. "Yeah, _another _one. She killed our first one."

_What the fuck?_

"What?"

"She killed my daughter, princess." He stands up and grabs a beer from his fridge and then paces a bit before slamming it and sitting back down. "It wasn't on purpose, but how stupid, huh? She just accidently not on purpose killed my little girl."

My heart is pounding an uneven beat in my chest, and what the holy fuck, I can't even process what he's telling me.

Mae killed their baby?

Just…_what!_

~o~O~o~

…EC…

He can't stop the words from leaving his mouth, and when her gray eyes widen as he tells a part of this fucking despicable story, he wants to cuddle the shit out of her. He wants her to wrap her arms around him and soothe his goddamn soul.

Because it hurts like a motherfucker.

After breakfast today, Mae called him wanting to talk reconciliation and counseling and starting over as a family.

Fuck that shit.

_Fuck that shit._

He doesn't want to fucking start over with her. He wants to rewind his life so Emma is here where she belongs.

You don't just _start_ _over_.

Fuck, it just disgusts him thinking about it.

Bella shakes her head and leans forward.

"What do you mean, Edward? Your little girl is…_dead_?"

He nods and leans forward too, closer to stormy gray eyes and rosy lips. "She's dead. Mae made her that way."

Bella grabs his hand, and he feels like his chest is going to fucking explode. "What happened?"

He doesn't want to relive this shit, but Bella kind of fucking soothes him.

He wants to be fucking soothed by Bella.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

He yanks on my hand until I fall to my knees in front of him, my heart racing so fucking hard I can barely fucking breathe.

Why did I come over here?

I don't want to hear any of this shit?

_Oh my God._

"I don't want to talk about it, princess. Don't make me," he says, smiling all sad and shit and wrapping a strand of my hair around one of his fingers.

_I need to know!_

"It's okay, Edward. You don't have to talk about it."

_Yes, you do!_

_Yes, you fucking do!_

He lifts his eyes to mine and smiles all gratefully, and I kind of _hate_ him for this.

"I think I should go," I say, squeezing his hand.

"I think you should stay."

"It's not a good idea."

"Why, princess?" He leans forward, and I can smell the beer on his breath.

_Because Emmett won't like it._

_Because you're drunk and sad and it's messing with my fucking head._

"Jack and Nova are sleeping. I need to check on them."

He nods and slowly releases my hair but not my hand. "Check on them," he says. "But come back."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"_Why_, Edward?"

He shrugs, looks away, shakes his head, and I pull my hand from his. "I'll be back," I stupidly say. "But drink some water or better yet, make me some fucking coffee."

He smirks and stands on unsteady feet, and I back away from him, and his needy eyes.

I cross the street, wanting to punch myself in the fucking face for going over there in the first place.

_You're such a stupid asshole, Bella._

I check on Nova and Jack, finding them both sound asleep, Tiger all curled up next to Nova, and I shake my head in disgust.

I shouldn't go back over there.

I fucking _shouldn't, _but I told him I would, and what an asshole that would make me if I didn't.

Slipping on a pair of Vans, I do the stupid thing and go back with Edward.

And it _is_ stupid.

It will always be the _stupidest _fucking thing I've ever done.

So fucking _stupid._

~o~O~o~

Fuck, I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

I fucking _knew_ it.

_Oh God!_

This isn't fucking right.

_Stop him, you fucking asshole._

Why am I not stopping him!

_What am I doing?_

_What am I doing?_

_What the fuck am I doing?_

The unfamiliar lips on mine are both unwelcome and fucking soul changing.

The hands holding my face are too soft nothing like the roughness I'm so used to, but _perfect._

_He's not my husband._

_He's not my goddamn husband._

I jerk away from him, and his glossy green eyes scorch me from the outside in. "We can't do this…"

He pushes closer, his hands tangling in my hair. "Why not?"

_Why not?_

"I'm married…"

"So am I."

_Oh shit._

_Shit._

_Shit._

_SHIT!_

"I'm fucking _married_!"

"So…the fuck…am _I_." He pushes me into the door, his erection digging into my stomach and yanks my head back. "Don't fight it, princess," he whispers, his lips once again back on mine. "This, _us_, it's undeniable. It was always going to fucking happen."

_Fuck me._

My hands unwillingly find their way up the back of his shirt, digging in and scratching. He groans into my mouth, and I kiss him deeper.

I can't fucking stop it.

I cannot fucking _stop_ this.

His hands wander. They fucking wander every part of my body, and I am begging for it. His touch, it's so fucking different, so fucking _right._

_How can that be?_

When our clothes are gone and he's sliding into me, I feel fucking euphoric.

This shit is otherworldly.

Life changing.

_So fucking life changing._

I want to cry.

I want to rip his fucking hair out.

I want to know why the fuck he moved in across the street and turned my world upside fucking down.

Who does that?

Who the fuck waltzes into someone's life and changes their entire perspective?

I want to fucking scream.

Instead, I pull him closer and kiss him even deeper, wanting the feel of him inside me to never ever fucking end.

It's going to end.

It's going to fucking end.

It _has_ to.

It _doesn't._

Edward's lips trail down my cheek, and he pumps his hips so fucking hard, I feel like I'm going to go through the wall. He's rough and frantic, so fucking desperate, and there is a war going on inside my head.

I fucking knew the second I laid eyes on him in that skinny tie, holding my can of Rotel that he was going to fucking railroad my life.

He's a fucking life ruiner.

I fucking _hate_ him.

"Princess," he rasps against my neck, and I squeeze my legs tighter around his waist as I feel my body shaking, his thrusts slowing but grinding, making me throw my head back and shudder through a betrayal so fucking unforgivable, I'll never come back from this.

_Never._


	8. Chp 7: Gunpowder & Lead

**I'm not crying, you're crying!**

* * *

**~*Chapter Seven*~  
**_-Gunpowder & Lead-_

…EC…

He's going to fucking ruin her life.

That's all he can think about as he makes Bella coffee as a fucking bribe to stay with him just a little bit longer.

There is no doubt in his mind that if he goes through with this shit, he's going to tear her world apart. He doesn't want to hurt her, he can hardly bare the fucking thought, but she makes him feel so many things aside from the heartbreak he's been living with for two long, miserable years.

It's no excuse, taking Bella down with him, but he's a selfish asshole, and he knows it would be _everything_ between them.

_Fucking everything._

He grabs a water bottle and drains the entire thing, trying like fuck to sober up. He's not _that_ drunk, but he's had enough that he will feel it in his head in the morning.

After pouring Bella's coffee, he carries it out to the garage, hoping she stays the fuck away but praying she comes back.

The night was shit before she snuck up on him, looking sexy as fuck in her tiny clothes and shoeless feet. She is – no fucking lie – the sexiest thing he's ever laid eyes on.

She's so untouchable.

_So fucking untouchable_, but he's stupid enough to try.

Bella's going to be the one to make him feel whole again, he fucking knows it.

He lifts his head at the sound of her feet tapping across the cement, and she has shoes on, her smile timid, making his heart beat a shameless beat inside his cracked open chest.

"You came back," he says, smiling at this foul-mouthed princess.

"I hope that's my coffee," she sasses, making him chuckle. He holds it up, and she pulls it from his hand before sitting in her chair across from him, so fucking far away.

She looks around the garage, her eyes flitting to him every few seconds, sipping her coffee, tapping her feet, making him feel completely fucking on edge.

"So…what do you do?" She finally asks, her mouth hidden behind the rim of her mug. "What's your job? Don't you have one of those things?" The mug lowers and her lips lift into a smile.

He leans forward, letting his hands hang between his knees and gives her anything she asks for. "I'm a high school history teacher."

"What! No way!" Her eyes widen, and he laughs at her shock.

"Way, princess."

"You don't _look_ like a teacher."

"What exactly does a teacher look like?"

She flicks a hand out, struggling for words. "I don't know…like you know, a big gut maybe, like glasses, no hair!"

Oh fuck, she's nuts.

"Well…" he gestures to his body. "This is my summer body. Once school starts, I'll look like a teacher again."

She snorts and rolls her eyes, draining her glass before setting it on the ground at her feet, her eyes glancing at his bike every now and then. "You ride your bike to school?"

He slides his eyes to his _Ducati_ before nodding, feeling a slow smile spreading across his lips. "You like it?"

"It's alright," she says, and he knows she's fucking lying. She's such a smug cute little shit most of the time. It doesn't bother him, if anything it makes his dick hard.

Bella, he finds out, is straight up fucking _funny_ crazy. He can't even remember the last time he's laughed so much.

She tells him about her life and her crazy kids, the cat Nova picked out and how she thinks he's a damn demon.

He wants to finish _his_ story, tell her about how fucking stupid and irresponsible Mae was when she killed our daughter, but her bright eyes and sexy smile is so much better than the horrified gray from before.

He wants to bask in those eyes, fucking live there and see the world from her view because his fucking sucks.

When she runs home again to check on her kids, he runs a hand down his face and yanks at his hair, feeling so fucking conflicted.

How can he fucking want this girl when she has two kids of her own and a fucking husband?

_How can I fuck up her life?_

He honestly doesn't expect her to but when she does fucking come back, his mind his made up, damn the fucking consequences.

"They're sleeping," she says and holds up her hands. "I brought a snack."

She holds up a bag of chips and some water, and _fuck him_.

Him and her, it was always going to happen, and _no_ chips aren't the goddam reason for this epiphany. He knew it the first time he laid eyes on her, crawling on the hot pavement in the parking lot of a stupid _Fry's _market.

He knew it when she didn't kick him out of her car.

_She should have fucking kicked me out of her fucking car._

Her smile tells it all, even if she doesn't know it, her fucking smile tells him everything he needs to know.

She's going to ruin him just as much as he's going to ruin her.

It's inevitable.

~o~O~o~

It's four in the morning, and her eyes are sleepy, but she's still smiling. Edward stands from his chair when she moves to get up. He grabs her hand, looking down at the way it looks being held in his. It's so fucking small, a perfect fucking fit.

_Is she perfect for me?_

How can she be when she's married with a family of her own?

"Edward…"

He shouldn't fucking do it. She's only trying to say goodnight, but he's afraid it might just be _goodbye._

"Princess," he says, a _plea_, a fucking _warning._

When her hair is in his hands and her lips are pressed against his, he feels like he's finally fucking breathing again.

She doesn't push him away.

Not at first.

He pushes his luck, pulling her closer and pushing them back until her back is flat against the wall and his entire body is covering her small frame.

Her lips brush his, soft, so fucking delicate and he imagined her _wild_ just like her personality, but her lips on his feel nothing like she's going to destroy him instead like she's going to fucking _save_ him.

When his shaking hands grip her cheeks, she yanks away from him, and this is it, this is the fucking end. She'll go back to her house, locked far away from him.

Her gray eyes look like the worst thunderstorm, and his heart almost races out of his goddamn chest. "We can't do this," she says, breathing labored, eyes wide.

He pushes as close to her as he can get, letting his hands tangle in the back of her thick hair, the words that his mouth so fucking stupid. "Why not?"

_You know why not, you fucking dickhead._

"I'm married…"

"So am I," he shoots back, and it doesn't mean shit coming from him. Mae's gone, never fucking coming back. His marriage was over the second Emma stopped breathing.

"I'm fucking _married._"

"So…" he pushes her into the side door of the garage "the fuck…" and lets her feel how hard his cock is for her, how much he wants her "am _I._" He pulls her head back, his eyes scanning her flushed face. "Don't fight it, princess," he whispers, his lips brushing hers, too soft, _not _enough. "This, _us_, it's undeniable." His teeth pull gently at her plump bottom lip, and she gasps. "It was always going to happen."

She stares up at him for what feels like a fucking century then her hands are in the back of his shirt, scratching, _gripping_, and the groan that leaves his mouth shakes the fucking world. She kisses him back now, mashes her lips against his, kissing him like she wants to destroy his mouth, his _life, _and he opens for her, pushing his tongue past her perfect teeth until their tongues are battling a war they're both going to fucking lose.

His hands yank and pull at every tiny piece of her clothing, their lips separating long enough for him to get her shirt off.

_Fuck, he's going to hell._

She pulls his shirt off, her lips licking and sucking at his chest, and he holds her head against him, trying not to fucking come all over himself. She nibbles and bites, and the growl that leaves his throat could scare the fucking birds away.

He yanks her back and kicks his shoes off, kissing all over her face as he gets his pants undone and pulled almost completely down his thighs, his throbbing cock falling between them.

_Fuck,_ he holds her against the door with a hand between her tits and reaches down for the condom in his pocket and rips it open with his teeth and slides the motherfucker on with shaking hands.

He doesn't give her time to protest or even think before he lifts her in his arms and slams inside of her, and _holy fuck,_ it's better than he ever could have imagined.

Her head falls back, and he fucks her fast, hard, and _rough_, because he can't fucking help it. She's tight and hot, and she feels like what finally waking up from a horrible fucking nightmare feels like.

Except the nightmare's real and _this_ is real, and she's giving him an escape he so desperately needs.

An escape that he never wants to fucking end.

He knows it will.

She's fucking married.

But _right now_, she's his fucking blonde haired, stormy eyed princess who's going to help seal the cracks in his heart, if only for minutes.

His lips kiss down her cheek, his hips move faster chasing that feeling of exhilaration when he finally hits that peak, and her hands on him drive him crazy, _so fucking crazy._

"Princess…" He buries his face in her neck and the rough scratch of his voice fucking _hurts._ She squeezes her thighs tight around him and when her body quakes, he slows his thrusts and pushes all the way inside her, grinding against her, watching with half-lidded eyes as she throws her head back and comes all over his cock.

She moans a heartbreaking moan, and he grips her fucking tight as he shudders through his own life changing release.

When he slips from her, she slides down his body, looking so dazed and confused, her eyes lifting to his and the _hurt_ he sees there almost brings him to his fucking knees.

She's heartbreak and despair, and he's on his way straight to hell

_Fuck, I'm sorry, Bella._

Tears pour down her cheeks, and he gathers her clothes in one hand, and then kisses her face, telling her how fucking sorry he is. She lets him dress her, and then she is fucking frantic, slapping his hands away.

He steps back, shirt off, pants still undone, and she stares at him, breathing hard, those fucking tears still pouring from her eyes.

"I…_god_, fuck you, Edward," she sneers brokenly.

"Princess…"

"Don't fucking call me that," she yells, and he fucking deserves this shit.

He _knows _it.

She walks away from him, _runs_, and what started as goodnight, is sure as fuck _goodbye _now.

_Fuck!_

~o~O~o~

…BB…

_What have I done?_

_Oh my God!_

I push inside my house, the tears of betrayal running down my cheeks, a fucking reminder that I just let Edward fuck me.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

A sob rips from my chest, and I lock the door and go straight to my bathroom and trip into the shower to wash every trace of that man off me.

All I can think about is Emmett and how much this is going to hurt him.

_I can't fucking tell him._

Edward and me, _that _will _never_ happen again. It was a mistake, a stupid fucking mistake. I let him and his stupid sad eyes pull me in and wreck everything.

_How can I keep this from Emmett?_

_How can I _tell _him?_

I scrub my body until my skin is red and my fingers are pruned. I dry off and pull on a pair of panties and one of Emmett's tees.

_Oh God_, _Emmett._

When I crawl into our bed, I smell him – _us_ – all over it, and I fucking hate myself.

More tears pour from my eyes, and I feel like screaming.

Emmett is _everything _good, my perfect crazy ass fun husband, the best father to Nova and Jack, and I'm just throwing it away.

I _can't._

_I won't._

I can't tell him, I just _can't._

A broken man with sea green eyes can't just move in and threaten what Emmett and I have.

_Shut the fuck up, Bella! _

_He already has!_

I bury my face in the pillow and sob so hard my body aches, and when Emmett calls hours later and says he has to work a double, I cry even harder after hanging up.

_What have I done!_

~o~O~o~

"Good morning, Bella dear, you look like you didn't get a wink of sleep. Are you feeling ill?"

Mrs. Levitt hobbles past me, and Jack Jack speed crawls toward her, but I gather his screaming little ass up and wait for Mrs. Levitt to sit before placing him in her lap.

Nova is down the hall, her one-man band at full force. Mrs. Levitt flinches with every beat of the drum, and if I wasn't such a miserable, horrible person, I'd laugh at her.

As it is, I can barely stand myself enough to go on with the day.

"Are you hungry?" I ask.

_Please say no._

"Edward…" I flinch at the sound of his name, but Mrs. Levitt doesn't notice, her attention on Jack and trying to stop him from slapping her in the face. "…we had a quick breakfast before he left town."

_He left town?_

"He moved?" I ask, feeling shocked, elation, and a little bit of complete disappointment.

_How stupid!_

"No dear, he went to visit Mae."

_What!_

_Why would he visit Mae? _

_The person that killed his daughter!_

_You don't care, you cheating whore!_

"Is everything okay?"

I hate myself so much right now.

When Jack tries to claw Mrs. Levitt's eye ball out, I pull him from her arms and ignore the slap to my boob. That's my new tactic. Pretend he's not asking for a drink and a nibble and give him some cold milk instead.

He _hates_ it and throws it to the floor.

"He looked a little worse for wear, but he didn't say anything was wrong."

_You should have asked, Mrs. Levitt!_

_Stop caring, Bella!_

"Hmmm," I hmmm, picking up Jack's cup and placing it back on his tray just for him to throw the fucker back down. "Hope everything's okay."

_Do I?_

I shouldn't.

"I'm sure it is. Bella dear, I hate to ask, but can you take me to my doctor appointment? I planned on asking Edward, and Billy, he's off visiting his son."

"Sure, Mrs. Levitt. What time?"

"It's a 10."

The clock says nine.

_Oh great, I guess I'll be going out looking like death._

"Let me get changed and get the kids ready."

"Take your time, dear."

Which means nothing when I only have 30 minutes.

I have to wrestle the drumsticks from Nova and harp on her until she's finding something to wear. Then Jack Jack is screaming and carrying one while I try to dress his wiggly ass.

Finally, when we're all ready to go, we pile into the car and listen to Nova's favorite, John Legend.

His voice soothes me and breaks me at the same time.

_Fuck you, John Legend._

I take the kids to the park across the street while Mrs. Levitt is in with the doctor. Nova is like a damn monkey climbing all over everything, and I swing with Jack until he falls asleep.

When Nova gets too hot, she falls onto the bench next to me, gasping for water. I hand one over, and she gulps and gulps, letting water spill down her chin like an animal before handing it back.

"Can we get a dog?"

"What! No! You just got Tiger."

She pushes her hair off her face, saying, "The dog can stay outside. Please, mama. Daddy would love a dog! Let's surprise him." She gives me those big scary blue eyes, and I want to say no because getting a dog is a fucking crazy ass shit idea, but I let my guilt win over.

"Okay, Nova, but you have to clean the poop in the yard."

"Eww, no, mama. We'll let daddy."

I snort through an aching heart. "We'll see if Mrs. Levitt is okay with stopping for a dog."

"She will be. I already told her you'd say yes, she just didn't believe me."

_What!_

"When did you tell her?"

The sneaky little shit.

"When you were getting dressed. I think we can name him…" she taps her chin with her finger and bites her lip. "…I know! Bear!"

_Here we go again._

"Bear for a dog?"

"Yeah," she shrugs. "Why not?"

"Why don't you _pick_ the dog then name it?"

"Okay, but I bet I will still like Bear."

_Emmett may just kill me._

_For more than the stupid fucking dog._

Mrs. Levitt gives a little chuckle when she comes out and Nova says we're getting a dog.

"Just don't let that dog scare my Tabby off."

If Tiger hasn't scared her off, _nothing _will.

~o~O~o~

Nova picks a bulldog puppy and names him Bear.

_Of course._

Mrs. Levitt sits with the kids in the car while I run in for puppy food, puppy dishes and a puppy bed because, _yes_ you guessed it, the puppy is too much of a baby to sleep outside right now.

Nova really knows how to sucker me.

Bear will be sleeping in the washroom. There's already a baby gate on the door. I refuse to have doggy shit all over my house.

At least the cat shits in Emmett's shoes and not on my floor, and we don't have to worry about the damn thing shedding.

_Little bald bitch._

I've literally gone bat shit crazy if I'm naming the pros of having Tiger in the damn house.

Once we get home, Nova and Jack sit behind the baby gate and play with Bear, giggling and screaming like crazy people. Jack tries to strangle him, but Nova saves him just in time.

When I'm standing at the door watching Mrs. Levitt shuffle home, Emmett drives up, and my heart trips over itself.

"I thought you had to work a double," I call out, fearing he's going to scent the betrayal on me the closer he gets to me.

"Hey, sweetheart," he grins, and my heart breaks. "Jasper found a babysitter, so I got to come home." He kisses me, and my heart shatters. "Where's Jack Jack and Nova? Sleeping?" He asks hopefully, and my heart is so black I'm surprised I'm still alive.

"Well…" I say, swallowing but then a puppy barks come from the house and Emmett's eyes widen.

"Please tell me Jack learned a new trick."

I start laughing, and Emmett's all, "Sweetheart, you did not get a fucking dog!"

"Nova said you'd love a dog!" I say, like buying him a present he doesn't even fucking wants will make up for last night.

_Fuck, don't even think about it!_

"Oh shit," he says, grabbing my boobs with both hands, using them to push me inside. "You owe me."

_Come on, princess. Just one drink. You owe me._

Fucking Edward.

Emmett leaves me to close the door and goes in search of the kids and that damn puppy.

I feel like fucking crying.

"Look daddy!" Nova yells at the same time Jack screams, "Dada!"

_My heart is failing._

I walk to the washroom and find Emmett behind the gate with the kids, letting the puppy crawl all over him. He grins up at me, killing me softly with those baby blues. "He's alright, sweetheart. I just hope he doesn't eat Nova's rat."

"Daddy," she screams in outrage. "Tiger's not a rat and Bear won't eat him. Will you beary weary, huh? You won't eat Tiger cuz you're a good boy, yes you are."

Emmett chuckles, and I smile before saying I'll be back.

I wander down the hall to the bedroom I share with Emmett and lock myself in the bathroom, bending over the sink to catch my fucking breath.

I can't fucking _breathe._

_How will I ever fucking breathe again?_

~o~O~o~

…EC…

"_Daddy," Emma says, climbing onto his lap. "I drawed a dragon fwy."_

_It looks nothing like a dragonfly, but Emma drew it, so it's a fucking masterpiece._

"_Wow, you did good, baby."_

"_It's for you." She holds it out to him, grinning, and then she whispers. "Don't tell mommy, she wanted it."_

_She giggles, and he kisses her pretty hair before she runs off with his entire heart in her hand._

…

…

…

"_One more story, daddy, I not tired yet."_

_Emma yawns, and he lays down next to her. She stares at him with sleepy green eyes, and he tells her about princesses and dragons, her favorite, and when he tells her that the dragon sprays fire from his mouth, she stops him and says, "No daddy, the dragon is nice. No fire."_

_So, he starts over and says the dragon saves the princess, and she smiles before her eyes close and she knocks out. _

…

…

…

"_I go with you, daddy."_

_Emma's arms are wrapped around his leg as she stands on his feet. He walks around the room, packing a bag for his trip to Nevada for a teaching conference, dragging Emma with him. He doesn't want to go, but the entire teaching staff is required to attend. It fucking sucks. Mae can't miss work, so both of his girls are getting left behind._

"_Sorry, baby, but daddy can't take you."_

"_I miss you, doe."_

_His little girl melts his fucking heart._

_Mae gets pissed because Emma's a daddy's girl, and the second she entered this world, she had him wrapped around her pretty little finger._

_He picks her up and kisses her cheeks, and she does it back to him before wrapping her arms around his neck._

"_I'll miss you too, baby. When I get back, we'll go for ice cream."_

"_Can I have spwinkles?"_

_He nods. "You can have all the spwinkles you want."_

"_Spwinkles, daddy, not spwinkles." She giggles, squeezing his cheeks._

"_Sorry, that's what I meant."_

_Emma kills him with her tears when he's heading out. "Don't cry. I'll be back so fast you won't even know I'm gone."_

"_I know you gone, daddy."_

_He smiles and wipes her tears. "I love you, beautiful girl."_

"_I love you, too, daddy."_

…

…

…

_The news is called it an accident, like Emma died in a car wreck or some shit, but she fucking didn't._

_Mae _forgot_ she was in the fucking car._

_She got up in the morning, loaded his little girl in the car for daycare, and then drove to fucking work and left his sleeping little girl to burn up in the car for nine hours._

_How could she fucking forget?_

_You don't just forget your child in a car, he doesn't care if she is silent as a mouse and sleeping like a goddamn angel._

_You don't fucking forget her!_

_It was ruled an _accident _after the investigation – I guess that's where the news got their information – and no charges were pressed against Mae. She was just so tired and Emma was just so quiet and she forgot._

_I fucking _hate_ that word._

_The last time he saw his precious little girl he was promising her ice cream with _spwinkles _and telling her he loved her._

_Now, she's locked in that tiny fucking casket about to be buried in the ground all because her mother forgot her in the goddamn car!_

_Mae leans into him, the feel of her tears soaking his jacket making him want to strangle her. _

_How could you forget, Mae?_

_What were you even thinking?_

_She's gone, Mae, and it's all your fucking fault._

…

…

…

Edward pulls over on the side of the road, rips his helmet off and tosses it to the ground. His lungs are burning and his throat constricts with every swallow.

This fucking godforsaken place brings back all the precious memories of Emma but along with all the good ones, it brings back the worst one of all.

_She's dead._

He can't fucking breathe.

_Emma's dead, and she's never coming back._

Tears burn his eyes, and he just can't fucking breathe.

"_I love you, too, daddy."_

_Fuck,_ he wants to hear her voice.

He wants to listen to her mispronounce words.

He wants to tell her made up stories about anything and everything.

He wants to tuck her in every single goddamn night and tell her how much he loves her.

He wants her to draw him a thousand more pictures, so they can decorate every single wall of their house.

He just fucking wants _her._

Pushing off his bike, he grabs his helmet and slams it back on his head before heading into Forks to divorce his fucking wife.

Then, he's going to visit his little girl, take her pretty flowers, and tell her stories about princesses and dragons.


	9. Chp 8: Sober and Sorry

**I know some of us are having some real issues with Bella (I'm sorry), but truthfully, she will probably continue to piss you off. **

**I don't hate Edward. **

**There's an Em/B love scene…because well, what can I do.**

**Reading reviews are so scary now.**

**Keep scaring me, please.**

**Being scared is a favorite pastime of mine.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Eight*~**

_-Sober and Sorry-_

…BB…

"Nova!"

"_No_!"

I blink my eyes open, flinching at the bright sun filtering through the window and slowly roll over to find Emmett standing at the bedroom door, his eyes looking down the hall.

"What, daddy? I'm sleepin'!"

"You are not," he says. "I heard you making all your racket since before the sun was up. Come and get Tiger out of here before I throw him outside."

Nova gasps, and I hear her feet patter across the floor. "He can't be outside, daddy. He's a house kitty. Come here, Tigey, hurry before mean daddy throws you outside."

"Nova…"

"I got him."

I sit up and catch Nova snuggling the ugly thing, passing Emmett by as she leaves the room. "And no more drums. Take a nap, Nova."

"I'm _not _tired," she yells. "I can't sleep when I'm not tired. I'll just be laying there staring at the roof!"

"Fuck, sweetheart," Emmett huffs, shutting the door, clicking the lock and dropping his boxers. "She drives me nuts."

I want to keep up this avoidance tactic, tell Emmett I'm fucking tired, run from the room, _anything_ to get him from coming one step closer.

It's been a week since I betrayed him, since Edward left, leaving me a fractured fucking mess.

I decided I'm not telling Emmett no matter how fucking shitty that is of me.

Why do I let one stupid mistake ruin this perfect life we've built?

Edward is _nobody._

Emmett is _everything._

If this is so true, then why can't I stop thinking about Edward wherever the fuck he might be? Why can't I get those wretched green eyes out of my head? Why do I hurt so much for him losing his daughter?

Because if I didn't, I'd be not only a _whore_ but a heartless one.

Emmett climbs onto the bed, and my heart is pounding so hard, I can feel it in my throat. I want him. I _so_ fucking want him, but I feel so fucking dirty letting him inside me after I let Edward in there.

_I am a horrible human being._

"Sweetheart," Emmett says, grinning, his big hand wrapped around that massive cock. "I'm so fucking hard. Come here, give me a hand."

I crawl to my knees and shuffle over until I'm in front of him, almost touching him. I don't like being a fucking timid mouse with my husband.

_He's my goddamn husband._

I wrap my hand around him, and he grunts, "Yeah," and kisses me as I stroke him. His hand finds its way into my panties, and _this_ is right, _this _is who's supposed to be touching me, giving me all his love.

_Emmett._

"Fuck, sweetheart," he murmurs against my lips, and I stroke him faster, squirming when he shoves a big finger inside me. "I want my cock right here." He bites my lip, and I moan. "Shhh, no noises."

_Fuck, Nova's awake._

He yanks at my panties until I stand before him and pull them off. He lifts my shirt and kisses and sucks all over my boobs.

They're not Jack's anymore.

He grips my ass cheeks roughly and lifts me as he settles back on his knees, sliding me right onto his cock, all the way until I'm fully seated with him buried inside me.

"Yeah," he rumbles. "Ride my cock, sweetheart."

_Oh fuck._

I grip his shoulders and do as he asks, staring into his half-lidded eyes.

_Not_ green.

_Green_ doesn't fucking matter.

Emmett lightly slaps my ass, and I move faster, faster, _faster, _trying to hurry before we're interrupted by Nova or Jack or ugly rats and fat bulldogs or…

_Motorcycles._

I lose my rhythm, and Emmett takes over, doing me so hard I'm going to be sore. He's gone, so fucking into it, he can't tell that my mind has left me.

_Go the fuck away, Edward._

_Why did you come back?_

The purr of that engine gets closer, and I _hate_ him.

Mostly because I don't think I actually hate him, not even a little bit.

"Sweetheart," Emmett interrupts, licking my cheek, grinding roughly into me as his finger finds my clit and rubs and flicks until I'm tightening around him, giving him what he needs as I come hard, feeling him pulsating inside me as he finds his, too. "Fuck…"

He kisses my neck and lifts me off him, tossing me onto the bed. "Damn, I'm fucking tired now," he says, falling next to me.

"You have to work," I remind him.

"Fuck, I know." He presses his lips to my head before going into the bathroom and turning the shower on.

I pull on my panties and a pair of shorts and slap myself in the head a few fucking times.

Edward's back.

Edward's fucking back to make my life that much harder.

I shouldn't put all the blame on him, but like an asshole, I _do_.

My heart can't take this, _any_ of it.

Edward looked at me like we had a secret once.

_Now_ we fucking do.

One I don't know how long I can keep before it eats me alive.

~o~O~o~

Alice took the kids to some craft kids' day at Home Depot, and I'm doing what normal housewives do when they're free of kids for a while.

Laying on the couch watching T.V. of course.

I haven't even showered, but _both _kids being gone at the same time?

_Fuck the shower._

_Fuck the cleaning._

_Fuck you, laundry!_

Although I've been trying to watch _Game of Thrones _for half my life and the damn thing keeps buffering. I've never been able to get past the first 30 minutes of season one, episode one. I don't know why I even try.

I stuff a chip in my mouth and start to wash it down with some water, my eyes trained on the buffer bar on the stupid TV when a knock on the door has me choking a bit.

I sputter and hack until my airways are clear of any obstructions.

_Nobody dies on my watch._

Anyway, it's probably Mrs. Levitt wanting to have our daily visit, you know, so she can steal all of my powdered donuts.

I roll off the couch and head to the door, but my feet stutter to a stop when I find Tiger sitting in front of the door like he's some goddamn sentry.

"Move, Tiger," I say, staying as far back as I can from that beast.

He lays on his belly and starts licking his paw, ignoring my command just like Nova and Jack Jack.

These damn kids are all the same.

The knock comes again, and _hold your horses_, Mrs. Levitt, I'm about to have a squabble with a cat.

"Tiger, get! Move! _Now_, Tiger!"

The little bitch just looks at me with a smirk.

Oh God, I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to pick up the hairless rat and hold it in my arms.

Scared out of my wits, I bend down and swipe him up, cringing at the feel of his weird skin. He kind of roars, making me flinch, and I pull the door open, my eyes never leaving the demon in case he makes a sudden move right for my juggler or some shit.

"Just come in, Mrs. Levitt, I need to put Tiger in Nova's room."

A throat clears, _a deep sound_, and I'm more afraid to look up than I am of Tiger now.

"Princess…"

_Fuck me._

_Why is he here?_

_And what did I say about calling me princess?_

I take my eyes off Tiger for merely a split second to find haunted green eyes, messy hair, and _scruff_, and that split second is enough for Tiger to make his move. He swipes at my cheek, making me scream, and I drop the little ball sack and grab at my face.

"What the fuck, Tiger? Shit, I'm bleeding," I say to _no one_, looking down at my bloodless fingers.

"You're not bleeding," Edward says.

_How would you know, Edward?_

_Are you the fucking blood police!_

"It's just a scratch…"

_Oh, just a scratch, huh? _

_Just a small little scratch? _

_Like the one on my cheating heart!_

I studiously ignore Edward and walk away, just leave him standing in my doorway, the door wide open, probably letting every fly known to man in.

Then I turn back around and pull him into the house by his arm and shut the door. "I hate flies."

"Bella…"

"What are you doing here?" I ask, finally having the balls to look into those haunted green eyes, and _damn him to hell_ for looking so fucking broken. "It was a mistake, Edward."

He nods, looks away, rolls his lips, stuffs his hands in his goddamn pockets, and then says, "I'm sorry."

I laugh, kind of like Nova's crazy ass, and shake my head. "Sorry doesn't mean shit. I _cheated_ on my husband. You cheated on your wife! That's just so fucked up!"

He lifts his chin a smidge. "She's not my wife anymore…or she won't be for long."

"So, that's why you went to visit Mae?"

_Shut the fuck up, you fucking idiot._

His eyes crinkle, and I throw a hand up. "Mrs. Levitt mentioned it. I don't care, Edward."

_Except I kind of do._

_Satan, just take me now._

"Does Emmett know?"

"What! No! I didn't tell him. I _can't_ tell him. _You _can't!"

He holds his hands up, his eyes all assessing my crazy ass self and shit. "I'm not going to tell him, princess."

_Aye, princess!_

_Stop with the princess!_

_Whores are not princesses, Edward!_

My heart is nearly pounding right out of my chest, and I try to calm my shit, but I fear I'm having a straight up panic attack. When my vision starts to blur and my body starts to sway, Edward grabs both my arms, and damnhim.

Just _damn him!_

"Breathe, Bella…"

I focus on the way his hands feel on my arms, and even though it's so fucking wrong, and I feel like the worst kind of person, his touch is kind of soothing me.

_I hate myself._

"I'm okay," I say, but he doesn't release me, not at first. The pads of his fingers stroke a fucking symphony on the bottoms of my arms, and I _hate_ the heartbreaking fucking sound.

When he steps back, I feel all bereft and shit, and he smiles _the_ smile, but its laced with sadness this time, and _don't give me those sad eyes, Edward, I can't bear the sight._

"I'll stay away," his words say, but his eyes, they say he wants to do anything _but_ that, and it's the right thing to do, the _best_ thing to do. "I'm…" he steps closer, and I hold my breath. "I'm just so fucking sorry. Shit, princess. My head…it's all over the fucking place. You have this way of making me…fuck, I don't know. I just feel like I need you."

_What!_

He closes his eyes, shakes his head in frustration, like he regrets the words as soon as they leave that sinful mouth.

_I regret his words for him._

"Just…" he tries to smile, and my heart aches for him. "I'm just gonna go."

He pulls me into his arms, and _hugs _me, his arms squeezing the breath from my lungs, his hand finding its way into my hair and holding me to him. "Don't hate me for wanting you, princess," he rasps before pulling away, leaving me to feel five fucking million different emotions.

None of them _hate._

~o~O~o~

_Oh my God!_

_Where is he?_

I've searched this entire damn house and can't find Nova's cat _anywhere_. She's going to accuse me of murdering it. I can see it now. She knows I hate the little fucker, and she's going to hang me before she even hears my side of the story.

_I didn't touch a hair on that thing's body!_

_Shit, he doesn't even have hair!_

I'm dead.

I'm a fucking goner.

Nova's going indict me for a crime I didn't commit.

Grabbing Bear – I'm not losing another goddamn animal – I run to Mrs. Levitt's and don't bother knocking on her door before barging in.

"Have you seen Tiger? He escaped, and I can't find him."

Mrs. Levitt's eyes widen, and she _knows_ Nova is going to be on a rampage. "Oh dear, let me help you." She pushes from her chair and hobbles after me.

Bless her soul.

I check Mrs. Levitt's yard, my yard, under the steps, in the mailbox for crying out loud, then we look in Billy's yard and the rest of the neighbor's yard, and I'm avoiding Edward's yard like the plague but it's either die from the disease or die by the hands of my psychotic six-year-old.

I take the plague route.

I knock on his door, cuddling Bear in my arms because I _do _love this little guy. That's _not_ to say I killed Tiger and buried him in the backyard just because I couldn't stand the fucking furless little shit.

Mrs. Levitt calls out that she's going to call Irene one street over to see if she's seen him. I fear that anyone that comes across Tiger, will shoot first ask questions later.

_Shit._

Edward opens the door, and like a complete psycho myself, I start accusing him of kidnapping. "Do you have Tiger?"

"Tiger?" He asks, looking half asleep and very confused.

"Nova's cat!"

He blinks a few times and then just stares at me like I've lost my mind.

"Well! Do you?"

"Why would I have Nova's cat?" He says, kind of choking on his hilarity.

_What's funny, Edward?_

"I don't know, but you left my door open to let the flies in and the cat out and now he's missing! Nova's going to fucking murder me in my sleep!"

"I didn't leave your door open, and who's the dog?"

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry, how rude of me to not make proper introductions. Edward, this is Bear…Bear this is Edward, mouse 'killer' and cat thief!" Edward starts laughing and pulls Bear from my arms, bringing him up to his face to look into his soul or something equally annoying.

"I didn't steal your cat," he says, side-eying me, his lips lifting just a smidgen then under his breath, "if that's what you call a cat."

I snort a laugh before I can control myself and tell him, "Give me my puppy back."

_Meow._

My eyes widen, and I shush him when he tries to talk. "Wait, _listen._"

Edward chuckles, but he listens and we hear it again.

_Meow._

Edward heads toward his garage, cradling Bear in his arm, and I follow after them and find Tiger having a little rest beneath the tire of Edward's bike.

Edward looks over at me, his eyes all big, his smile breathtaking. "I did not take your cat."

It's fucking hilarious how he's trying to prove himself innocent. "First of all, that thing is not _mine_, he's Nova's. Second of all, I'm calling the cops."

"You're so full of shit," he laughs, petting my puppy's head all lovingly.

I grin and we just stare at each other, grinning, and then slowly our smiles fade and reality kicks in.

I swallow, and he looks away then bends down to pick up Tiger.

_He's so fucking brave._

He holds both animals out to me, and I grab Bear before cringing and taking Tiger in my other hand, holding him far away from my body so not to get mangled again.

"Oh good, you found him," Mrs. Levitt says, sneaking up on us. She pulls him from my hand – _thank God – _and coos to him like any good grandmother would do. "Let's get him home. The poor thing is shaking."

_Oh please!_

Mrs. Levitt and I head across the street, and when I glance over my shoulder and find Edward's eyes on me, I wish for so many stupid things.

Things too stupid to even say out loud.

~o~O~o~

…EC…

The weeks drag by, and Edward is fucking miserable. He spends his days toying with his bike and carting Mrs. Levitt around when she needs him, _when _Bella's not available. He hasn't seen much of her since she accused him of stealing Nova's cat.

Shit, she's fucking crazy.

His mom keeps calling him, begging for him to travel with her and his dad to Florida, but he doesn't want to go from fucking hot to fucking hotter even if it is tempting.

He's just about to head to the store when Emmett and Nova grab his attention. She's on his shoulders, dripping a popsicle down her face and fingers, and honest to God, he feels that shit like a physical rip to his heart.

"How's it going, man?" Emmett says.

_Not good man, not fucking good._

"Not bad," he lies, stepping onto the heated asphalt.

"Shit, Nova, you're dripping it all over me."

"Daddy, you said a bad word!"

"No, I didn't. I said tit…"

"Eww," she squeals, and Emmett backtracks, stumbling over his words.

"_Quit_ I mean," he laughs, and Nova is still dripping red sugar all down Emmett's head, her own head thrown back, cackling like her mom.

_Fuck._

"Hey, we're having a barbeque if you want to stop by. The kids will do fireworks even though the fire chief will kick my…butt. Bella's out now picking up a…butt load of food."

Damn, this shit is harder than he thought it would be which it was pretty fucking hard to stay away to begin with.

Nova drops a chunk of popsicle in Emmett's hair, and her eyes widen before she snorts and shakes her head at Edward, putting her fingers to her lips.

He chuckles and tells Emmett he might stop by later.

_He fucking won't._

Even if he is dying to be anywhere near Bella.

Even if that means watching her with her husband and not him.

What did he really expect out of this shit?

That she'd leave Emmett and come help him nurse his wounded heart.

_Fucking pathetic._

~o~O~o~

…BB…

Jack is gnawing on his own fingers instead of the French fries that sit on the tray right in front of him. Who would pass up French fries?

They're _French fries._

I swipe up a few, and _yep_, he screams his head off not liking one bit that someone else is eating the food that he wasn't planning on eating anyway.

"You need to share Jack Jack," I say, munching on the crunchy potatoes.

"No, mama! No!" He knocks a few to the floor, trying to cover them all with his little hands, and Mrs. Levitt just shakes her wrinkly little head.

"Are you sure you don't want to come celebrate with us?"

"Oh no. It's much too hot. I'd rather sit in front of my fan and watch TV with Tabby."

"I'll bring you a plate over."

"Yes, dear, that'd be nice. Oh look, there's Irene."

Irene is a miserable old woman who hates kids and gives my Jack Jack the stink eye the entire time he sits there throwing his food and banging his fists on the table.

_Lighten up, Irene!_

Jack and I, we leave Mrs. Levitt to visit with the grinch while we start shopping. Instead of sitting in the seat _made_ for little baby asses, Jack insists I carry him the entire time, making my job so much damn harder, but every time I try to put him in the cart, he starts to squeal like a pig.

_It's like he knows it's dirty and germ infested._

I even sanitized it with one of those antibacterial wipeys first.

I'm just glad Nova stayed home with Emmett or this trip would have been far worse.

Jack holds on to my neck for dear life when I bend down to grab some punch off the bottom shelf, like he thinks I'd actually drop him. I've only gotten the punch into the basket and haven't even started the _real _shopping yet and I'm already wanting to say fuck it and go home.

We could just order pizza on this beautiful Independence Day.

_Emmett would kill me._

I push the basket with one hand and grab more than we need, but when I look up and see we're only on aisle four, I want to just walk the fuck out.

I give the basket a shove and lift Jack higher in my arms – he's fucking heavy – and forget to look both ways before crossing and bang baskets with…

_Edward._

He smiles, and it still feels like he's ending my world with those teeth and those lips and let's not forget that face or that shredded heart hidden beneath his white t-shirt.

_Why, Edward? Why must you do this to me?_

"Hey, princess," he says with that rough voice, and Jack whips his head around all exorcist when he hears Edward.

I smile, because _really_, I _want_ to smile at him.

_Fucking sue me._

"Hey, thief."

His smile turns to a grin and then his eyes move to Jack who is staring up at him like he's some fallen dark angel. Edward reaches out and yanks on Jack's hand gently. "What up, Jack Jack?"

_Jack Jack!_

This really is painful to watch.

Jack just babbles nonsense, not really much of a conversationalist of actual words as of yet, but Edward seems to understand the babbling or at least doesn't want to be rude.

Edward keeps talking back to the babble and before I know it, Jack's in Edward's arms, and I am baby free but kind of freaking out because my baby is being held by the man who could ultimately be the cause of the end of my marriage.

"I'll walk with you," Edward says, jerking his chin for me to start walking. He just leaves his basket in the middle of the damn main aisle and follows close behind me as I shop.

_What the fuck is going on?_

I don't even know what I'm buying at this point.

I don't even know what I'm _doing _at this point.

_What the fuck _am_ I doing?_

I should rip Jack Jack from his arms and leave this man in the dust like my brain is telling me to do, but this stupid black heart of mine is so soft for Edward and his broken one.

His broken heart is no excuse for my behavior, _no fucking excuse_, but I can't seem to help myself around him.

I stop so suddenly, Edward runs into my back, and Jack Jack gets a hold of my hair, yanking it out of its bun, and Edward is all, "sorry, princess" and helps pry Jack's fingers from my hair.

"I forgot the buns," I say.

He nods and gestures to my hair. "Jack kind of messed that all…"

After I fix my hair, I finish shopping as fast as I can, trying to ignore Edward's rough voice murmuring to Jack, and at the register Mrs. Levitt catches sight of us and tells Irene goodbye. She gives Edward a bright smile as she ambles over.

"Edward, what a surprise seeing you here."

"I had some things to pick up," he says even though the only thing he picked up during our entire walk through the store was Jack.

"Well if you get bored, come on over and have a visit with Tabby and me. It's much too hot to be sittin' outside in this heat."

I keep my eyes on the cashier as she scans all my shit, glancing at Jack every once in a while in Edward's arm, feeling like this is a betrayal to Emmett in itself.

"Alright, Mrs. Levitt," he says. "Emmett told me to stop by for a bit…" I whip my head around and make eye contact with the green-eyed devil, and he gives me a tight smile. "I'll probably just kick back at home."

"Oh, go have some fun," Mrs. Levitt says. "You're too young to be an old bore like me." She laughs, not catching on to the tension in the air between the two fucking idiots that made a horrible mistake, who _continue _to be these careless assholes shopping and talking like they didn't fuck against a garage door in the middle of the night.

_I'm going straight to hell._

_Straight to fucking hell._

When the bagger says he'll give us a hand, Edward steps in saying, "I got it," and hands a _sleeping _Jack over, pushing me out of the way so he can grab the basket.

Once outside he says, "Take care of Jack Jack, princess. I got you," and then he starts loading all my bags into the car, and I get Jack and Mrs. Levitt settled, feeling all kinds of fucked up.

Circling the car, I watch Edward put the last bag in and close the hatch back. He scans my face, his hands gripping the basket, eyes dropping to every single part of my body before lifting back up to scorch me to the spot. "I won't come over," he says. "Don't worry, princess."

I swallow and stare at my feet, feeling so fucking sorry for him, when _really_ it's Emmett I should feel sorry for because _this man_, he's going to ruin everything, and I feel like it's going to be impossible to stop him.

"If you want to come…" I say, lifting my head. "…come, Edward."

He nods, and I nod then I leave him to the basket and try not to watch as he pushes it back toward the store and disappears inside.

What _is _wrong with me?


	10. Chp 9: Stone Cold Crazy

** I no longer know what I'm doing.**

**Sorry for not posting for DAYS, but I was having some issues.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Nine*~  
**_-Stone Cold Crazy-_

…BB…

It's been almost two weeks since he left for Florida, and I don't think of him at all.

Not even a little bit.

_Not even at all._

Nova's drums are pounding a wild, uneven beat, and I want to kill myself.

_Seriously._

It's six in the morning, and I can't even remember the last time we slept in.

"Em…" I blindly slap at him, snorting when I knock him in the face. "I thought you hid the sticks!"

Emmett rolls into me, practically covering my entire body. "Shhh, just ignore it. Sleep, sweetheart."

I lay still for a good 20 seconds before it's too much for me to bear. Emmett's back to snoring, so I pat his back, saying, "Get off, Em."

"Just a little longer…sleep…just little longer."

I push and shove until he's flopping to his side of the bed with a grunt and miserable sigh. "I swear I hid them," he says, shoving a pillow over his face, and yelling obscenities.

Crawling from the bed, I slip on my shorts and stomp down the hall, ready to give Nova a real piece of my mind, but when I get to her room and find her under her blankets pretending to be asleep, I kind of crack up a bit.

It's either laugh or be admitted to the looney bin.

"Nova! I know you're awake!"

She makes these little fake yawns and mumbles, peeking her squinting blue eyes out from beneath the blankets like she just barely woke up from a dreamy sleep.

She's fooling _no one._

"Mama, is it morning already?"

_Give me a break!_

"Where are the sticks, Nova?"

"What sticks?"

"The _drum_ sticks?"

"Daddy took them…"

I move to the bed and yank her blanket off, making her squeal and roll over to her stomach, her hands shoved beneath her pillow. I try to pull the pillow, but she's holding it in a death grip, screaming like a banshee.

"They're _mine_, mama! I'll never be in a band if you never let me practice. I wanna be in a band, mama!"

I'm snorting and laughing as we wrestle for those god-awful sticks, and holy fuck, is she freakishly strong.

"Nova! Let me have them!"

She's wiggling, turning, screaming, _laughing_, and I'm about to pee my pants from laughing so hard myself, but then Emmett's there, piling on top of us both, prying the sticks right out of Nova's hands.

Nova and I are breathing hard, looking up at Emmett standing before us. "I'm going to burn these," he says, and Nova jumps up in terror.

"Daddy, don't you dare!"

_Don't you dare?_

_Okay, Nova._

"I'm going to have Aunt Alice take them back," Emmett says, and he looks so damn serious and _tired_, I cover my mouth before the laugh that's bubbling up just pours right out.

It's not funny, it really isn't because sleep is _everything_, but Nova is such a fucking crazy little soul, how can we hold her back from her dreams?

"Daddy," Nova says, calmly. "I promise you I will not play them no more until you're awake. I pinky promise you." She holds up her little pinky, and Emmett looks down at me, and I see it, I see the way his eyes want to stay strong but one more look at her, and he cracks.

He holds out his big pinky and they hook them. "Next time, I'm going to use them as fire wood."

Nova nods, but I see the wicked look in those eyes of hers. Emmett takes the sticks with him when he leaves the room and Nova plops back down next to me.

"I want to learn the guitar."

"I'll get you a guitar if you get rid of Tiger."

"Mama!" She gasps and crawls from the bed, picking Tiger up from his own bed and cuddles him to her chest. "Tiger is my son. You can't get rid of him."

_Her son?_

_Gross!_

"I was kidding."

_Not really._

"It's okay, Tigey Wigey, mama was just kidding. You're so sweet, my wittle tigey."

_Fucking barf!_

I leave Nova to her cuddles with _Tigey Wigey _and go search for Emmett. He's not in bed but the shower's running, the lucky fucking asshole sneaking his way into the shower first so I have to deal with breakfast.

Pushing my way into the bathroom, I lean against the counter and stare at him until he notices me. His ass is on full display, and it's all nice and firm, and I kind of want to jump in there with him.

"Stop staring at me, sweetheart, or you'll find yourself full of my cock."

He grabs _said _cock in his big hand, and I leave the room to him chuckling.

"Nova, come eat breakfast," I call as I pass her door. "We're shopping today, remember?"

"I don't _want_ to go back to school," she yells, and dear lord, not this shit again.

Nova starts back to school on the 24th, and it feels like the summer went by so fast, not that I'm complaining or anything. Nova's been quite the handful this summer with all her demands and band practice and shit.

I had planned on having Alice join us, but I think we'll get a lot more done when I only have to wrangle Nova instead of Nova _and _Alice.

"You get to pick all your own clothes. Now come eat breakfast."

I hear her feet stomping down the hall behind me, and she climbs up onto a stool, looking all pissed off, her little arms all crossed, her blue eyes dark, and I'm kind of afraid of the little shit.

"School sucks. I can be smart without school."

_Mmmhmmm, right._

"What's 42 times 5?"

"That's easy," she yells, throwing up her hands. "29!"

"Nice try," I snort, spilling coffee grinds onto the floor. "School is the answer to life." I have no fucking idea what I'm saying, but it sounded right in my head.

"I'm going to get a teacher I don't like then she's going to make me do things I don't want to do and then I'll get in trouble when I don't do them. It's annoying, mama. So annoying!"

"Nova, you _have_ to do what the teacher says. You're there to learn not for funsy."

"I like _funsy_."

I grab a bowl and set it in front of her then grab the milk and cereal, making sure I pour the damn milk first so not to anger the beast then pour the cereal, watching as she chomps the hell out of it, letting milk drip down her chin like some kind of animal.

_What am I raising?_

_A barnyard animal, for sure._

By the time she's done, she has milk in her hair and all down the front of her shirt. I send her off to the shower and tell her to hurry her ass up. "Don't use so much conditioner, Nova," I call at her back.

"If I don't use all the conditioner, my hair is tangled."

"At least rinse it out right!"

"I always do!"

_Good God, she's nuts!_

I chug two mugs of coffee and four pieces of toast and jelly before Emmett shows his face. He's all clean and half naked in his gym shorts, and I'm all messy hair and half crazy.

"You're keeping Jack Jack right?"

Emmett pauses next to the coffee machine, pulling down a mug and pouring some before turning and leaning against the counter to face me. "Yeah, sweetheart. We'll have a boy's day."

"The shampoo is burning my eyes!" Nova screams from the bathroom.

"Shit, she's going to wake Jack," Emmett complains.

"Well he needs to be awake for the _boy's day_."

He grins and sips, knowing damn well he has it easy with lazy Jack sleeping most of the morning away.

"IT BURNS!" Nova yells.

I grin.

He glares.

"I'm going to go get ready."

"I'M BLIND!" Nova howls.

I snort-laugh and run down the hall to the bedroom and into the shower, leaving Emmett to deal with the sightless dramatic Nova.

"_No_, just put your head under the water and rinse your eyes!" Emmett yells.

Bangs on her door.

Jack Jack is awake by the time I get out, and Emmett's trying to comb Nova's hair while she says _ow ow ow_ with every pull of the comb.

I glance out the window, _not_ at Edward's house, because I don't care where he's at or what's he doing, but then I see him, and my heart drops to my stomach.

_He's back._

Just when I thought I got him out of my head, my fucking heart, he just waltzes back into town, ready to turn my world upside down again.

_You don't have to let him, asshole!_

I chug some water, pretending I'm not watching him when really he's so fucking hard not to watch.

I think his hair's a little longer, a little _messier_, and the stupid part of me wants to run my fingers through it and feel how soft it is.

_I hate myself._

"It hurts, daddy!"

"Be still, Nova."

Every time I think life can get back to normal – whatever normal even fucking means – Edward comes back into town, pulling at my damn heart strings, making me want to do things that are against all the rules of marriage, and I just hate myself for falling for it.

When his head turns and his eyes glance toward my house, I step back and shake my head, knowing what's important, knowing it's not him, but knowing I'm lying to myself even if just a little bit.

When Nova and I pile into the car, Edward's nowhere around, and I'm not even disappointed.

Not even a little bit.

_Not even at all._

~o~O~o~

Edward's back, and I just can't get over it.

I don't know why I'm fucking hung up on him. How fucking inconsiderate of me as I lay in bed with my sleeping _husband_ to think about Edward and how he's finally back after all these weeks.

I never admitted to being the smartest person in the world.

Emmett is sound asleep, snoring a bit like he does when he has too much to drink, and I'm just laying here twiddling my thumbs and biting my lip to thoughts of Edward.

As wrong as it is, I am so fucking drawn to him and his stunning green eyes and gorgeous face and the way he shoves his hands in his pockets like he's keeping them trapped, so he doesn't reach out and touch me.

_Just touch me, Edward! _

_No, not really._

_I mean, if you want to…_

_Oh shut up, you idiot!_

I want to say I haven't thought about him or that night so many weeks and weeks ago when I let him fuck the hell out of me, but that'd be one of the biggest lies I've ever told.

I still can't _stop _thinking about it and that's what's driving me crazy.

What woman who has no motive finds herself attracted to another man and then _sleeps_ with him? Usually with cheating there's some type of reason, but _no_ of course with me, I just _did _it.

I hate myself so fucking much, and in a second I'm going to hate myself even more because my heart is telling me to get out of this damn bed and see if Edward's garage light is on, to see if he's sitting out there all alone with that sex on wheels of a bike of his.

This heart of mine, she's nothing but a betraying piece of shit.

_Don't do it._

_For the love of God, just don't fucking do it._

Before I know it, I'm down the hall peeking through the window, and _dammit_ the light _is _on and Edward's out there messing with his bike. He's just all alone out there, just so damn alone in the middle of the night.

_Turn around, Bella. Just go back to your bed where you fucking belong._

My feet keep moving. It's like they have a mind of their own. My hands, too, since they're the bitches that pull the door open.

The clickity clack of Tiger's demon paws on the floor push me out the door even faster, and I click it shut before he escapes again. We're one in the same, that stupid fucking pussy and I, sneaking over to Edward's house like sneaky little…_rodents._

I walk barefoot through the grass, cross the street and about a hundred fucking boundaries and walk up the drive of Edward's house that leads to his wide-open garage where he sits there like a forbidden fruit waiting to be devoured.

_I've completely lost my fucking mind._

"Hey thief. You didn't come," I say to Edward's back about the long past barbeque, watching as it tenses before he looks over his shoulder, his eyes giving me a slow scan before he shakes his head.

_Put a fucking fork in me because I'm _done!

"I said I wouldn't, princess." The way his voice can sound rough and soft at the same time kind of makes my toes curl and my fucking stomach swirl.

_What if I wanted you to?_

_Huh!_

I walk a little closer, and he turns until he's facing me, his eyes downcast toward my feet until I'm standing directly in front of him.

_Fuck, this was such a bad idea._

"I'm supposed to stay away." He looks up at me from beneath thick lashes. "You're supposed to let me, princess." The back of his fingers reach out and rub my stomach over my shirt, and my legs are fucking shaking as I lift my hand and run it through his messy hair.

_Why, you ask me?_

_I don't fucking know!_

"I just want to talk, Edward. Nothing unsavory," I smile, and release his hair, watching as his lips lift into their own smile, killing me so _severely _with just one look I fear I'll never come back from this.

"What do you want to talk about?" His knuckles brush bare skin, and _holy fuck_, it feels like a zap of electricity goes through my entire body.

I hate that I'm here right now, that I'm letting him touch me so softly, that I both like and hate the way his touch makes me feel.

_Edward, you're killing me._

I want to ask him where he's been.

I want to ask him about Mae.

About _Emma. _

I want to know what happened to the precious baby girl that he grieves so sadly for.

_Tell me, Edward, don't make me ask._

"Princess…" He murmurs, fingers still grazing, making me feel like my entire body is on fire.

"Hmmm?" I look down, and he looks up, green boring into gray, and _don't look at me like that, Edward_ because I might like it and hate myself for it.

Two hands grip my hips, soft but tight, and I feel like I'm dying, like this isn't real, like I'm just dreaming and any minute I'll be back in my bed next to Emmett where I belong.

I shouldn't be here, across the street, letting this man hold me, _look_ at me like he wants nothing more than to make me his.

_I'm fucking taken, Edward, find someone else._

Except the thought of those emerald eyes on someone else makes me want to kick some ass which is fucking insane since he's nothing to me.

He's _nothing _to me.

_Nothing._

Then why do I feel like he could be _everything_?

~o~O~o~

…EC…

Her skin is so fucking soft.

He shouldn't be touching her. He said he'd stay away, and _fuck_ he's tried, but she walked her sexy ass and bare feet to him. She doesn't _want _to want him, but those gray eyes tell another story.

She's here because she feels it, too.

He wraps his arms around her waist, lifting her shirt the tiniest bit to kiss her flat stomach, his lips wanting to eat her fucking alive. The soft moan that leaves her own lips, makes him want to rip her fucking clothes off and slide her onto his hardening cock.

He doesn't want a fast fuck against a dirty door. He wants to strip her naked and taste every part of her body, feel every curve, and lick every inch. He wants to worship this filthy mouthed princess all night, for fucking ever.

Her husband sleeps across the street, their kids tucked into their beds, and he's the most horrible human being alive because he's so fucking selfish that he wants her anyway.

This, _them_, is a volcano waiting to erupt and when it does, the entire world is going to burn with them.

"You have to go, princess," he whispers, biting at the edge of her shorts, pulling them back before releasing them to snap at her stomach, the gasp from her lips and the flinch of her entire body making him ache so fucking bad, he wants to rip his cock out and _come._

"I said _talk_." She grips his shoulders and pushes him back, his hands falling away from her. She smiles and his heart feels like it's only beating for her, _because _of her.

_Who is this girl and how the fuck is she making me feel this shit?_

It's been two years since he's felt a fucking thing for any living soul, but Bella, she's the untouchable, the forbidden princess, the heart healer, the one who he needs so fucking badly, he'd do anything to have her.

Florida did nothing but make him want her more.

"I like your shirt," he says, grinning up at her, feeling like a bitch because his heart is pounding so fucking hard.

She rolls her eyes but plays along. "Yours is alright…a little dirty, though." She takes a step back, and he fucking hates it.

_Come back to me, princess, I want to feel you._

She's smiling, biting her lip, looking over her shoulder, and he stands from the chair, not being able to hide how much he wants her, and when she notices, her face flushes, and he groans into a fist.

_Fuck._

"I don't know why I'm fucking here," she says, trying to step back, trying to leave him.

"Stay," he rasps, swallows roughly, crosses his arms, fucking barely _breathes_. "Just _stay. _Talk to me, princess. Tell me anything."

_Don't fucking go._

She bites her lip and shuffles on her feet, indecisive, knowing her being here is the worst idea, but wanting to stay anyway.

_I want her to stay._

"I hate cats."

He nods and lets out a breath.

_Give and take._

"I don't know how to swim."

Her gray eyes widen, she steps closer, and his chest lightens. "What! How is that possible?"

He chuckles, and she smiles again. "I never learned."

"That's so fucking crazy," she laughs. "I love sleeping." She looks at me expectantly, bouncing a little on her bare feet, and _fuck_, she's so fucking cute.

"I hate sleeping."

"No," she gasps, laughs, shakes her head. "Sleep is _life._ My middle name is Marie."

"Mine's Anthony."

"I'm 28."

"I'm 32. I'm an only child."

She steps closer, and his chest feels so light he feels like he's fucking floating. "I have one sister. Heidi. She's crazy fucking smart. I don't talk to her as much as I should."

_Come closer._

"My dad's a doctor."

She smiles. "My dad's a cop."

"My mom is overbearing, but she's fucking awesome."

Another step closer.

"My mom is _underbearing_," she laughs. "She married a younger guy."

"Your dad's younger?"

She snorts. "My dad's not the guy. Phil is. Mom is fucking wild and this free spirit. Dad raised me."

She's inches from him again, and he lets his arms drop to his sides before shoving them into his pockets, so he doesn't ruin this moment by jerking her into his arms but when her eyes glance down at his hands, he wants to rethink his plans and _fuck_ her.

"I love motorcycles," he says, lifting his chin.

"No shit, really?"

_Fucking smartass._

"Kiss me," he suddenly tells her, more like fucking _dares_ her. He wants to feel those lips on on his again. _Just fuck everything else and fucking do it_. "Princess…" he pulls his hands free and grabs her hand. "One kiss and then you can go home but, just kiss me and tell me goodnight first."

Her eyes narrow, and she looks down at their hands. It feels like a fucking year before she gives him stormy rain clouds and rosy lips, and _fuck him_, she tastes better than he remembers.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

Edward's mouth whispers a story of heartbreak and sorrow, and my lips never want to get to the ending of such a sweet, sad song.

How stupid of me.

How irrevocably fucking _stupid _of me.

I don't stop him.

I don't fucking want to.

There's no more denying that there's something about him that drives me up the wall but at the same time he makes me want all the things I shouldn't but can't bear not to have.

"Princess," he breathes and buries his hands into my hair, yanking, pulling, gripping. "Go home."

I should, I really fucking _should_, but I don't.

I lean up on my toes and press my lips harder against his, and when he groans a tortured groan, I feel fucking blissful and heavenly, and I want nothing more than to have him take what he wants from me.

What we both want.

I can't tell you why I want it, but he makes me want the impossible, the _forbidden_, and I'm not capable of stopping him.

When his tongue touches mine, my knees buckle, and then I'm in his arms, and he's carrying me up the stairs and pushing the door open before slamming it shut and pushing my back against the wall.

"Princess…you have to stop me," he begs, _pleads._ "I can't stay away."

I kiss him harder and wrap my legs tighter, and he bites my lip and grinds his erection roughly against me. His lips leave mine and for one second my brain goes back to Emmett and him sleeping in our bed, and then Edward's yanking my shirt off and nipping and licking at my boobs, and I have no thoughts except of Edward, and the way he's making me feel in this very fucking moment.

He stumbles and staggers, moving us through the house, and I yank and pull until his shirt is over his head and thrown somewhere behind us. His skin is like silk beneath my fingers, and I want to slide down his body and see what the rest of him feels like.

He tosses me through the air, and I land on a plush mattress, then he's falling on top of me, knocking the breath from my lungs before his lips are on mine giving me all of his breaths.

"Princess…"

_Just fuck me, thief of hearts._

He _does_.

His lips are everywhere as his cock pounds into me, and I have no thoughts, no thoughts whatsoever as he fills me so fucking completely.

_How can he fill me so completely?_

My hands are in his hair as his hips move rhythmically against mine, and _this _time I knew it was going to happen the second my body slid from my bed, and so I give in to it, I don't fight it. I fucking want it more than I want my next breath.

_Don't ask me why._

_I couldn't tell you, anyway._

"Don't hate me, princess," he groans, slipping in, sliding out, gripping my hair so hard, I feel like he's going to rip it all out.

I scratch up his back and lift my hips, taking him deeper, taking him harder, and when he rolls us over so that I'm on top of him, I ride him rough but slow, savoring the feel of him inside me, _all _over me.

"I don't hate you, thief."

_I hate myself more._

I pant and lean down, taking his mouth with mine, sliding my tongue between his lips, tangling his with mine, kissing him like my life fucking depends on it.

_I'm _the life ruiner now.

This stranger with his broken heart and haunted eyes, he's slowly stealing my heart, and I'm letting him.

I'm fucking _letting _him.

_Fuck!_


	11. Chp 10: Gasoline

**Thanks to a bagel (aka iambeagle), I was able to get this chapter done.**

* * *

**~*Chapter**** Ten*~**  
_-Gasoline-_

...BB...

_Don't hate me, princess._

That's the problem, Edward!

I _don't _hate you.

I should, because that'd make my life easier. How dumb to hate someone that you crave, though. It was me that walked my ass across the street. _Twice._ I'm not stupid - okay, I mean I'm actually _stupid_ \- but somewhere deep down I knew what would happen when I went to him.

_Why didn't I just let him stay the fuck away?_

Not that he came to _me_. No, I just walked my happy ass across the street. In the middle of the night. While my husband snored his snores in our bed.

I'm utterly and hopelessly fucked in the ass.

_Figuratively. _

Emmett's driving, and we're taking the kids out for a last little _hoorah_ before school starts, and Jack and Nova are being unusually quiet which is kind of freaking me the fuck out.

"Sweetheart," Emmett says, and I internally cringe. _I'm no fucking sweetheart. _"We'll do breakfast at the diner?"

"Yeah. I'm starving, actually."

Emmett pats my leg, and I feel like I'm going to fucking puke. I don't know why I'm doing this to him. _Us._ You'd think I'd have a damn good reason for this fucktastic situation I've found myself in. The thing is...I _don't_, and that's just pathetic.

_I should just tell him. _

God, no!

How do you tell your husband, your _best friend, _that you fucked up for no good reason? That most days you feel happy even though you're going through the motions sometimes, and then something, _someone_, comes along and changes everything you ever thought possible? It's not like Edward came around and is offering some brand new fucking life for me. Regardless, I feel close to him, _connected,_ for whatever reason that I haven't quite figured out yet. I really, _really_ want to say I'll stay away from him, that it was just a _two_-off, but I honest to God don't think I can. There's something about him that's just pulling me in, giving me all these weird heart wrenching - _gut wrenching_ \- feelings, and I'm physically not able to stop myself.

But how do I just throw away everything I've built with Emmett? He is going to hate me, and I wouldn't fucking blame him, but what is this thing with Edward?

Attraction?

Lust?

_Love?_

Fuck me, not _love._ Not possible. You can't love someone you hardly know. That's just fucking stupid. But I feel something with Edward that goes beyond his gorgeous face and soulful eyes. I can't fucking explain it, and that just pisses me right the fuck off.

Emmett slows, and I glance at him, and my heart fucking hurts. He's so good. _So good._

What normal person just screws over a guy like him? No normal person _does_. It just doesn't happen, so why is it happening to me? This shit, it's going to shatter me. _Us_. Jack. Nova. God, I can't take it. I can't live this lie. It's killing me.

Edward has to go.

_Right?_

Right, you fucking asswipe!

_He's _the stranger. Not the husband who's the best daddy and just this perfect sexy everything. _He's _just some guy. A nobody.

I wonder how many times I'll tell myself this before I start believing it?

"I think I want pancakes with whippy cream," Nova says, interrupting my internal thoughts of fuckery.

Emmett chuckles and parks outside the diner. "Whip cream, No."

"Same thing, daddy." She unbuckles and pushes herself between the two front seats, glancing between the two of us. "I'm _hungry_," she says, like get a fucking move on.

Emmett gives me his _our daughter is a demanding little shit _wide eyes, and I laugh and jump down from the truck to get Jack Jack. Nova climbs between the seats and into Emmett's lap, and he drags her out with him.

"It's Mrs. Levitt!" Nova screams once we enter the diner, and Jack is wiggling his little body like some kind of wiggle worm in my arms like he thinks I'll put him down to crawl all over the floor.

Emmett looks over his shoulder when he _hears_ how frustrated I'm getting at his son, but when I have him under control, he continues to our final destination.

Which turns out to be hell.

Not only is Mrs. Levitt here, but Edward is sitting right there with her.

I smile, because if not, I'll cry.

Edward's eyes - _sigh_, those eyes - scan me, and I keep up with the smiling, doing it so hard my face fucking hurts.

"What's up, man?" Emmett says, and Edward slowly moves his eyes to my husband and lifts his chin - _sigh_, the chin lift - and is all, "How's it going?" in that rough, raspy voice.

_Sigh…_

Shut the fuck up, Bella!

Then his eyes are back on mine, and his lips lift into a grin. "Hi, Bella."

_Bella._

_Not _princess.

"Hey, Edward."

_Edward._

_Not _thief of hearts.

Jack Jack slaps me in the mouth and giggles himself silly, peeking at Edward, babbling, "hi hi hi hi," over and over again.

"Bella, dear, join us," Mrs. Levitt says, slowly sliding herself over in the half circle booth to make room for Nova who's crowding the fuck out of her. "We haven't placed our orders yet."

Emmett takes Jack and says, "Get in, sweetheart," meaning slide into the booth next to Edward.

"I'll sit by Nova."

"No," Nova says. "I want Daddy to sit by me. Scooch, Mrs. Levitt."

_Scooch?_

Damn you, Nova.

Emmett slides in next to Nova, but Jack whines, holding his hands out to me - at least somebody loves me - and I grab him and sit next to Edward. He _scooches _over a little, but not much. I mean, I guess if he scoots too much, he'll be in Mrs. Levitt's lap.

Edward pushes his leg against mine, and I swear he smells like dirty sex and heartbreak. I'm sure he showered, though, so really, I'm just projecting the smell because I'm a fucking idiot.

"I think I'm quitting school," Nova says, dumping a packet of sugar into what I'm assuming is poor Mrs. Levitt's coffee. "I'm already smart enough."

"Nova, that's not your coffee. Stop touching it!"

Mrs. Levitt waves me off, probably scared of Nova. "She can have it, dear. It's decaf. Nova, you can't quit school. They'll come arrest your parents."

Her eyes widen and she looks up at Emmett before sliding her eyes to me, slowly dropping her sugar packet onto the table. "Jail," she breathes, in what I hope is _horror_ and not wonder. "Where would I live? With you, Mrs. Levitt?"

"No one's going to jail, No," Emmett says. "But someone _is_ going to school."

"I hope I have a boy teacher."

"What! Why?"

_Edward's a _boy _teacher._

Plus, my third-grade teacher was a man, and I was scared shitless the entire year. He fucking slapped desks with yardsticks and freaked us all out by randomly breaking down crying over Vietnam. For a nine-year old, that's some traumatizing shit.

I still have nightmares.

Okay, not really.

Nova shrugs and licks sugar off her fingers. "I don't know. Maybe a boy teacher is better than a girl teacher."

_They are not, Nova!_

My eyes slide to Edward, and he's grinning down at his plate.

I slowly turn away and check Emmett out, but he's busy licking sugar off his fingers, too.

_Oh my god!_

"What can I get ya'll…"

The waitress saves us from Nova's brand of reasoning, and we all order our food. I'm totally hyper-aware of Edward sitting so close to me, and Emmett sitting across from me, his big feet touching mine, and how it's all making me highly uncomfortable.

"I want a pony," Nova says right out of left field, and I think _not._

"Don't you dare ask Aunt Alice," I say, pointing my finger at her, and Emmett's giving me _oh shit_ eyes and shaking his head.

Nova laughs like the wicked witch from the west, and yeah, fuck us, we'll have a pony by the time the sun rises.

Just kidding.

I think.

I'm blaming Edward for all of this.

The same Edward that's talking all soft and shit to Jack who is just eating that shit up. The same Edward that bumps me with his arm every now and again. The _same_ Edward that was inside of me _just_ last night.

On top of it all, Emmett's trying to play goddamn footsie under the table and with the added arm bumps from Edward, I feel like I'm starring in some kind of deranged porn scene.

Our food comes, and I share with Jack, trying to ignore the way my treacherous heart almost jumps right of my chest with every touch from Edward.

The push against my leg.

The elbow in my ribs.

The foot tap.

The eye fuck.

Like _seriously. _

After I've practically licked my plate clean, I stand and hand Jack over to Emmett. "I'm going to the restroom. Be right back."

I try not to look at Edward, but my betraying eyes _betray _me, and he's staring at me. I duck my head and walk through tables and chairs until I get to the back of the diner and down the hall to the bathroom.

I splash some water on my face and like an idiot totally ruin my mascara.

_Fuck._

When my shit is somewhat calm, I pull the bathroom door open and run smack dab in into a warm chest.

"Edward," I say without looking up for fear he scorches me with those laser beams.

"Hey, princess," he says, sliding his hands up my arms, and holy holy _holy_ fuck I am in a shitload of trouble..

"You should probably not be touching me," I say, turning my head to the side, eyes on the opening to the hallway.

"Why not?"

_Why not!_

"Because it's _wrong._ Because Emmett is literally out there with _our _kids. Because Mrs. Levitt…

"Well, don't bring Mrs. Levitt into this…" He chuckles, slides his hands higher, cups my elbows and leans down until his lips are _on_ my ear. "Do you still feel me inside you, princess?"

_Yes._

"No." I push away from him, wishing my face wasn't heated up like a fucking inferno. "You shouldn't be back here."

"But it's where the bathrooms are."

"Well then go to the bathroom!" I laugh humorlessly because he's so fucking stupidly _stupid_. "Are you trying to make us look suspicious because what the fuck?"

_Why is this all so titillating, Edward? Why are you titillating me! _

"Princess…" he grins and shakes his head. "You make it hard to stay away." _Oh please stop it. _"Why do you keep coming to me?"

"Hey!" I point my finger at him like he's a small child and not a gorgeous man who knows what the inside of my fucking vagina feels like. "I do _not _keep coming to you!" My finger is poking his chest, but then he grabs it, and I am trapped.

"You do, Bella." He smiles, and I _die._

_Am I dead?_

"This is wrong," I breathe, yanking on my finger.

He nods and pulls me closer. "It is, princess, but why do we keep running into each other? Don't you think that means something?"

No.

_Yes._

"Yeah, it means I have to get the fuck out of here," I say, and he lets me.

I hurry down the hall, stumbling on my own feet, not daring to look back at Edward even though I can hear him behind me.

_Way to make it look normal!_

"Oh no, dear…" Mrs. Levitt says when I get back to our table. I obviously missed something while I was off having a verbal tryst with Edward down the hall. "I will roast out in the sun all day."

Wait, _what_?

"You can go swimming with me!" Nova exclaims, nodding her head, holding her hands together in the prayer gesture, begging gesture more like it. "Edward can come, too." She looks over my head at _Edward_ then back to Mrs. Levitt like they're not one without the other.

"Yeah, man. Come hang out. It'll be hot as...heck," Emmett says, grinning at me before looking over my head to where Edward must be standing.

_Oh like you don't sense him just right there, standing behind you! _

Slowly, I turn my head around and up, trying to tell him with my eyes _don't you dare say yes_, and he looks down at me, green eyes crinkling, and my heart is a beat in my throat.

"I need to get Mrs. Levitt home," he says, pulling his eyes from mine to look at Emmett. "But, yeah, I'll go." He slides into the booth, and I'm just standing next to the table like a fucking doofus, so I slide in next to him.

_He's so stupid._

Stupidly _beautiful. _

"Alright, cool." Emmett - ever the nicest soul on the fucking planet - says, letting Jack crawl across the table like a damn animal until he's in my lap.

"But I want Mrs. Levitt to come," Nova argues, hugging Mrs. Levitt's arm.

"You come see me later. We'll have us a visit."

She perks up. "Can I bring Tiger?"

"Of course, dear. Tabby would love that."

_Tabby is a psychotic bitch._

"Well this is going to be awesome. I just know it," I lie, laugh, so I don't boohoo, and nuzzle Jack's head with my lips.

_Are you stupid, Bella?_

Mmmhmmm.

Edward chuckles, and I slide _only _my eyes to him and give him the stare of death. He covers his mouth, coughing to hide his _mirth_ and looks away, but his eyes, they're lit the fuck up.

I don't _hate_ him.

I _something _him.

I just don't know what that _something_ is yet, the sneaky motherfucker.

~o~O~o~

First, we go home so Mrs. Levitt can be dropped off. Then Nova has to pee, so then I have to pee and then Jack needs a diaper change.

Jack and Nova watch some TV, and I just stand in the middle of the house like a lost soul trying to figure out what exactly the fuck is going on and how the fuck I'm going to get out of it.

Edward went home to change. Change into what? Is he going to wear a speedo? Surely not. Trunks? No shirt?

_Stop caring!_

Emmett meets us inside, grabbing more water and whatnot, and it's like I"m having this out of body experience.

Maybe I _did_ die back at the diner.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Emmett asks, pulling my stiff body into his arms.

_Oh nothing, except for the fact that you invited the man who fucks your wife to go to the water park!_

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Just fine. What's wrong with _you_?"

He laughs, _laughs_, and what's so funny, Em?

"Do you need a quick fuck? Maybe that'll calm you down." He wiggles his eyebrows, grinning like a sexy idiot.

_Oh my God._

"Maybe that's exactly what I _don't _need. Sex isn't always the answer, Em."

_What!_

Did I seriously just Dr. Phil his ass?

He laughs real hard, and I guess it could have been taken as a joke.

_I guess._

"Shit, sweetheart, just relax."

I nod and let him kiss me because that's what wives do, let their husbands soothe their crazy as fuck nerves, but then there's a knock on the door and I jump away from Emmett like I'm doing something wrong.

I'm not, though.

Except the look on Tiger's bitch-ass face says otherwise. Like he knows what I've been up to or something. I stick my tongue out at him, and he hisses, making me jump back and knock my head on the cabinet.

_Fucker._

I check on Bear and give him a little love then face the music and all that jazz.

Jack's climbing Edward's legs, and Nova's on Emmett's back and aren't we just your jolly ole Big Love except _not._

_Breathe, Bella, you giant head case._

Emmett leads the way out, and I stop next to Edward and grab Jack. When I stand from my bending position, Edward's staring down at me. "Princess," he says quietly and that's it.

Just _princess._

Like slinging that cute endearment _princess_ around is going to make me feel better Well, you know what, thief? It does not. Oh no, it doesn't. _No._

Even so, my lips smile and every part of me enjoys the way his lips stretch into that sexy grin before I do the smart thing and follow Emmett out.

If it is to be believed, and trust me, it is not, Edward rides _with _us to the water park.

I kind of wasn't expecting that. I actually thought he'd hop on the bike all bad boy beach babe and trail us, but in reality that'd be weird since there's no beach and he's wearing old converse and no socks.

_Okay, actually, that'd be kind of hot._

"Sweetheart, hop in the back," Emmett tells me like I'm some peasant.

_Hop in the back._

How bout chu hop in the back, Em?

_Okay, that was gross._

I _hop_ in back and let Edward have my seat, and he adjusts it, hitting me in the knees. He looks over his shoulder and murmurs, "Sorry," then snakes a hand between the door and squeezes my leg.

_Holy mother._

Emmett doesn't notice the leg squeeze or else I think he'd say something.

Like _get your hands off my wife_ or something like that.

I let Jack Jack pull the fuck out of my hair and watch Nova as she keeps herself entertained by playing thumb war. She's yet to win which is fuck-all crazy since she's literally _both _thumbs.

The sounds of Emmett and Edward's voices in front sound far off, like they're on a totally different dimension than us pod people in the back, and Edward is quite the calm cucumber shootin' the shit with the man whose wife he's fucking.

_Why are you here, Edward?_

"Mamamamama," Jack babbles between hair yanks and face slaps.

"Are we there yet?" Nova asks, biting her lip and wrestling her thumbs, twisting and turning her body like a soft pretzel.

I feel like I'm the star of some kind of crazy nightmare.

That I'm never going to wake up from.

_Ever._


	12. Chp 11: Gone Crazy

**Hello. I won't be consistent in posting, but here's a chapter. My plans for this story keeping changing in my head, so...I'm not sure what I'm doing. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**~*Chapter Eleven*~  
**_-Gone Crazy-_

...EC...

Bella grabs Jack who's crawling at his feet, and when she straightens, he wants to fucking grab her and kiss the hell out of her. She's crazy beautiful and fucking nuts, and he wants nothing more than to just claim her, _steal_ her for himself.

She stares up at him, her big eyes wide.

"Princess…" he whispers, not knowing what to say but wanting to say so fucking much.

_Why do I want you so fucking bad?_

_Why are you so fucking beautiful?_

_Why does my heart not feel so fucking broken when you're with me?_

When he doesn't speak, she hefts Jack higher in her arms and blinds him with her smile, and when his own lips lift into a smile, he can feel his heart trying to pound out of his fucking chest.

He's the biggest dick on the planet, but he can't stop wanting her. He feels like he needs her to be whole again. He's sick and fucking tired of feeling empty inside. He needs Bella to fill him up.

Bella pushes out the door, and he follows her, stuffing his hands into his swim trunk pockets, so he doesn't do something stupid in front of Emmett.

And Emmett, _fuck._

He feels like shit about all this, but he can't help himself.

"Hop in the back, sweetheart," Emmett says, and Edward's hackles rise at the endearment.

_Fuck_, he has no right to want to rip Emmett's head off, but it doesn't stop the burn in his gut that Emmett has what he wants.

Bella stiffens in front of him before doing what Emmett asks.

He's a fucking idiot for getting into this truck, but it doesn't stop him. He slides the seat back, hitting Bella's legs and having no control over his own fucking body, he meets grey eyes and mumbles "Sorry" before slipping a hand between the door and seat and squeezing her bare knee. Her eyes flash, and he feels like he's dying.

He wants her so fucking bad.

He doesn't just want to slide inside her and fuck her for a lifetime, he wants to spill his heartbreak into her arms and demand she heal him, order her to leave Emmett, command that she give him everything he's ever needed.

Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and tries to follow the conversation with Emmett, but Bella's voice is a distraction at the same time Jack's mumbles soothe something inside him, but it's Nova's wildness, the complete opposite of Emma's sweetness, that makes him feel like he can't fucking breathe.

It's not fucking fair that Emma's not here, that he can't take her to breakfast and waterparks, that he can't hold her and love her like the good dad he was before he let Mae fucking ruin _everything._

"Are we there yet?" Nova asks, and Edward glances back at her, her crazy innocent grin wedging itself deep into his broken heart.

"Almost," Emmett says as he faces forward again.

He just barely stops himself from reaching back to touch Bella again.

_Just_ _barely. _

When they make it to the park, he feels so fucking out of place and stupid. He's a third wheel to this family, and he had no business agreeing to this fuckery.

Bella walks between him and Emmett, Jack resting in one of those front carriers on her chest. Nova's on Emmett's shoulders, squealing and screaming in excitement, and Edward wants to catch a fucking cab and go home.

_What was I fucking thinking?_

Bella nudges him with her arm, on accident or on purpose, he doesn't know, but he inches impossibly closer to her, not liking one fucking bit that he has to share her with her husband.

_How fucking stupid was I to get involved with a married woman?_

Emmett, the stupid fucking asshole, pays for his ticket, making him feel even more like shit, and he follows behind Bella, trying to keep his eyes off her ass, as she leads them through the park.

He's fucked.

Totally fucking fucked.

~o~O~o~

...BB…

Nova drags Emmett to _more_ water and slides, leaving me all alone with Edward. Well except for Jack Jack who's asleep on my chest, drooling all down my boobs.

Edward's across from me, a table between us, with no shirt on, looking all wet, shiny and nefarious.

"What?" He asks, leaning his elbow on the table, bringing himself a smidge closer to me. "Are you mad at me?"

_Mad at him?_

"I wouldn't say _mad._ It's just a little unusual to spend the day with my husband and the man…" I wave my hand carelessly. "...the man..._well _you know!"

He nods, moves his eyes to sleeping Jack Jack before lifting them back to my face. "I never took Emma to a water park," he says, his eyes furrowed as he stares at my face, like he didn't mean to say such a thing.

_Oh my god!_

I swallow and nod for him to go on, but he doesn't, just looks away, and I want to demand he fucking continue.

_Tell me everything, Edward!_

I nudge his foot beneath the table, and his tortured green eyes find mine again. I don't say anything, because what can I say right now.

He stands from his chair and grips the edges, pulling it to my side of the table, and I no longer have a barrier between us. He's _right _next to me, making us look like we're a couple hanging at the water park when we're _not._

"I don't know why I can't stay away from you," he says, crossing his arms over his bare chest, his eyes straight ahead, and I want to kiss the pulse in his neck.

_Stupid, Bella!_

I don't say anything, mostly because I haven't a clue what the fuck to say.

_I can't stay away from you either._

_Why can't I, Edward?_

_What's so special about you?_

_Why am I trying to ruin my marriage by letting you slip inside me?_

Clearing my throat, I kiss the crown of Jack's head, searching for anything to say, hoping Emmett stays away long enough for me to say them or for me to peel the layers of sadness from Edward's heart.

"Tell me about her," I finally say, glancing at his profile, begging him with my eyes just to spill.

He bites his lip, his green eyes trailing all over my face, making me feel things I shouldn't. He sucks in a breath and moves his eyes to Jack Jack. "She was...perfect," he says, swallowing roughly, and my heart is in my throat.

"I'm sure she was," I say, encouraging him to go on, wanting to know _everything _about this man, but not knowing _why._

His lips just barely lift before he continues to shatter my heart, my _soul. _"She loved dragonflies, _dragons…_" he chuckles and it ruins me. "Every night, I'd tell her stories, but the dragon had to be nice. Never could he spit fire…"

Without giving it permission, my hand finds its way to his arm, stroking the skin there softly, _soothingly_, and at this very moment, Emmett doesn't matter. Edward is baring his heart and soul, and I am sucking it all in.

I _want_ it.

He licks his lips, and stares into my eyes as he crushes me. "She loved ice cream and sprinkles...except she called them _spwinkles._..fuck, she _loved_ me, princess, and I left her even when she begged me to take her with me, I left her and she fucking _died._"

I can't swallow, it's physically _impossible, _but he continues to wreck me. "Mae did it…" he shakes his head, angrily. "She left her in the car, _forgot _my daughter was in the back seat. She sat in the hot car for nine fucking hours, slowly _dying_, princess. What kind of mom does that?"

His eyes are liquid filled, and my heart is pounding so hard. I'm not the best mom there ever was, but Mae, she is so fucking _stupid_ and neglectful, and I want to kill her.

"Edward…" I breathe, speechless and lost. What do I say? What _can _anyone say that wouldn't sound so fucking stupid.

"I loved her, too," he interrupts me, his voice quietly broken. "She was _everything _to me, and I let her down."

Jack Jack stirs in my arms, lifts his head, and stares up at me with sleepy eyes before plopping his head back down and snuggling deeper into my chest.

I couldn't imagine what Edward's going through.

Edward's knee bumps mine. "You make it easier, princess, so much fucking easier. That's why I can't stay away. When I'm with you, I don't feel so broken."

What the _fuck_, Edward?

_Why would you tell me that?_

I glance at him to find him watching me, and I want to _kiss _him, fucking _slap _the hell out of him for making me feel so conflicted and needy for a piece of him.

I lick my lips, and Edward's eyes follow the motion, and I feel like the shittiest person on the planet because I want him to kiss me. Just fuck _everything _and kiss the hell out of me.

Edward's eyes shift to the side, away from me, and he says, "Your husband is coming," and my hand feels like it weighs a fucking ton when I remove it from his arm.

Edward doesn't move away from me, and I can feel the heat from his body even when Emmett's big hands land on my shoulder, even when he leans down to whisper in my ear. "Sweetheart, Nova's a fucking handful."

Emmett kisses the top of my head, Edward stiffens beside me, and Nova begs for frozen yogurt, and I wish for this fucking day to be over, but I stand and pull Jack Jack from my chest and pass him to Emmett. Pulling the carrier over my head, I toss it on the table.

"Let's go, No. I'll get you frozen yogurt."

"I'll take some, sweetheart," Emmett says, taking my seat.

Edward meets my eyes and nods, an answer to my unspoken question. He discreetly shifts his chair away from a distracted Emmett, and I want to laugh at the fuckery of it all.

Nova grabs my hand and pulls me away, and I'd let her take me to hell and back just to rid the feeling of Edward's eyes on my heated flesh, his touch on my conflicted heart.

I've fucking ruined everything, and I don't think I have any intention of stopping it.

I don't know if I _can._

~o~O~o~

It's the middle of the night when Emmett gets a call about a wildfire six hours away. His crew has to head out, and I'm finding it hard to let him go. His big arms squeeze me and his lips kiss the crown of my head.

"Be careful," I say, rubbing my hands up and down his back.

"It'll be all good, sweetheart."

I look up into his sleepy blue eyes, and he kisses my lips once, _twice, _before pulling away. I walk with him down the hall and to the door. "Call me when you get there."

"I will. I feel bad leaving you. Don't let Nova fuck your shit up…" he chuckles, and I shove his big body out the door. "Love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too, baby."

He puckers his lips and blows me a kiss before hopping into his truck and driving away. My heart fucking hurts.

My betraying eyes find Edward's dark house before I close the door and lock myself inside. I wish the door locked from the outside, so I had no way to get out of this fucking house.

My husband is off to save innocent lives, and my thoughts are of the man next door and how I can stop myself from seeking him out. My only saving grace is that school starts in two days, and he'll be off educating young minds while I'm home taking care of Jack Jack and Mrs. Levitt.

I check on the Nova and Jack before crawling back into bed, part of me worried about Emmett and the other sick _demented _part of me wondering how Edward is and when I'll see him again.

I loathe myself more than I care to fucking admit.

The next morning, Emmett calls to say they made it but has no timeline of how long he'll be gone. Half the forest has burnt to shit already and families are evacuating before the fire makes it into the heart of the city.

Nova asks for her daddy immediately, and she's pissed when I tell her he had to leave.

"Now who's going to make my cereal?"

_Oh my god._

"I can make your cereal, Nova."

"It won't be the same…" she picks up Tiger and kisses his head, and I still don't understand how Emmett and I created this little human. "I guess you can make it."

I roll my eyes and pour her a bowl of milk before adding the frosted flakes. I'll never get over how she thinks this is normal.

Nova slurps and crunches her cereal in front of the T.V., and I sip my coffee and bite into my toast, my eyes finding their way to the window, to _Edward's_ house. The garage is still closed, so he must still be asleep, and why do I care you ask me?

I don't _fucking _know, but I'm sure there's a place for people like me in hell.

"I want to be homeschooled," Nova says over her cartoons.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. School's overrated."

_What!_

"Nova, school's _school_ and that's where you'll be going tomorrow."

She huffs, and I head down the hall to check on Jack Jack. He's still snoring, and I envy the little guy.

Though I hate it with my entire being, I throw in a load of laundry because I mean it _does_ have to get done sometime. Bear raises his head and looks at me with droopy eyes, and I grab him up into my arms and snuggle his soft, wrinkly body.

There's a knock on the door, and Nova yells for me even though I'm only a few feet away. "I got it, No."

She holds her hands out for _beary weary_, and I hand him over before pulling the door open.

"Why did you knock?" I ask Alice as she pushes her way inside.

"The door was locked…" she looks at me like I'm stupid or something.

"Where's your key?"

"I left it at home. Em called me, said he had to leave town. I came to rescue Nova," she smirks at my appalled face, and Nova screams and jumps onto the couch, leaving Bear to fend for himself.

"Where are we going?" Nova asks.

"Well…" Alice says, dramatically. "Since I couldn't make the waterpark, I'm taking you out on a date before we both have to go back to school tomorrow."

"I hate school," Nova mumbles, and Alice laughs and mumbles the same thing.

"Alice!"

"I'm _kidding_," she says. "School is amazing, Nova. You'll have fun."

"Where are you taking me on our date," Nova asks, climbing onto the back of the couch and jumping into Alice's arms. "Somewhere _fun?_

"Why _of course_ somewhere _fun_!"

"Where?" Nova grabs Alice's cheeks and squeezes, and I hope to God I'm not invited.

"We're going roller skating," Alice says through squished cheeks, and Nova's eyes widen excitedly.

She wiggles her way out of Alice's arms, and screams her way down the hall, and I will strangle her if she wakes Jack Jack.

Okay, I won't actually strangle her, but I'll be pissed.

"You want to come?" Alice asks.

"Fuck no," I say, and she snorts and we both laugh before heading to the kitchen where Alice helps herself to some coffee and the other half of my toast.

"I can't take Jack Jack," she says.

"Yeah, I got that…"

Alice's eyes move to the hall before she leans in and whispers, "Mom is meeting us there. Do _not_ tell Nova. She called me last night, saying she wanted to spend the day with Nova before she heads back to school, and you fucking owe me because I got you out of this back to school roller blading date from hell!"

"Oh my god," I whisper, trying not to smile. "Nova is going to fucking skin you alive."

She nods solemnly, and I so want to be there to witness this shit. "She's going to be pissed."

I laugh and grab the rest of the toast in her hand and shove it in my mouth, ignoring her squawk of outrage. "It was mine!"

"I'll get us donuts on the way," she says, draining her coffee. "Nova! You ready?"

"I'm coming!"

Nova comes down the hall, dressed but with her hair a mess.

"Are you going to…" Alice gestures to her own hair. "...comb that?"

"No…"

"Yes, you are, _No._ Go get the brush."

I swear steam is coming out of her ears. She runs down the hall and comes back with a brush and hair tie, and I hurriedly pull her hair up, ignoring her cries of protest.

"You ready, spaghetti?"

"Yeah, meatball," Nova says.

I have no fucking idea what's going on right now, but my day just got a little easier. With Nova occupied for most of the day, I can get laundry - _barf_ \- done and clean the house, I guess. Not my ideal kind of day, but…

"We're out of here," Alice says. "Give Jack a smooch from me."

"Have fun," I say, and Alice cringes. "Be good, Nova."

"I'm always good, mama."

I follow them to the door and watch them drive away, praying for Alice's soul.

Edward's door across the street opens just as I'm about to close my own, and his eyes meet mine, his lips stretching into a smile, his chin lifting in that damn sexy way I've grown obsessed with.

_Close the door, Bella._

The door stays open.

_Don't wave, Bella._

Of its own accord, my hand lifts in the air and my smile hurts my face. "Where you headed?" I call like a damn idiot.

He shuts his door and saunters to my side of the street, and my heart pounds so hard my chest hurts.

_Don't come over here._

"Hey, princess," he says, his eyes scanning my face.

"Hey, thief."

He grins, and I fucking die a little on the inside. "I'm going shopping."

"Shopping?"

"Yeah," he says, his eyes dropping to my chest before moving back to my face. "School starts tomorrow. I need _teacher_ clothes. I think it's too late for the big belly and balding head, but…"

"Shut up," I snort, shoving him in the stomach. He grabs my hand, his big fingers tangling with mine. Fuck, this is so wrong. "Do you want to come?"

_What!_

I laugh nervously, my brain telling me to yank my hand from his, but my body doesn't want to cooperate, so the hand holding is a real thing happening right now. "Nova left with Alice, but Jack Jack…"

"Jack Jack can come," he says, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.

_Fuck, he's killing me._

"We can't…"

He nods, steps closer, and I feel like my ass is fucking sweating with the nerves I'm feeling.

"Emmett left town," I say _stupidly._

Edward's brows raise, and I want to kill myself right here, right now.

"Yeah?"

"I mean…"

His smile is small, but his eyes are burning. "What, princess? What do you mean?"

Jack Jack calls my name, and I love him for saving my ass right now. "I have to get Jack…"

"Bella," Edward says, slowly releasing my hand. "I want to see you."

"You're seeing me," I say, backing up.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Smartass. Tonight."

"We shouldn't…"

He shakes his head.

"Mamamamamama…."

"I have to go. Have fun shopping."

Edward smiles and walks backward. "I'll see you later, princess."

I close the door on his pretty face and hate myself for hoping that _I'll see you later, princess _is a literal thing.

_Fuck, _Emmett deserves so much better.


	13. Chp 12: Lust for Kicks

**I don't know what to say anymore. Enjoy?**

* * *

**~*Chapter Twelve*~  
**_-Lust for Kicks-_

...BB...

It's a real chore getting Nova to bed tonight. She misses Emmett, and she doesn't want to go to school, and she's _hungry_. Even though Alice said she ate herself sick before throwing up on Mary's suede shoes.

Fuck, why does that make me laugh.

"It's late, No. You have to be up early tomorrow."

"I'm not going."

_Here we go._

"Don't start…"

"I wanted a _boy_ teacher!"

_Are you kidding me!_

Alice made the mistake of telling her who her new teacher was. Normally, we would meet teachers before school starts but with some renovations they're doing to the building, they had to reschedule meet and greet until after school started.

"Nova, there aren't even any boy teachers teaching your grade."

"My teacher's _old._"

"I'm sure Mrs. Hannigan's a nice lady…"

"She probably smells like turtle poop."

For the love of…

"Turtle poop? How in the world do you even know what turtle poop smells like?"

She shrugs and pets Tiger's head all lovingly. Tiger purrs like a crazy fuck, and I rub a hand down my face, wishing Emmett was here to deal with our lovely daughter.

I kiss the top of her head, just barely missing the swipe of Tiger's claw.

_What a bitch._

"Night, Nova. Love you. Sleep tight…"

She grunts and mumbles she loves me too, and when I'm closing the door I hear her whispering to Tiger her grand plan of faking sick tomorrow.

What an amateur!

I peek in on Jack Jack before grabbing a snack and plopping down onto the couch. I browse through Netflix, not giving a shit about what I'm seeing, stuffing my face with popcorn and m&ms.

The tick of the clock is like a bomb waiting to go off, and I feel like I'm legit going fucking nuts.

Is Edward going to _see me later_?

Does he expect me to traipse my ass across the street again?

Do I even want to see him?

_Fuck, I really do._

Four episodes of _Friends_ later, I'm peeking out the front window into Edward's yard. His house is lit up.

Why does that piss me off?

I should be happy that he's not knocking on my door. That's he's not blessing me with those emerald eyes. That he's not lifting that chin and stretching those lips into a smile that haunts my every waking _and _sleepin_g _moment.

God, what an asshole!

I move away from the window and drain an entire bottle of water, swishing the last gulp around in my mouth to rid my teeth of popcorn crummies.

When I finally decide I wait for no man, there's a quiet knock on my front door, and my stomach does a fucking back flip off the high dive.

I feel a mixture of elation and sweet holy fucking terror.

Am I letting another man into the house I share with my husband?

_How could I?_

Wiping my sweaty hands on my shorts, I shuffle to the door and pull it open.

"Hey thief," I say, not being able to help the smile that skirts across my lips.

"Princess…" he smirks, and I cannot fucking breathe. "It's later."

_It's later._

_Later!_

I allow him to step inside _\- I can never come back from this - _and I close the door.

_What am I doing!_

"How was shopping?"

_Do you really care, you idiot!_

"I found what I needed."

His hand lifts, and I stop breathing when he uses a finger to trace the swell of my boob. His eyes are on my lips, and I feel like a thousand pieces of shit when I don't stop him from touching me.

"These are nice, princess," he murmurs roughly, his darkening eyes scanning my face. He licks his lips, and I want him to lick _my _lips.

"Thank you…"

He chuckles and dips a finger between my cleavage.

_This is so fucking wrong. _

He stretches my shirt as he uses that finger to pull me toward him and when white cotton is fisted in his big hand, and his head is descending, I lift up on my toes and meet him halfway, knowing I'm well and truly fucked.

He smiles before his lips touch mine, and I moan when his tongue meets my own. I grip his waist with greedy _selfish_ \- _so fucking selfish_ \- hands and slide my fingers along bare skin.

_God, his skin is so fucking soft._

Thoughts of Emmett flash through my head, but like the _completely_ selfish cow I am, I ignore them, letting the taste of forbiddenness and heartbreak dance on my tongue.

Edward's hands move to my hair, yanking my hair back, kissing me deeper, making me so fucking dizzy with something I should never _ever_ want.

He bites my lip before pulling back to stare down at me, his eyes half lidded, his lips wet.

~o~O~o~

...EC…

Edward stares into the liquid gray eyes of Bella, and he's trying so fucking hard to restrain himself. He wants her, but he wants more than just a quick fuck against the wall.

He wants to hear her laugh.

Fucking _snort._

_Fuck_, she's so goddamn _crazy_ beautiful.

"What…"

He shakes his head, pulling her closer, wanting nothing more than to crawl inside her and get lost.

Even though it makes him a dick, he's fucking glad Emmett's out of town. Sharing Bella with her husband is fucked up and stupid, but he's too fucking crazy about her to give a fuck right now.

"You wanted me here," he says, rubbing his thumbs along her throat. "What are you going to do with me?"

She swallows, eyes narrowing. "I didn't…"

"Princess," he chuckles, leaning down to run his tongue up the side of her neck, groaning when she wraps her arms tighter around his waist. "I'm kidding. Do you want to talk?" He bites her ear, and he smiles when he feels her shaking against him. He lets his hands trail down her arms and wrap around them around her waist. "What do you want?"

"Talk about what?" She asks, tilting her head, giving him more room to suck on her pretty skin.

He bites her jaw before saying, "I don't know…"

"We can talk later…"

He smirks against her jaw and shakes his head, slipping a hand down the back of her little shorts to palm her ass.

"You know this is going to end badly," Bella says quietly, breathlessly.

_Fuck yeah, I know it is, but I can't stop it._

"Do you want me to stop?"

The shake of her head is all the acceptance he needs before he gives her a rough bite on her cheek and turns her around, one hand sliding down her stomach to slip inside her shorts, the other wrapping lightly around her neck. "These shorts are nice," he rasps, feeling warm wetness coating his fingers.

"Edward…"

"Yeah, princess?"

"What the fuck are you doing?"

_God, her mouth._

"Tell me to stop," he says even though he'd rather cut of his own dick than stop anything about this.

"We should…" she gasps when he slides a finger inside her. "...Fuck, I don't want to."

He lazily slips in and out and tilts her head back, kissing her cheek roughly. "I'll stop, princess."

"No! Just..._don't _stop."

_Fuck._

He adds another finger, she licks her lips, and fuck, she feels so fucking right.

~o~O~o~

...BB…

_Why am I such a piece of shit?_

His touch is so different.

_Not wrong_.

But is it right?

He strokes me and licks my face, and I feel like I'm burning the fuck up. I keep trying to consider Emmett, try bringing up the guilt I should be feeling right now, but Edward's hands on me, his fingers _in _me are the only thing I can focus on.

He smells like delicious heartbreak, and I want nothing more than to let him use me, to make him feel whole again.

_Am I fucking stupid?_

_Yes!_

"Quit thinking," Edward rasps roughly. "Be with me."

This feels different, more _intimate_, and I don't know if my heart can take it.

I relax my body and let him play with me, let him fucking _ruin_ me, and when I'm right on that edge, he pulls away, turns me around and makes me watch as he slides those wet fingers into his mouth. His eyes close, and my knees go weak.

"You're such a fucking thief," I say, voice shaky and watch as he lazily opens his eyes, a small smile lifting those stupid lips.

And I don't mean a hairless cat thief.

He's a wife stealer, a fucking heart pilferer, the robber of goddamn souls.

I should _hate _him.

_God, _why _don't_ I hate him!

"I'm sorry," he says, his tongue swiping his bottom lip.

I pull away and rub my hands down my face roughly. I should make him leave, tell him to never touch me again, _look_ at me again. Who even _is _he to wreak such havoc on my emotions!

I feel like screaming, but then big hands are in my hair, pulling me into a hard chest, and I'm deep breathing into my own hands, trying so hard not to just say _fuck it_ and climb him like a tree.

_Think of Emmett, Bella._

_Emmett._

_Emmett!_

Edward's shirt smells like lies and deceit, and I know that scent is coming from me. _God, I can't fucking take it._ I lower my hands and grip his waist, burrowing my face into his shirt, deep breathing, _just_ breathing. Edward doesn't let go of my hair, holds me to him, _helps _me but makes me feel insane at the same time.

"Princess…" he murmurs softly.

"You have to go," I say, but my hands hold on tighter.

"Okay."

He doesn't move. I don't want to move. We all don't fucking move.

"How tall are you?" I ask, like an ignoramus asshole.

"Six two."

His hands start to softly massage my scalp, and I feel myself relaxing deeper into his body.

"Why a teacher?"

"What?"

I turn my face and rest my cheek against his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his ruined heart.

"Why did you want to be a teacher?"

I feel him shrug, but don't move to look up at his face. I just let him hold me in the middle of the living room while I ask him questions that I'm not even sure I care to hear the answers to.

_Except I do._

"I don't know," he says. "Teachers are like saviors. Everyone could use a savior."

"Could you?"

_Shut up!_

He pulls my hair gently until I'm looking up and he's looking down. His lidded eyes search my face, and I roll my lips, waiting for him to answer.

"I could…"

We stare at each other, my heart trying to rip in two, so I can give Edward half of it, but that's not how this fucking works. My heart already belongs to someone else.

_Don't you fucking do it, heart! _

"I'm hungry," I whisper, changing the subject, the entire fucking _mood._

He shakes his head with a small smile. "Me too."

"You want toast?"

_Yeah, I'm obsessed with toast, so fucking what._

"Yeah…" he starts to say, but the blood curdling scream that leaves my mouth as something soft and bald rubs against my leg cuts him off.

I jump and knock my head against his face, ignoring his _holy fuck_ as I hop around to get Tiger the absolute fuck away from me. He sits on his haunches and hisses up at me as I move to the side and behind Edward. I don't know what it is about the demon bitch, but he does not _like _me. Maybe he feels my hatred for him. Maybe I should be a little nicer to him, give him a cuddle..._oh God, _I could never!

Tiger and I, we go into a stare down until I'm left no choice but to flip him off. "Get Tiger! Go to bed!" The lean, mean predator from hell turns on his heel and _saunters_ away with his tail in the air.

_Fucking snooty bitch. _

I slowly move in front of Edward, watching until Tiger's out of sight. "God, I'm going to kill that thing in his sleep. He's always sneaking up on me. I think there's a demon in him…"

"Princess," Edward mumbles, cutting me off. "I think you broke my fucking nose."

"What!" I look up, and Edward's holding his nose, blood all over his fingers. "Oh my God, are you okay?"

He gives me an incredulous look, and I cringe before dragging him into the kitchen. "Sit." I push him onto a stool and grab a handful of paper towels, shoving them into his empty hand before grabbing some more and wetting them.

"How could this even happen?" I ask, standing between his legs, watching as he cleans his nose. When he's only making it worse, I take the paper towels from him and do it myself. He flinches, and I say, "Shit, sorry." When the bleeding stops, I toss the napkins into the trash and grab the wet ones, wiping blood from his nose, his lips, his cheeks, his fucking chin.

He sits silently, his eyes all assessing and _sweet_, and _stop looking at me like that!_

I push on the bridge of his nose, and he winces. "Do you think it's broken, really? I'm sorry. It's just Tiger, he scares the living shit out of me. It's kind of swelling already."

"It's fine, Bella," he says, sniffing.

"No really? Do you need a doctor?"

He chuckles, _winces_ again, and then pulls the wet bloody napkins out of my hands and tosses them into the trash. "I'm good, princess."

"One time, when I was little, I was playing with my cousins and they had this horse trailer...they had horses, which is fucking weird because they don't even _ride _horses. But we were climbing all over that thing and I didn't know my cousin had opened one side of the door, and I opened the other side and the entire door fell _on top_ of me...I had a gash on my head, my nose was broken, two black eyes…"

I trail off and find Edward staring at me intently, waiting for me to go on with my story which is actually a dumb story. I don't know why I'm even _telling _it.

I shrug and smile at his beautiful fucking face even with a swelling nose and bloodshot eyes. "Anyway, my point is, I think you'll be okay…"

He chuckles. "I think you're right, but will you kiss it better anyway?" He smirks when I give him a disbelieving look. "Hey, you injured me, it's only right you make me feel better."

I roll my eyes and get on tip toes and kiss his _precious _nose. "You're such a baby."

He reaches out and brushes his thumb across my lips before standing.

"You should probably go," I say, _not_ meaning it but knowing this is too fucked up. He nods, and I walk him to the door, trying not to feel disappointment, but _feeling_ it all the same.

Before I pull the door open, his lips are on mine, soft, sweet, _tragic_, and when I'm about to tell him to _stay_, he pulls away and leaves my house. I watch him until he's across the street and pushing into his own house then I shut my door and lock it, feeling the complete opposite of relief and hating myself even more for it.

~o~O~o~

Nova is huffing and puffing at my feet, her little arms crossed over her chest as we wait for the bus. The phone is to her ear as she listens to Emmett.

"When are you coming home?"

Jack Jack cuddles me, his head on my shoulder, still sleepy after being awoken by the beast of the house. That girl is going to be the death of me.

"I love you, too."

She hands me the phone, and when I put it to my ear, Emmett's laughing. "What's funny?"

"I don't know how we created her, sweetheart. She's something else."

"I blame you," I say, grinning when he snorts.

Nova grunts and groans when the bus is coming down the street, and I tell Emmett, "The bus is coming. I better make sure she gets on it."

"Alright. I'll call later and see how Nova's day went. Love you."

"Love you, too," I say and feel a shit ton of guilt.

I hang up and shove the phone in my sweater, and hug my mean daughter before she gets on the bus. The driver waves and when the bus drives off, Edward's outside in his yard, a helmet in his hand, a backpack on his back, and a tie around his neck.

_Holy shit._

"Hey, princess," he says in that damn sexy voice. It doesn't help that he looks entirely good looking right now even with two black eyes.

I walk across the street, lifting Jack Jack higher in my arms. "Hey thief. Are you okay?"

He grins, and even looking black and blue, he's so fucking gorgeous.

"I'm good. I mean, it's not the best look for the first day of school, but I'll just tell everyone my neighbor beat me up."

I snort at the idiot, and Jack lifts his head and turns until his eyes are on Edward.

"Hey Jack Jack," Edward says, stepping closer into our space.

Jack Jack waves and babbles to Edward, wide awake, and when Edward has a full nonsensical conversation with Jack, my heart entirely fucking _melts._

_Goddamn him!_

"Well," I interrupt them. "Have a good day today."

Edward rubs a big hand softly across the top of Jack's head before his lips - _the same lips that were touching mine last night_ \- lift into a cute as all fucking fuck smile. I think I die a little at the mess I've found myself in.

"See you later, princess."

He climbs onto his bike and shoves his helmet on his head, and starts that thing up. I back up and walk Jack back across the street, feeling the sound of that engine in my fucking crotch.

I hate myself.

Like _literally!_

Edward glides past and _yeah_, I watch him go and then I stop by Mrs. Levitt's to check on her.

She's scuttling around the kitchen, making oatmeal, when we walk in.

"Good morning, you two. Care for some breakfast?"

"No thanks. We just came to check on you. Nova just left for school."

"Oh that's right. I should have seen her off. My mind is finally catching up to this old body of mine. Send her on over when she gets home. Tell her to bring Tiger."

I shudder at the sound of his name.

We leave Mrs. Levitt to her oatmeal and go eat our own breakfast of toast and bananas. Half of Jack's ends up on the floor, though.

Even though I don't want to, I clean the house while Jack follows me around on his hands and knees, playing with Tiger and Bear. It's quiet without Nova, and I don't know whether to feel elated or not about that.

_Shit, I'm a horrible mother._

After Jack goes down for a nap, I take a long, hot bubble bath but it does nothing to relax my self-induced anxiety.

I will never _ever _get past this shit. What I've done is unforgivable, what I _continue _to do. I don't know what it is about Edward that just makes me fucking _sin._

Emmett is everything good and kind in this world, and I'm just fucking it all up because of a gorgeous, heartbroken man who moved in across the street.

Life before the thief was perfect.

Life without Emmett is unimaginable.

How do I tell him what I've done?

_God, I hate myself._

~o~O~o~

Homework on the first day?

_Fuck you, Mrs. Hannigan!_

After spending two hours on an "about me" poster, Nova's finally asleep, and my brain is so fucking fried.

You'd think writing your name and drawing pictures to describe yourself would be easy peesy, but _no_, not with little miss _Novalie_. A 20 minute assignment took much longer than it needed to.

School's so hard these days. What happened to the days where we broke crayons and ate paste? Now that was the life.

I predict another year of school hell.

I shove Nova's crayons back into the box and into her backpack and grab a bottle of wine and don't bother with a glass.

After grabbing Bear and taking him to the couch with me to have a little cuddle and to protect me from the eye of the fucking Tiger, I turn the T.V. on and try to watch _Game of Thrones _for the hundredth time.

I make it past the 30 minute mark and am well on my way through the entire episode when there's a knock on my door.

It could only be one of two people.

Edward or Mrs. Levitt.

My guess would be Edward even though life would be easier if it was Mrs. Levitt coming to steal my donuts.

Keeping Bear in my arms as a barrier, I pull open the door to find messy haired Edward with his head down and _bare_ fucking feet.

_Bare feet!_

What in the world?

"Where are your shoes?" I ask.

_Why are you here?_ I don't ask.

He lifts his head, showing off his double black eyes, looking like some kind of sexy bad boy here to get me into some trouble.

"Where are yours?" He tosses back, slowly scanning my body.

"Edward…"

He steps forward and grabs my guard doggy out of my hands, lifts Bear and stares into his eyes, talks some doggy talk - _what the fuck_ \- and then looks me dead in the eye, his deep voice ruining me when he says the words, "I can't fucking stay away from you."

"Why?"

"I don't fucking know."

I hold my hands out for my dog, and he steps into my arms like I was waiting for an embrace. The grin on his face tells me he knew exactly what my intentions were, and like an asshole, I can't keep the smile off my face.

With Bear between us, Edward kisses my forehead over and over and _over_ until I'm pulling Bear from his arms and setting him on the floor. Edward shuts the door and like a fucking psychotic, I push him up against it and shove my hands up the front of his shirt to feel his skin, using my nails to dig in.

"I'm going to hell, thief…"

"I'll keep you company, princess," he says, before taking my lips in a bruising kiss.

I don't stop him.

I don't even fucking _try. _


	14. Chp 13: Killing Him

**You're going to hate me. I've prepared for it. Just wait, because there's more.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Thirteen*~  
**_-Killing Him-_

...BB...

"Please tell me Tiger is in his cage," Edward says between licks and sucks on my already swollen lips. He pulls me onto the floor behind the couch and pushes me down until my back is against faux wood and he's on top of me.

"He is," I laugh, arching my back, pushing my chest against his, wanting to feel the heavy weight of him all over me.

He grinds against me, kisses me deeper, and runs his hands over every inch of my body. His teacher hands aren't soft like you'd expect but rough with callouses, _manly_, and I want to be able to bring up images of my life before this man, but when he bites my lip roughly and lifts my hips into his, I forget my own fucking name.

"I want you, princess, so fucking bad," he rasps.

Edward lifts my shirt, shoves my arms above my head and holds me there as he kisses all over my boobs, sucks on my pebbled nipples, I'm sure leaving marks behind.

His wicked greens meet my half lidded grays, and the flash of his white teeth nearly kill me. He's heartbreakingly gorgeous, and I want to stop him, but know that I won't. There's something about him - I don't even know what it is - that I'm drawn to.

"You're killing me," I pant, pulling at my arms, wanting him to release me so I can tug on his thick hair. I want to touch him, _feel _him, fucking _know _him. This obsession, it's so fucking unhealthy, but _mutual._ Together we're slowly sinking with no chance of survival.

"Don't die, princess," he teases, biting my nipple but releasing my arms. My hands find their way into his hair and twist and pull while he drives me fucking insane.

I lift my hips, but he puts more pressure, not letting me move.

"Oh my God," I breathe. "What are you doing to me?"

His mouth kisses a path up my chest, my neck, my chin, until his lips are on mine, and he's breathing the fucking life into me.

_How can I feel this - whatever it is - with him? How is it even fucking fair?_

"What are _you_ doing to _me_?" He whispers across my lips, sucks on my tongue, kills me completely.

"Please…"

The sudden loss of him makes me cry out, but then he's pulling my shorts down my legs and tossing them to the side, his hungry eyes devouring me.

"Fuck, princess," he grunts, reaching into his own shorts to grip his cock. I sit up and pull his shirt off, and he yanks at the bottom of mine. "Take it off."

When I'm completely naked, kneeling in front of him, I fall into his chest, using my mouth to kiss every inch of his bare skin. He continues to fuck his fist while I lick and suck anything I can get my tongue on. When I get to the waistband of his shorts, I kiss his wrist before slowly pulling his shorts down to release his thick erection.

I feel dirty and _wrong_ and like the worst kind of person, but Edward..._Edward_, he's just...I don't fucking know. I feel _something_ for him, something I shouldn't, something that's against the laws of marriage. I'm a despicable person, I know this, but it's too fucking late to save what I've already ruined.

Emmett _has _to know. I have to tell him.

Edward lightly taps my lips with the tip of his cock, and I suck as much of him as I can down my throat. He groans quietly, grips my hair lightly, fucks my mouth roughly, and I kind of want to cry.

For Emmett.

For Nova.

For Jack Jack.

For Edward.

For _myself._

"Princess…"

Edward pulls himself from my mouth and lifts me into his arms, licking the tears I didn't even know were falling from my cheeks. "Shhh, princess," he whispers. "What's wrong?"

_What's wrong?_

"I ruined my family," I rasp, clear my throat, _swallow_ the sob that's inching its way up my throat. "What even _is _this?"

The look that crosses Edward's face devastates me. How can I be his _savior_? Who's going to be mine? Do I need one? Oh my _God,_ what the fuck is happening?

"I feel like I need you, Bella," he says, gripping the back of my neck. "I don't know why I do...I just _do._"

"It doesn't even fucking make sense!"

I cry out when he slips inside me, when I let him push all the way in, when I let him continue to destroy everything I ever knew about me, about love, marriage, fucking _loyalty._

"This…" Edward says, grinding deeper. "It makes so much fucking sense." His arms wrap tighter around me as he continues to ride me from the bottom. "_You_ make sense." He kisses all over my face, bites my cheek, licks my lips. "_We _make sense. Feel it, princess. Don't you fucking _feel _it?"

_Shut up_, I want to scream.

"You stole me."

"I'm sorry."

"You can't just _steal _things."

He cups my cheek with a big hand, his thumb brushing beneath my eye. "I'm _sorry._"

"You're not."

He nods his head. "I'm not."

Our foreheads connect, and we breathe each other in as he continues his assault on my body and my heart.

This is the beginning of the very fucking end, and I don't know if I'm ready for what will happen next.

~o~O~o~

The next morning, I take Nova over to Mrs. Levitt before sending her off to school. Mrs. Levitt preens over her and talks Nova up. Before we leave, Nova hugs her and tells her she will draw her a picture at school.

She hasn't drawn _me_ a picture.

Mrs. Levitt kisses Jack Jack's cheek before looking into my eyes like she's trying to see into my soul or some shit. "You feeling okay, dear? You're lookin' a little peckish."

I laugh, well I mean I _try _to laugh, but my heart isn't into it. No, it's too fucking busy breaking in two for two men, one who had it first, the other who stole it right from under him.

"You could say I'm feeling a little _peckish._ I'll be okay."

_Won't I?_

She pats my cheek like a loving mother. "You need to take care of yourself."

"I'll take a nap with Jack Jack while Nova's gone today."

I hear Nova talking to someone outside through the open front door, so I tell Mrs. Levitt goodbye and head out.

Why the fuck am I not surprised it's Edward with his skinny tie and black eyes?

_I can't get over the black eyes._

"Mama _makes _me go to school. She doesn't want me at home with her and Jack Jack."

Edward grins a heart-stopping grin at Nova before bestowing it on me, and I want to hate it, but of course I do not.

"No, don't say things like that," I scold, wrangling a wiggly Jack in my arms. He's grinning like a lunatic at Edward, and Edward just pulls him from my arms, leaving me feeling kind of bereft.

"I _hate _school," Nova complains, never one to allow this topic to go unheard.

"School is important, huh, Edward?"

Edward grins and scrunches his nose before wincing and looking down at Nova.

"What happen to your eyes?" She asks before he opens his mouth.

I choke on my own spit, making Edward chuckle, Jack Jack mocking him.

"I uh...I got hit with a baseball." Edward lies out of his ass.

"In _both _eyes?" Nova asks, smartly, the little shit.

"It was my nose," Edward says, _smartly, _the big shit. "It resulted in two black eyes."

"There's the bus," Nova groans and stomps her foot.

_Praise be to Jesus!_

"See ya later, Nova," Edward says while allowing Jack Jack to slap at his face.

"Bye, Edward. Have fun without me, mama."

I pull on Nova's bag to stop her from moving and kiss her head. "You know we miss you," I tell her. "We'll do ice cream with Mrs. Levitt when you get home."

That perks her up.

"Edward, too?"

_Oh fuck._

"Sure."

She runs off when the bus stops and skips on, leaving me alone with Edward and Jack.

"I love ice cream," Edward tells Jack, pretending to nibble on Jack's little fist. "Ice cream is so good."

_What a jerkoff!_

"Can I have my baby back?"

"I don't know," Edward says, staring at Jack. "Should I give you back to your mommy, huh?"

_Oh, for the love of God!_

Grinning, Edward hands Jack over and discreetly runs a hand down my arm, squeezing my fingers before stepping back. My heart races a little, and my mind goes back to last night.

"Buhbye bye bye," Jack says, opening and closing his fist in a wave.

"Later Jack Jack," Edward says, grinning even bigger, and I think my heart fucking stops.

"See you later, princess," he tells me. "I like rocky road."

"You're fucking sick."

He shakes his head and straddles his bike, and I need to stop witnessing these rides before I fucking combust.

Turning on my heel, I take Jack home and lock ourselves inside. I get Jack in his chair and feed him some cereal before grabbing my phone to call Emmett. He doesn't answer, but I leave him a message to give me a call.

I need him to come home. Telling him over the phone about all of my wrongdoings is worse than the wrongdoing's themselves...well not really, but it's fucking heartless.

I want to say I'm okay with telling him, that I can own up to my shit, but I'm so fucking scared. He will no doubt hate me. No fucking doubt.

_Is Edward worth throwing everything we've built away?_

I love Emmett. I _so _do, but I obvioulsy didn't love him enough to be faithful and that makes me the worst person on the fucking planet. How can I just move on with Edward after telling him? That feels like the biggest betrayal of all. I hate the person I've become since Edward moved in.

I want to _blame_ Edward, but I know this is all on me...well, I mean, he's partly to blame, right?

_Yeah, sure, Bella!_

~o~O~o~

"Hey, sweetheart."

_God, my fucking heart._

It's after ice cream with Mrs. Levitt and _Edward._ Nova surprisingly went to bed without a fight. She even did her homework without complaint. I almost want to check and make sure Mrs. Hannigan didn't send a robot home in place of my wacky Nova.

"Hey, baby."

_Don't you fucking tell him over the phone._

"I'll probably be home tomorrow night," he says. "Be ready for me because I want to give my wife a good fucking."

_Fucking gulp!_

"I need to talk to you when you get home…"

He chuckles in my ear, and my heart feels like it's literally ripping in two. "You can talk after I fuck you or _during_." He laughs again, and I'm going to suffer so much in hell for this. "I gotta go, sweetheart," he says, distractedly.

"Oh okay…"

"Love you."

He clicks off before I can respond, and I feel like crying.

Bear whines and rubs against my leg, and I pick him up and cuddle his soft body.

How could I have been so _stupid! _

I can't think of a single thing wrong with mine and Emmett's marriage…

So _why the fuck _did I go and fuck it up?

_Why the fuck_ do I have these feelings for the thief across the street?

I want to say that Edward can easily be forgotten, but I know that's not true. But can I live truly live a life without Emmett in it?

I don't know that I can.

The knock on the door tonight is so fucking dreadful, and I almost wish it was Mrs. Levitt here to steal my treats.

Edward is making my heart fail.

"I don't think I should let you in, thief," I say, cradling Bear like a little baby in my arms.

Edward lifts his chin in acknowledgment and shoves his hands in his jean pockets, making them pull down a bit. "You don't have to, princess."

_I don't have to!_

I stare at the thief of hearts until he tilts his head in question, and then I'm pulling the door open wider and letting him in. He closes the door, and I plop down on the couch not daring to let Bear leave my arms.

Edward sits next to me, not saying a word, and the silence is so fucking deafening, I _hate _it.

"I never had a dog when I was little," he says out of nowhere.

"What?" I turn my head to find his honest emerald eyes scanning me.

"My mom is allergic to dogs."

"Are you serious?"

He nods and bites his lip, and I hand Bear over, letting him cuddle the precious puppy. He grabs him from my hands and hugs the little guy to his black t-shirt covered chest.

He looks so fucking sexy holding my puppy. "You can't have him," I say.

Edward smirks and kisses Bear's head.

_Stop fucking with me, dammit._

"So, you never had any pets?"

"No. I had a stuffed bear."

I snort, and Edward grins. "What was his name?"

"I don't want to say."

"No fucking way. You have to tell me!" I turn to face him, sitting criss cross applesauce, just motherfucking adoring the way he's loving on Beary.

"It's not that interesting." He grins, his cheeks a little red.

"Come on, I won't make fun of you…"

"You're such a fucking liar."

"Well…"

"Fuzzy Wuzzy," he chuckles. "I was five."

"That's so cute," I laugh, snort, _die._

"Shut up, princess."

I'm reaching for Bear back when Jack Jack starts crying down the hall. My eyes widen before I jump up to go check on him, leaving Edward on the couch with Bear.

I peek on Nova on my way, finding her sound asleep, but my heart is kind of racing. It's so unusual for Jack Jack to wake before morning.

He's standing in his crib, wet eyes on the door when I walk in. "Mamamamama," he cries, holding out his little fists.

"What's wrong with my wittle baby," I coo quietly, pulling him from his bed. He cuddles me and sniffles, and I feel his head for fever, but he doesn't feel warm.

"Mamamamama," he whimpers all sadly.

_Fuck, he's melting me._

"Do you want mommy to get you some milk?"

He nods and rests his head on my shoulder.

Quietly, I make my way down the hall, finding Edward standing in my kitchen with no Bear in his hands.

"Is he okay?" He mouths, and I nod, my heart tripping in my chest. Jack Jack has a limited vocabulary, but how fucking awful to have Edward here in the middle of the night with Jack Jack awake.

_God, I'm stupid._

He steps aside when I reach up into the cabinet for one of Jack's sippy's and pour him some milk one handed, but it does no good when Jack lifts his head and lands his eyes on Edward.

He babbles some cute baby nonsense, but the word _hi_ is very clear.

"Hey, Jack Jack," Edward says quietly, and Jack kicks his feet excitedly, grinning like a lunatic.

_Oh dear God!_

He wiggles and squirms, using his baby feet to climb me, reaching for Edward behind me. I look over my shoulder, and Edward's biting his lip, trying to contain a damn smile.

"Just take him," I say, rolling my eyes.

Edward pulls Jack Jack from my arms, and Jack babbles happily, sipping some milk in between heavy conversation.

I lean against the counter and stare at this fucking atrocity. Edward glances at me before Jack grabs his attention again, and just _fuck_, Edward looks good holding my baby.

_Emmett's _baby.

God, this is horrible.

"It's beddy time, Jack Jack," I say, rubbing a hand down his back. "Tell Edward night night."

"No," Jack Jack cries. "No no no." He squeezes Edward's neck in a death grip, making Edward chuckle.

"No sleep?" Edward asks, kissing my baby's damn head.

_Stop it!_

"No," Jack Jack says, shaking his head and burying his face in Edward's neck.

"What the fuck?" I say, throwing my hands in the air.

"I'll hold him until he dozes off," Edward offers like he's some kind of baby whisperer.

"Sure," I say, leading the way back to the living room.

Cheating is one thing, the most _horrible _thing ever, but Edward here, cuddling Jack Jack seems far worse. I want to just grab Jack and tell Edward to leave, but it seems so fucking heartless.

Jack sips on his sippy and Edward rubs his back, and I can't stop watching the two of them. It's like a fucking trainwreck.

_An adorable fucking trainwreck._

We stay completely silent, my eyes going back and forth from sleepy Jack Jack to wide awake Edward. He's staring at me, and it's a little unnerving.

When Jack's finally asleep, I pull his sippy from his hand and set it on the coffee table.

"He out?" Edward asks quietly.

I nod and gently pull Jack from Edward's arms, walking slowly down the hall to lay him back in his bed. He rolls over and stays asleep.

Edward's where I left him when I get back. He grabs my hand when I walk by, and I stare down at him as he stares up at me. "I'm sorry," he says.

"For what?"

He shrugs and plays with my fingers, staring at the goddamn wedding ring on my finger. "For stealing you? _Wanting_ you? _Needing _you…"

"Why?" I ask.

"Why?" He looks up, a question in those soulful eyes.

"Why do you want me? _Need _me?"

"I don't know. I can't help the way I feel. That first time I saw you, crawling on the ground at the store, I fucking knew you were going to mean something to me."

"You were married to Mae," I say, dumbfounded.

He kisses my fingers, and says nothing else. I want to punch him in the beautiful face, honestly. I want to kiss his stupid lips wholeheartedly. I want to give him my love genuinely, but most of all, I want to have never ever _met _him.

"I think I hate you," I say.

"If this is what being hated feels like, then fucking hate me, princess." He pulls me onto his lap and kisses all over my face, innocent kisses, motherfucking tantalizing kisses, kisses so heartbreaking, I can barely stand the feel of his soft lips on my skin.

"You're killing me."

"You make me feel alive."

"Oh my God," I breathe.

Edward kisses my chin, nibbles my neck, gently bites my collarbone, and I want to stop him but know that I won't. His hands lightly grip my neck and tilt my head back so he can lick a path up, up, _up_ until he's leaving a trail of wetness across my cheek before giving it a gentle bite.

I feel like I am going to fucking come all over him.

"Edward…"

"Tell me how much you want me, princess."

"What if I don't want you at all?"

_What a liar! A decieftful, hateful fucking liar. _

He chuckles and nips my lip, making me moan, making me the dirtiest fucking pond scum there ever was.

~o~O~o~

Edward's gone when the pounding on my door startles me awake. It's dark out still, and I tumble from my bed, getting stuck in the sheets and kick them off, bouncing and tripping on my feet.

Who in the world would pound on the door at this hour?

I jog down the hall, and the pounding never stops.

_What the fuck?_

Bear lets out a little bark like he's my guard dog, and I flip the switch to the living room light before pulling the door open.

"Alice…"

"Oh my _God_. _Oh my God_…"

She pushes into the house and yanks me into her arms, her body shaking against mine.

"Alice, what the fuck? You're scaring me!"

"Bella…" She squeezes me tighter, and I'm officially fucking worried. "Oh, _Bella…_"

"Alice!"

My eyes go over her shoulder, meeting the furrowed brows of Jasper.

_Jasper? Shouldn't he be with Emmett?_

"Emmett...he…"

She cries harder and my fucking heart stops. Emmett what?

_Emmett fucking what!_

"He's _gone_," she whispers.

_What!_

_Gone?_

_What does she mean gone!_

"There was an accident...God, I can't do this."

She pulls away and scrubs her hands down her face, the tears like a horrible black storm raining down her face.

_Gone?_

"Alice." I feel like my heart is racing out of my chest. "Alice, what do you…"

"Mama…"

Alice chokes, and I whip my head around to find Nova standing at the end of the hall, her hair sticking up, Tiger in her arms.

_Wait!_

_Gone?_

_Like…_

"No," I breathe, my head whipping back toward Alice, and she's shaking her head, a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God!"

"Mama…"

This isn't happening.

_This isn't fucking happening!_

My hands are on my knees, and I'm hyperventilating. Alice moves past me, and I feel Jasper's hand on my back, telling me to breathe.

_I can't fucking breathe!_

What have I done?

_Oh my God, what have I done!_

Gone?

That's _unimaginable!_


	15. Chp 14: When My Time Comes

**I had to spend an entire day rereading this story, and I'm not happy with myself even though I'm the one that planned this story out. Anyway, here's a chapter, and it killed me to write it.**

**~*Chapter Fourteen*~**

_-When My Time Comes-_

...BB...

Emmett's dead.

_Dead._

How can that be?

People I don't know hug me and give their condolences, and I feel _nothing._

_Nothing_ but disgust for the secret I never got to tell my beautiful _dead_ husband.

I feel so fucking sick.

Nova is a fucking wreck, and my Jack Jack has no idea what's going on, but he won't leave my hip. He's snuggling me while Nova lays in Mrs. Levitt's lap.

We're at the fucking Brandon's of all places. The funeral, Emmett's eulogy, everything to the goddamn flowers was such a fucking farce.

If I felt like I deserved the title of grieving wife, I would have fought Mary tooth and nail on the shit show she put on.

Emmett would have hated it.

How can he be gone?

It doesn't make any fucking sense. One second he's telling me he loves me, and then he's just gone.

I'm so fucking pissed at him for leaving us. What are we going to do without him? What is _Nova _going to do without her daddy? Why did I ruin something so fucking precious?

Emmett died not knowing what a colossal piece of shit his wife was.

Is it better this way?

_Fuck._

I don't realize I'm crying until Alice is hugging me and Jack, her own body wracking with sobs.

"Life's so unfair," she says, squeezing me tighter.

I nod, at a loss for words, not feeling like I deserve to say anything that would make Alice feel better.

She's my best friend - Emmett's _sister_ \- and I've done the unthinkable.

I can't live with this lie.

I can't fucking do it.

I push Alice away and hand over Jack before locking myself in the nearest bathroom.

I just can't fucking breathe.

Selfish and needy, I just want him back.

God, I just want to hear his voice, laugh over how fucking crazy our kids are, kiss his stupid gorgeous face.

This is stupid.

It's all so fucking stupid.

Who's going to make me laugh?

What am I going to do?

My cheating heart is beating wildly, my hands are shaking uncontrollably, and the tears are falling from my cheeks like two rivers hoping to drown me in their sorrow.

_Please, God, just give him back!_

I don't love Edward.

I love _him._

Plopping down onto the toilet seat, I bury my face in my hands and choke on my broken heart.

Is this my punishment?

How fucking stupid for Emmett to pay for my treachery. How fucking stupid for our kids to lose their daddy because I've done the unthinkable.

I will _never _forgive myself.

I will _never _forgive Edward.

It doesn't matter that it's not his fault or that I'm just as guilty as him. If he never rode into town on that death trap and handed me that stupid can of Rotel, Emmett and I would be laying around the house, arguing over whose going to be the one to tackle the shit Nova throws at us.

Jack Jack will never be held or cuddled by his daddy again.

Nova will have to settle for me and the fucked up way I pour her cereal.

"Bella," Alice says, quietly. "Your family's here."

_Who cares!_

I cry harder, ignoring the burn in my eyes from the mascara that's supposed to be waterproof.

How can I face anyone after what I've done?

"Bella…"

The door pushes open, and I don't lift my head, but when my dad's arms wrap around me, I sob so loudly I'm sure everyone in this stupid house can hear me.

Dad doesn't say anything. What could he possibly say to soothe the forever ache in my heart, in my fucking soul?

A hand lands on my head, rubbing softly, and I don't move from dad's embrace, but mom whispers in my ear, "Oh, Bella…"

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and wish for darkness. I want to crawl into our bed and breathe Emmett in. Our bed smells like us, and I need him.

I need Emmett back.

"Mamamama," Jack cries, and my heart shatters.

"It's okay, baby," Alice coos, brokenly.

I lift my head and meet dad's eyes. He reaches up and wipes my tears, and I hiccup and hold back the sob that wants to tear from my throat.

"Jack Jack…"

"No!" Nova screeches, and I lift my head, eyes shooting to Alice. "I don't want to put them on. Leave me alone!"

"Novalie," Mary says, and I shoot from my spot on the toilet and barely notice Heidi next to Alice.

When I turn the corner and see Mary trying to force Nova to put on shoes she never wanted to wear in the first fucking place, I see red.

"Mommy," Nova cries, jumping from the couch and slipping and sliding her way to me in those stupid tights. Her eyes are full of tears, and I can feel another mark on my soul at the sight. "I don't want to wear those shoes. They _hurt_."

I squat down in front of her, and she falls into my arms. "You don't have to…"

"Daddy wouldn't make me," she sniffles, burrowing into my front, her hands wrapping tight around my neck. "I want daddy!"

She's a far cry from the wild, head banging, drum playing, ugly cat loving girl she was just days go.

_I did this!_

Mrs. Levitt's hand covers her mouth, and I know I will not survive Emmett's death.

I stand and pick Nova up and look over my shoulder when I hear the footsteps behind me. Dad has Jack Jack, and mom and Heidi walk behind him. Alice is nowhere in sight, and I'm glad because I've betrayed her, too.

"I want to go home," I say, and dad nods.

Mrs. Levitt pushes herself from the couch, and Mary walks away without a word.

Dad drives us and Mrs. Levitt home, and I stare out the window lost in thoughts of loss and heartbreak and the realization that I will never see or hear Emmett again.

_Ever._

We're never going to be the same.

None of us.

And it just makes me hate myself even more.

~o~O~o~

...EC…

Car doors slam, and Edward picks himself up off the couch to pull the blinds open hoping for a glance at his princess.

Not _his _princess.

Not anymore.

Emmett's death changes _everything._

Bella doesn't look in his direction, and he hates that he's wishing she would just give him one look - a look that tells him that she needs him.

It won't happen.

She will never need the man that helped betray her dead husband.

They've done the unforgivable, and Bella will eat the blame and never forgive herself.

_Fuck!_

He lets the blinds go and takes his spot back on the couch, staring at a TV that doesn't mean shit when Bella's across the street nursing an unmendable broken heart.

He knows what that feels like. He knows what this kind of tragedy does to a person. He's lived with this mark on his soul for two years, and he was just barely finding the will to live again, to fucking _love _again.

One inferno and that's all it took for it to be stripped from his hands irrecoverably.

Emmett didn't just _die_. He was burned to death from the outside in. The opposite of his Emma who was burned from the inside out.

It's so fucking tragic that they'd both lose someone so fucking precious to them.

Life is a fucking dirty bitch, and if not for Bella right across the street, he'd say _fuck it_, but even if she never speaks to him again, he knows that she's the one for him.

It's fucked up to think it. It was fucked up to act on it, but from his perspective, he had no choice. The heart wants what the fucking heart wants, and his wants Bella. His fucking needs her.

He has no idea what he's going to do without her. He can't even think of never hearing her voice again, of never touching her soft skin, of never feeling the way he feels when she smiles at him, when she fucking kisses him.

It all started on the wrong foot, but they've just been cut off at the knees - to never walk the same path again.

He's going to have to leave - give her space - but it's going to fucking kill him to do it.

_Fuck!_

~o~O~o~

...BB…

I stare at the empty sheet next to me, trying to bring up the image of Emmett and how much I want him _right_ here chin in his hand, eyes devouring me like a hungry beast.

I'll never have it again - _him _again.

A tear leaks from my eye, and I don't know how I'm going to live a life without Emmett in it.

It's been two weeks - one week since the funeral - and nothing, fucking _nothing _is getting easier.

_How could it?_

_How could it possibly get easier?_

The roar of a motorcycle has my body stiffening, and my heart weakening. Rolling over, I bury my face in the pillow and let the tears flow uncontrollably.

It's been two weeks since _you make me feel alive_ \- two weeks since I laid eyes on Edward.

It's good, though, because I have no idea how I would have reacted if he would have said the words _I'm sorry._

I sniffle into the pillow and breathe in the scent of Emmett - hoping it never goes away but knowing it fucking will someday.

Dad, Heidi, and mom left three days ago, and I'm glad because I can't face anyone.

How will I ever look anyone in the eye and be okay with this secret that's now buried somewhere deep inside me? The one person that deserved to know, is never fucking coming back.

I cry until my eyes hurt and my lungs are burning, and just when I think I'll never be able to sleep, my eyes close.

When they open again, it's morning, and Nova's banging on those drums. I want nothing more than to hear the sound of Emmett's groan of agony because he's not - _wasn't -_ a morning person.

Forcing myself to get out of bed, I wash my face and brush my teeth before checking on Jack and peeking in on Nova. She doesn't notice me, busy banging on her drums savagely. I leave her to it and make coffee.

Sadness and heartbreak is what I'll always feel - _always_.

I'm on cup number two when a knock comes on my door. Not wanting to but doing it anyway, I pull it open.

Mrs. Levitt's standing there, her wrinkly old face looking haggard. Poor Mrs. Levitt is suffering right along with the rest of us.

"Morning, dear," she says, leaving off the _good. _"You have a note." She gestures to the door, and she's right, there is a note with my name on it.

With a shaking hand, I pull it off, and step out of the way, so Mrs. Levitt can come in.

"There's coffee," I say, distractedly, my eyes on the slanted writing of my name on folded white paper.

"I'll help myself, dear."

She hobbles off, and I close the door, heart in my fucking throat.

My gut tells me I know who this is from, and my heart's not sure if she wants to read the motherfucker.

_What could it say?_

Ignoring the sound of Nova's drums, I set my coffee on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch.

I bite my lip and bend perfectly creased paper in my shaking hands.

I _know _it's from him. It has to be.

Thinking _fuck it_ \- that there's nothing worse than losing my husband, I unfold the paper.

_Princess,_

_I'm so fucking sorry. You'll never know how much. I'm not going to lie. I need you. I'll always fucking need you. I'm almost selfish enough to say fuck it and break this door down just so I can touch you, hold you, fucking feel your lips on mine. The thing is, I know what it feels like to lose a piece of your soul. I fucking know, so even if I can't feel whole without you - without Emma - I know you won't feel whole without him. _

_I'm leaving town not because I want to but because I think you need me to in order to heal. I fucking hope that you, Nova, and Jack Jack find peace. Emmett was good, Bella. He didn't deserve it. None of it. My heart is fucking breaking writing this stupid letter to tape on your stupid fucking door. It's juvenile, but I won't force you to see me even if it's killing me not to see you._

_What we had meant everything. You mean everything, princess. _

_I'll always hope for more._

_Take care of Nancy._

_I'll miss you like crazy - you have no idea how much._

_Always,_

_Your thief_

I read it twice through, letting droplets of water smear stupid ink as I read each stupid word.

I was right - nothing's worse than losing my husband.

Except this.

This _secret _I kept from him.

Emmett's gone and never coming back.

Edward's gone, and I don't know if I'll ever see him again.

I rush from the couch and yank the door open, my blurry eyes going straight to Edward's house next door. The garage is closed, and I don't see his motorcycle out front.

It doesn't make any sense when I run on bare feet across the street and bang on his door, my heart in my throat, the tears an unstoppable river flowing down my cheeks.

He's _gone._

Edward left.

I don't know how long I stand at his front door, wishing I could turn back time and have _never_ met him. He made me feel things I had no right to feel when I was married to a man who loved me fiercely.

Mrs. Levitt calls my name, and I peek over my shoulder to find her watching me from my doorway.

She _knows_.

The look on her face tells me she knows everything I've done, and she doesn't hate me.

_Just fucking _hate _me!_

I walk across the yard and stand in front of her, and when she pulls me into a hug and murmurs, "Oh, dear…" I lose it all over again.

_Will I ever stop crying? Will life _ever _be easy again?_

"Let it out," Mrs. Levitt whispers.

"I'm…" I choke and sniffle, burying my face deeper into her bony shoulder. "...a _horrible _person."

She knows I am - she _knows_ \- but she just rubs my back and shushes me until I get myself under control - if only for show - and pull back to stare at her weathered face.

"Come on inside. You need breakfast."

"I'm not hungry…"

"Starving yourself won't do any good. Those babies need their mommy."

I step inside, and she closes the door. "Now, go on and wash up. I'll make you some toast and jam, dear."

_Mrs. Levitt knows me - whoever _me _is supposed to fucking be._

~o~O~o~

_3 weeks later_

This can't be happening.

_What the fuck!_

"Nova, come here and get Tiger," Alice yells, making me jump from the toilet without even wiping and shoving the stick at the bottom of the garbage can. "Bella!"

She's in my room now, and my entire body is shaking.

"I'll be out in a minute."

She doesn't answer, and I take longer than a minute because I'm trying to process how in the fucking world I'm pregnant.

_Pregnant! _

I can't be pregnant. I already have Jack Jack and Nova plus Bear and the rat demon from hell. I can't be pregnant without Emmett…

Oh my _God!_

Am I pregnant with Emmett's baby or _Edward's_?

Pacing the small bathroom, I feel like I am going to puke my fucking guts up.

My husband is dead.

Edward is gone.

And I'm just _pregnant._

A tear leaks from my eye - I'm so fucking tired of crying - and I angrily wipe it away before lifting my shirt and staring at my flat stomach in the mirror.

This can't be happening.

I splash water on my face and dry it with a towel before facing Alice.

Am I going to tell her?

I still haven't worked up the nerve to tell her that I had a soul changing affair with my neighbor. Of course she wouldn't understand, I'm just not prepared to lose her, too.

Taking a deep breath, I pull the door open and find Alice with her back to me, standing at the tall dresser in the corner.

"What are you…"

She turns around and my heart literally drops. Her face is red and blotchy, and she's crying, but it's what's in her hands that has me wanting to run and hide like a fucking coward.

"What is this?" She holds the note up and shakes it. "What the fuck is this?"

"Alice…"

Bear barks, and Nova starts playing her drums, her life's mission to wake her brother up every single morning.

"You were _cheating _on him?"

I step forward and yank the note from her hand and like a motherfucking idiot, I turn it on her. "Why are you going through my things?"

She laughs humorlessly and angrily wipes at her wet cheeks. "Don't you dare make this about me, Bella. You were fucking cheating on my brother!"

I knew this was going to happen - I was going to tell her myself - but I never thought it would feel like this, never thought I'd feel like I was fucking _dying_ having to admit it out loud.

I squeeze Edward's precious words in my fist, and slowly nod my head, knowing that mine and Alice's friendship will never be the same. "I did…"

"Oh my God," Alice breathes. "Oh my _God_, Bella. How could you!"

I look away and bite my lip, trying to hold my shit together and utterly fucking _failing_. I can't even tell her I'm pregnant now. I can't tell her _anything_.

"Say something," she demands, sounding nothing like herself, and that's my fucking fault, too.

If she leaves us, I don't know how I will survive. It's hard enough waking up every single fucking morning without Emmett, without knowing where Edward ran off to. I shouldn't care about Edward, I shouldn't give one fuck about him, but I fucking _do _care that he left, too.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask, looking into blue, angry eyes. "Edward…"

"Don't fucking say his name," she sneers, her fists balled at her sides. "Don't ever say his name to me. He was my _brother_…" her voice cracks, and my heart is a constant ache in my chest. "...he _loved_ you, and you _slept_ with another man. He's _dead_…" she stifles a sob and shakes her head angrily. "...he's gone, _never_ coming back, and you were keeping this secret from him!"

"I was going to tell him!" I yell, just fucking losing it. "I was going to fucking tell him and then he _died_. He was your brother, but he was my fucking _husband!_" Now I'm crying, and my voice is shaking horrifically with the truth. "He was coming home, and I was going to tell him and then he died…" I squeeze the words in my fist tighter when Nova's drums taper off. "...I was going to tell him."

She scoffs and glares at me. "You got off easy, Bella. He was off dying and you were fucking the neighbor. I can't even look at you."

She starts to walk away, and I grab her arm, desperate for her to stay, so fucking desperate. "You're leaving? Don't leave like this, Alice."

She throws my arm off and doesn't look at me when she says the words that destroy me. "I will never forgive you for this. _Never, _Bella."

I'm frozen to the spot as I listen to her telling Nova bye and making sure Nova gives kisses to Jack Jack for her.

Is she going to abandon Nova and Jack Jack, too?

What am I going to do?"

_Oh my God, what the fuck am I going to fucking do?_


	16. Chp 15: Head Full of Doubt

**This chapter starts a time jump. **

* * *

**~*Chapter Fifteen*~**

_-Head Full of Doubt-_

_7 months later_

...BB…

"Bella, dear, you need to rest." Mrs. Levitt says, hobbling around the house, picking up after Nova and Jack Jack.

Mrs. Levitt has been my fucking lifeline.

The first couple of months after Emmett died, I woke up every morning expecting to roll over and find Emmett snoring next to me.

_Every fucking morning._

There will always be a part of me missing - that he took with him when he died - but for Nova, Jack Jack and the baby growing inside me, I have to do everything in my power to move on.

It really is so fucking hard, though.

I just want to hear _morning, sweetheart_.

Or even _just_ sweetheart.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Levitt," I say, waddling like her hobbling, to get the house clean before Nova gets home to trash it all over again.

The past seven months have been fucking brutal.

That day Alice walked out was the last day we saw her. While she has every right to be angry, I'm fucking _angrier_ because she left Nova and Jack Jack without a backwards glance and that's something _I _will never forgive. They don't deserve to be left by everybody they've ever loved because of my stupid fucking mistakes.

From what I've heard through stilted conversations with Mary, Alice packed up her shit and moved across the fucking country to live with Jasper.

How dare she walk out on Nova like she never meant anything to her.

We all suffer through our pains in different ways, but what she did to Nova and Jack Jack is so fucking unacceptable.

If she ever comes back, I'm going to kick her fucking ass.

I am - indeed - pregnant if the huge belly I'm sporting is anything to go by. I want to be thrilled that Emmett left me with a part of him growing inside me, but the fuck of it all is, _did _he? For all I know, this is Edward's baby.

_Edward._

I can't lie and say I haven't thought about him at all in the seven months since he left me, and he _did_ leave me. As much as it kills me to admit it, I _miss_ him. Our meeting in life was so at the wrong fucking time, and I've paid - am still paying - for it. But if this is _his_ baby, he should know.

I just _don't_ know if it is. I don't have it in me to find him and tell him for no reason at all. If I'm being honest, I don't know how I'll ever face him again.

While I'm wracked with guilt over what I did to an unknowing Emmett before he died, a miniscule part of my soul cries for Edward.

Is it really possible two men were meant to be mine at one point in my life?

_No fucking way!_

Jack Jack runs screeching into the living room, Tiger on his heels, and I _feel_ for him. He's just as terrified as I am of that little bald bitch.

"Mama!" He yells, running right for me on his cute little legs.

I bend and pick him up just in time. "No like Tiga," he says, using his feet to push up my belly.

_I no like Tiga, too._

You'd think I'd be used to the little rat, but he still makes me uneasy. I know he's out to get me, I just fucking _know _it.

"Aww, Tiger's a good little kitty," Mrs. Levitt says, reaching down to grab the hairless ball sack up into her arms. "Isn't that right?"

Tiger purrs and rubs his gross face into Mrs. Levitt's neck, and I swear Jack Jack and I have the same look of disgust on our own faces.

Mrs. Levitt takes Tiger and locks him in Nova's room, and I put Jack back on his feet. He immediately runs wild and makes a mess of what we've already started to clean.

It's fucking hopeless to even try.

The first couple of months, Nova was a wreck - rightfully so - and I was on fucking edge.

Emmett was everything to her and losing him broke her so completely. There's not a day that goes by that she doesn't bring him up in some way, and it _kills_ me to hear it, but she's at the age where she will never forget him, and I don't want her to.

Jack Jack loved his daddy, but he's so young that he doesn't realize that Emmett's gone and never coming back.

I'll hear a _dada_ every once in a while, but that's it. It fucking sucks to know he'll never really know what a fucking awesome, funny guy Emmett was.

Mornings around here suck, too, when it comes time to getting Nova onto that bus.

"He's locked up tight, dear," Mrs. Levitt says. "He won't bother Jack."

"Thanks, Mrs. Levitt."

"Well, I better get on home. You call if you need me."

I kiss her cheek and walk her out, my eyes going to Edward's house like they've done for the past seven fucking months. I can't help but look to see if he's come home - if he ever does.

Mrs. Levitt catches me and gives me a pat on the cheek with a sad smile.

_Edward left Mrs. Levitt, too!_

If not for Mrs. Levitt, I would have packed up our house and left this place for good.

In a way the memories are _too_ much and not enough, but I couldn't imagine just leaving behind the house and life I shared with Emmett even if he is no longer here to share it with us.

A month or two after he died, I told Mrs. Levitt I wanted to leave, and she told me to do whatever my heart was telling me to do. She also told me that it might be better that Emmett left this earth not knowing what happened between Edward and me.

That _killed._

It also didn't relieve me of the guilt I still feel everyday knowing he died thinking he left behind his beautiful kids and a wife that was perfectly crazy in his eyes.

I still can't get over it.

I can wake up each day and _live,_ but it's always in the back of mind - the betrayal.

It's also growing inside of me.

I can say over and over that I don't know whose baby is growing inside me, but I know in my soul that it's Edward's.

I can just fucking _feel _it.

Mrs. Levitt gives me a wave, and I watch until she's inside her house to shut the door.

Jack Jack is laying on the couch, eyes getting droopy, so I sneak past him and into the kitchen to start dinner for when Nova gets home.

My eyes don't stop straying to Edward's the entire fucking time.

I should know where he is. There are only two choices - Forks or Florida. You'd think I could just give him a fucking ring, but I never called him. There was never a reason to when he was just across the street.

Mrs. Levitt has his number and his whereabouts, but back in the early stages of grief I told her to never give them to me.

I wonder how often she talks to him - if he misses me like my treacherous heart misses him.

Mrs. Levitt is such a good listener, though. Sometimes I wish she'd betray me and tell Edward what's happened in his absence.

I fucking wish.

~o~O~o~

"Can we bring Tiger and Bear with us?"

_Oh fuck no!_

"They can't be left all alone, mama. What if they die?"

_Dammit._

"Fine, Nova, but Tiger has to stay in the cage the _entire_ trip. I mean it."

She nods and grins that devious smile, and I know I'm fucking in for it. Bringing a tiger and bear on a two hour drive to see dad for Thanksgiving can only end in disaster.

Two hours may not seem like a lot, but it totally fucking is.

Bear is the size of a big fat bulldog now, and I love the fuck out of him. He's house trained, and we let him live inside, but he knows how to do his business outside like a good boy - unlike Tiger who still shits in shoes and pees on pillows.

Disgusting little rodent.

Mrs. Levitt is worried about me traveling - hence the reason she's spending Thanksgiving with us - but there's a hospital in Prescott just like there's one here if I was going to go into labor.

I pack the rest of the suitcase with Nova and Jack Jack's clothes and a separate bag for diapers and wipeys plus snacks.

I hope Mrs. Levitt can hold down the job of catering to their every whim on the road since I'll be driving.

After rolling the suitcases into the living room and parking them at the front door, I head back down the hall to use the restroom before forcing Nova to go even though she _just did_. She will be the first one to make us stop because she can't fucking hold it.

"Can I bring my drum set?" Nova asks like a straight up crazy person.

"No, you cannot. You'll bust grandpa's ear drums."

"He'll like them," she says, crossing her arms and tapping her foot like she has a real chance of winning this argument.

"You're not taking them. Don't even think about arguing."

She stomps off down the hall mumbling something I can't even understand, and I don't want to be afraid, but she's always been such a little monster.

I used to be able to throw Emmett under the bus and threaten to get _daddy_, but obviously that won't work anymore. I've had to really lay down the hatchet now.

"Knock, knock," Mrs. Levitt calls, letting herself into the house.

"I'll be right out."

Two sets of steps run down the hall to greet Mrs. Levitt just as the sound of a _motorcycle _rents the air.

There's _no _way it can be him.

I walk down the hall and straight to the kitchen window on shaky legs, and my fucking eyes are not deceiving me when I see Edward standing next to his motorcyle in his front yard.

Oh my fucking God!

My fucking _God_!

He's _everything _I remember, and I can't look away. I can hear Nova and Jack Jack jibbering to Mrs. Levitt somewhere behind me, but Edward is _back_.

"Bella, dear, are you okay…" Mrs. Levitt takes a good look at my face and rushes to me - as much as the poor lady can rush - and frets over me. "...is everything okay? Is it the baby? My gosh, dear, are you in _labor_?"

I want to laugh but I also want to cry. I shake my head, and croak, "I'm fine."

"You scared ten years off my life," she says, patting my belly gently. "Come on, come take a seat."

She forces me to sit at the kitchen table and gives me a glass of water, and I drink it all in one gulp, and feel my heart beating too fucking fast in my chest.

Edward's home.

He's fucking home, and I'm about to pop with his baby. It's _his_. I know it is, and he doesn't know. He doesn't fucking know I'm pregnant with his child, and he's home, and we're bound to fucking run into each other.

_Oh my God._

Why didn't I just tell him?

"Bella, you have to breathe, dear."

I take a deep breath and wipe my wet eyes, then another breath and wipe my wet eyes again. "He's home," I whisper.

She nods and rubs a shaky hand through my hair. "I know. I called him," she says, shocking the fucking shit out of me.

"What!"

"Nova, take your brother to your room and play me a song on those drums of yours."

"Really? What song do you want?"

"Do you know many, dear?"

She nods excitedly, and she really is a fucking cute monster. "I know lots!"

"Whichever your heart desires," Mrs. Levitt says, and Nova grabs Jack Jack's hand and leads him down the hall and into her room.

When the drums start that wild beat, Mrs. Levitt pulls her chair out, and continues to blow my mind.

"He knows your pregnant."

I gasp and wrap a hand over my swollen belly. "You _told _him?"

She nods and places a hand over mine. "He needed to know, dear. I didn't want to have to do it, but when months and months went by and you never asked for his number...he _needed_ to know."

I want to be so fucking pissed. I want to yell at this nosy old lady, but I can't because somewhere deep down inside, I'm _glad_ he knows.

"He was upset to find out by me, I will say," Mrs. Levitt goes on. "That's something you and him will have to deal with."

I nod. "I can't believe you told him." I do believe it, I really do.

"It had to be done."

"We have to go," I say, pushing to my feet. "Dad's expecting us."

Mrs. Levitt shakes her head. "He's expecting us tomorrow, dear. I let him know of the change of plans."

"Mrs. Levitt!"

What a fucking meddling old lady she is.

"I made the children some mac and cheese before I came over. I'll take them home with me while you figure out what you're going to do."

"You mean what you're _forcing _me to do_,_" I can't help but say.

"It had to be done."

She pats my cheek and hobbles down the hall toward Nova's music and Jack's excited screams. I listen to her telling them to get their shoes on because they're having dinner with her tonight.

I can't see Edward.

What the fuck would I even say?

"We're off, dear. Take your time."

She closes the door, and I shake my head and sob.

I sob for Emmett all over again.

I sob because I fucking miss Alice.

And I fucking sob because Edward's home, and I'm not ready to face him because _really _the second I heard his motorcycle, I wanted nothing more than to let him soothe my aching heart and my tortured soul.

When will it all stop fucking _hurting_?

~o~O~o~

...EC…

He's been home over an hour, and he's fucking dying to walk over to Bella's and see what he's been fucking missing.

It's been eight months - eight fucking months - since he's laid eyes on that pretty face and those thundercloud eyes.

Fuck, he _misses_ her.

When he left town all those months ago, it physically hurt him to do it. Taping that note on her door was such a pussy thing to do but, he couldn't force her to see him.

What she went through was tragic, and he knew that seeing him everyday would only remind Bella of what they'd done, and she'd hate him. He couldn't bear for her to hate him.

Mrs. Levitt - the nosy neighbor, bless her fucking heart - called him two months later to give him the news of Bella's pregnancy.

It fucking sucked hearing it from her. It fucking sucked more not knowing if she carried his baby or Emmett's.

If he was a good guy, he'd pray the baby was Emmett's, but he's so fucking selfish, he wants that baby to be his - _theirs._

It _has_ to be.

Mrs. Levitt insists it is.

He's never wanted someone to be right more than he wants Mrs. Levitt to be right.

He pulls the sonogram picture that Mrs. Levitt mailed him out of his jacket pocket and stares at the precious little peanut, wanting to just fucking cry like a goddamn baby for missing him or her grow all these months.

Fuck, he doesn't know how he stayed away so long - how he fucking survived it.

Leaning his arms on the kitchen sink, he stares out the window at Bella's house just waiting for her to open that door, so he can see her pretty face and that swollen belly.

He saw Mrs. Levitt take Nova and Jack over to her house - all a part of her devious plan - and he's been waiting with his heart in his throat for Bella to make the move.

Just when he's about to say _fuck it_ and go pound on her door, her front door opens, and she steps through.

All the breath leaves his lungs, and he grips the counter top in his hands to stop him from throwing his door open.

She's so goddamn beautiful.

His head drops down, and he takes deep breaths to calm his fucking nerves. This is Bella - his fucking princess - and whether she wants him or not, he's here to fucking stay.

For her.

For _their_ baby.

~o~O~o~

…BB…

What am I doing?

What the fuck am I doing?

This feels like the beginning all over again except I'm no longer married but only because my husband is _dead_.

Edward's inside that house probably waiting for me to finish what we started, but things are different now.

I'm not going to just climb into his bed and start where we left off.

Emmett is _dead_, and I can't just move on with Edward.

Right?

Do I even _want _to?

All I want is to see his face, tell him he's most likely going to be a dad, and let him decide if he wants to be a part of his or her life.

I couldn't bear to find out the gender. I wanted to be surprised.

Does Edward hate me?

I had no problem letting him inside me when Emmett was fucking _alive_ and now that he's dead, I suddenly have a concious.

God, it fucking hurts to even think about. Maybe this was a bad idea.

I pause at the edge of his yard and look toward the garage, the place that was the beginning of the worst nightmare I've ever lived.

I'm crying again, and I'm so fucking tired of crying.

The sick thing is, is I don't have to beg Emmett for his forgiveness. He'll never know what I did, what I created while he was off saving lives and _dying._

His life ended while another one began, and I have to live with the knowledge that I'm _okay_ \- that I'll _be _okay.

Without Alice.

Without _Emmett_ \- because I fucking _have _to be.

My feet walk through dead grass and up the steps to the heart pilferer and soul destroyer.

I don't even have to knock because the door is pulled open before I can, and if the tears weren't already flowing, they'd be _pouring_ at the sight of Edward standing before me.

He lifts his chin - _lifts his fucking chin _\- and says, "Hey, princess." His green eyes are everywhere and nowhere, and my grays devour him - not because I _want_ him, but because I _missed_ him.

How could I have missed him?

"Hey, thief," I rasp, look away, shove my hands in my back pocket.

My eyes jerk to his when I feel hands on my belly - soft and exploring - and I want to die when he says, "Do you still feel it, princess? _Us_?"

I bite my lip and shake my head. "I let you steal me," I say, my heart swelling inside my chest. "I shouldn't have let you steal me."

"Do you finally hate me?" He asks, hands still moving, eyes riveted to my belly.

I want to hate him. I want so badly to fucking hate him, but none of this is his fault. He may have made it obvious he wanted me, but I acted on it.

"I don't hate you, Edward."

_I fucking hate myself!_


	17. Chp 16: The Healing of a Heart

**No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

**~*Chapter Sixteen*~**

_-The Healing of a Heart-_

...EC…

It's been three days since Bella went to visit her dad for Thanksgiving. It was hard for Edward to let her go after reuniting after so many months apart. He didn't want to let her out of his sight, but she needed to get away and think about the idea of _them_.

Fuck, seeing her at his doorstep, her beautiful swollen belly, he almost died. He knows that the baby growing inside her is his.

God wouldn't be so cruel to take something so precious away from him. It sounds messed up to think of it that way, to not want the baby to be Emmett's, but he wants so badly to have created a life with his princess.

He misses her even if he's talked to her over the phone every night since she left. He can still hear the heartbreak in her voice, but when they're together, _finally _together, he'll be the balm to her soul like she is to his.

They need each other, and he's not going to let her get away.

With Bella comes Nova and Jack, and his heart is big enough for all of them. He's the dad that lost a daughter - Nova and Jack are the daughter and son who lost a father. Edward can help heal them, too.

A tiny nose pushes against his boots as he works on his bike, and he looks down into the chocolate brown eyes of his new puppy. On Thanksgiving, instead of spending it alone, he went to the animal shelter and adopted a chocolate lab puppy.

Baxter.

_Bax._

He's a lovable little guy.

Edward picks him up and holds him on his lap while he finishes messing with his bike - a bike he's not going to see a lot of miles on once his new SUV is ready. It's crazy to think he went out and bought a family car, but he plans on having a family the second Bella pulls up to her house.

Eight months and three days away from her is all he can handle.

He wants his princess and her kids, even Bear and Tiger although Tiger barely made the cut.

His eyes scan the street, anxious to see Bella pulling up.

Fuck, he can't wait.

~o~O~o~

...BB…

My hands tighten around the steering wheel the closer we get to our neighborhood - in nervousness, _excitement_, I just don't know.

The kids are asleep - a miracle in itself - and Mrs. Levitt is talking my ear off. I love her for it, but I can hardly focus on what she's saying.

My mind is on Edward and how much I've missed him these past three days - these past _eight_ months.

Finally seeing him after such a heartbreaking experience, it knitted a piece of my heart back together.

Emmett's gone - never coming back. Edward's here, and he wants to be with me - with Nova and Jack Jack. He can't replace Emmett, but he's not trying to. Edward isn't even second best. He's just _different. _There's no use comparing because that isn't fair to Emmett or Edward.

Our baby is coming soon, and I have to be able to move on whether it's alone or with Edward.

My mind says I need to be alone, to get over the death of Emmett on my own, but my heart weeps for Edward's love. He needs me just as much as I need him.

We can heal each other.

My stomach flutters once we pull down our street. Mrs. Levitt is still going on and on - my favorite old lady - but my eyes are partly on the road and partly on Edward as he looks over his shoulder.

_God, I _missed _him._

"It's a good thing the children are asleep, dear," Mrs. Levitt says, pointing a gnarled finger toward Edward.

He's standing now with a...is that a _puppy_?

Edward said all those months ago that he's never had a dog before because his mom was allergic, and now he _does._

That makes my heart constrict painfully.

I manage to get us parked in the driveway while watching Edward cross the street, a small smile on that fucking cute face of his.

He opens Mrs. Levitt's door and helps her out, but she pokes her head back into the car and says, "I'm going to head on home. I'll see you for breakfast tomorrow."

"Okay," I say, knowing what the nosy little lady is up to, but this time I don't really care.

Mrs. Levitt turns to Edward and pats his chest and pets his puppy. "What a cute little thing. You bring him over one day and we'll have a playdate with my Tabby."

That puppy will _eat_ Tabby!

"How are you, Nancy?" Edward asks and kisses her cheek.

"I'm good, dear."

She hobbles off, and I feel like everything's happening in slow motion. The way Edward squats in Mrs. Levitt's open doorway, his emerald peepers devouring me, the way my heart pounds a steady beat in my chest.

"Hey princess," he says, and I feel those two words everywhere.

His puppy squirms in his arms.

"You got a puppy?" I choke out, clear my throat, squeeze my hands in a death grip around the steering wheel.

This is _Edward._

My thief - my _baby daddy_. There's really no reason to be scared of him. We're in this together now, and I love the way he's looking at me.

"This is Bax," he says, holding the cute thing up.

Bear lets out a little bark in the backseat, and Bax looks around all wide-eyed and squirmy, making Edward chuckle.

"Are you going to get out of the car, princess?"

_No._

_Yes._

I want to hug him, just wrap my arms around him and hold on forever. I fucking _need _to. I loosen my hands and shake them out before pushing my door open. Edward shuts the passenger door and then he's suddenly at my door, holding his hand out for me.

I place my hand in his and feel like crying. He squeezes gently and helps me from the car. My heart is pounding an uneven beat in my chest. He kisses my forehead, his big hand holding the back of my head.

"Be with me, princess. Let me take care of you..."

_God, it fucking hurts._

"...I missed you. So fucking much."

I fall into his chest, smushing the hell out of Bax and hug the crap out of him. "I missed you, too," I mumble against his shirt, snuggling as close as I can get. He's so fucking warm and real and _here_, and I need him so badly that I feel guilty about it.

I can't stand the feeling, but then Edward's squeezing the life out of me, pulling me harder into his body, and I no longer smell the lies and deceit, only the love he feels for me.

He pulls back and kisses my wet cheeks. "Let me help you get Jack and Nova in."

I nod, and he steps back, handing off Bax to me. He grabs Tiger in his cage, and Bear in the other hand, and I unlock the front door and listen to him take them to the washroom. He comes back for Bax and grabs him, kissing me roughly on the lips before taking Bax to the washroom with the other animals.

He's back again, and he pulls Nova from the car, and I watch as my crazy girl sleepily snuggles into Edward's neck. Edward passes me by, and I decide to get Jack Jack myself and shut the car door.

"Mama," he murmurs, lifting his head, looking around before resting it back on my shoulder.

"Shhh," I whisper, stepping into the house and closing the door. Edward appears from the hallway and then pulls Jack from my arms before disappearing back down the hallway to lay him down.

Is this what it's going to be like now? Edward helping me do all the things I've done alone since Emmett died.

Will Jack and Nova accept him?

They loved Edward before, but will they love Edward if they know _I _love Edward? How am I supposed to tell them that the baby in my belly is _Edward's _baby?

What the fuck are we actually doing here?

Edward in Emmett's house doesn't feel good. Being here - with _him_ \- it's too much. This house, the memories, I can't make new ones here with a new man, a man that I chose to love and make a baby with while married to my husband.

It feels sick and wrong and not fair to Emmett.

Edward's suddenly in front of me, his hands tilting my head back, his stupid gorgeous eyes scanning my face. "What is it?"

"We have to move," I blurt, feeling like my heart is cracking in two.

And _we_?

Yes, _we._

Edward, me, the kids, we're all in this together now.

"You want to move?"

I bite my lip, nod my head, squeeze Edward's wrists and try not to cry. I'm so over fucking crying. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I want to bring our baby happily into the world. He - _she_ \- deserves a happy home with her or _his _crazy sister and brother. He or she deserves a loving mommy and daddy who _love _each other.

_I'm so fucking sorry, Emmett._

Edward's it for me now. He's not second choice or the _only_ choice. As much as it hurts to admit, I would have chosen Edward whether Emmett was alive or not. God, I feel like the worst fucking person admitting that, but I feel it now - that soul changing connection, and I just want to fucking _live._

"Can we?"

"We?"

I nod. "And Mrs. Levitt."

Edward chuckles, his hands moving to my stomach, and I watch as his eyes leave my face and land on my belly.

I don't hate him.

I don't hate _myself._

It's time to move on.

This is it.

This is _us._

~o~O~o~

...EC…

Fuck, she wants to move.

She wants to move and take him with her.

Edward's hands softly rub Bella's beautiful belly, and he can't fucking wait to meet his little princess or his little boy. He doesn't care about the gender as long as they look like their gorgeous mommy.

"I don't know how I've survived this long without you, princess," he says, pulling her into his arms - as far as she will go her belly in the way. He leans down and presses a kiss to her wobbling lips, wanting to devour her whole.

She whimpers, and he slips his tongue inside her mouth, savoring the taste of her, wanting to do _more_ than taste her.

She makes him fucking breathless.

She makes him feel whole again.

"You're killing me," Bella whispers, gripping his shirt, lifting her head to devour him with those grey eyes. "I…" she bites her lip, looks away before looking into his eyes again. "...I can't be here with you."

Edward's heart splinters, but then she's shaking her head and pulling him closer. "I want you so much it hurts, but this house…" she swallows roughly. "...it doesn't feel right."

He nods, understanding everything she's saying, not liking that he can't have her right here right now like his cock is demanding, but he gets it. He really fucking does. "I want to take you out," he says, smiling down at his pretty princess. "On a date. Can you get Mrs. Levitt to watch Jack and Nova?"

She smiles slowly and nods. "A real date?"

"Yeah," he says, kissing all over her face.

"Okay," she breathes, gripping onto his arms.

"This - _us_ \- has always made so much fucking sense. Let me show you."

She nods again, and he kisses her again, one last taste before he leaves her alone in the house she shared with Emmett.

Fuck, just thinking about it does fucked up shit to his head. He doesn't want to leave her for the night but tomorrow she's his.

Tomorrow and _forever._

~o~O~o~

...BB...

"I go with you, mama," Jack Jack says, reaching his hands up, so I'll pick him up.

Edward stands in the kitchen, listening to Nova - who has been cradling Bax like a little baby for the last 10 minutes - tell him about the boy who stole her lunch today at school.

_Yes, _a boy stole her fucking lunch. I'm surprised he was alive to be able to confess to the crime. Nova's been pissed about it since it happened.

"You can't go. It'll be past your bedtime." He shakes his head and nuzzles my neck. "You get to stay with Mrs. Levitt and play with Edward's new puppy."

"Yeah, Jack Jack," Nova says. "Look how cute the little puppy is." She starts talking in a baby voice, cooing to the puppy and Jack Jack squirms from my arms and hurries over to Nova, tip toeing so he can see Bax. He starts to coo and baby talk like his sister, making Edward chuckle.

"You ready?" He mouths, lifting his chin, and I've honestly never been _more_ ready.

I nod, and Mrs. Levitt - not one to miss a damn thing - starts to shoo us out the door. "You two go on and get out of here. I brought a bag over, so stay out as long as you need, dear," she says, kissing my cheek and giving me a little wink.

_Mrs. Levitt! _

Edward laughs and grabs my hand, making my eyes shoot to Nova and Jack Jack who actually don't give one shit about what I'm doing now that they have Bax, Bear, Tiger and Tabby to cuddle. It's like a fucking zoo in here.

Mrs. Levitt shuts the door on our asses, and Edward leads me across the street and into his new SUV.

"No more motorcycle?" I ask a little sadly. I've never even ridden on that sex machine.

"It's in the garage," he says, kissing me on the nose before helping me to climb up. "You liked it?"

_Uh, fuck yes._

"It was cute," I lie, smile, and laugh all that same damn time.

"One day I'll take you for a ride, princess," he says, crowding his way into the doorway after I'm seated in my seat sideways. His hands rest on my thighs, his thumbs stroking my belly. "You want to go for a ride?"

"I'm not really that hungry," I say, pulling on Edward's shirt to bring him closer. "We could skip dinner."

Edward buries his face in my neck, giving me a sucking kiss, making my legs tremble and my eyes kind of roll back.

A soft kiss.

A nibble.

Then his head's lifting, and he's grinning like a sexual freak of nature. "I have to feed my baby."

"You don't have food in your house?"

"Are you trying to ruin our date, princess?"

I shake my head and lick my lips. "I'm trying to make it _better_, thief."

He grins and shakes his head then he's pulling me gently from the car and slamming the door. His hand finds mine, and he pulls me through the garage, giving me a good look at that fine as hell motorcycle before pulling me through the side door and into the house.

We're in his bedroom, and I'm shaking - in need, in want, in fucking _love._ I don't know when it happened, but it happened.

I love Edward.

I love the way he's looking at me, like I'm some beautiful princess when I feel like a fat, overweight pig.

The last time I was in this room, I was making a mistake, but now, I want to make love. Edward grips my hips and kisses my lips. This time they whisper a story of mended hearts and healing souls - a happy ending despite the heartbreak we've both been through.

I don't stop him when he lifts my shirt, because I _want_ him. This thief of hearts is mine, and I want him to keep me this time.

"Princess," he breathes, staring down at me through half lidded green eyes. His hands find their way into my hair yanking gently, pulling softly, gripping like he never wants to let me go.

_Please don't fucking ever!_

I lean up and press my lips against his, swallowing his relieved groan, feeling all of his love in just that one kiss. He's everything that I am, and I don't want to feel bad about it anymore.

In this moment I let Emmett go and _love _Edward.

It doesn't even hurt anymore.

When his tongue meets mine, I can't breathe. When he nibbles my lip, I can't fucking breathe.

"Edward…" I gasp, yanking on his shirt. "...I want it off. Take it off." His shirt is over his head, and my lips are on his chest, his _heart_. I can't get close enough. I want to be fucking _closer. _"Edward…"

"You've got me, princess," he says, pushing me gently toward the bed. I'm sitting, and he's kneeling before me, pulling my shoes off, unsnapping my pants, pulling them down my legs.

He kisses my belly, rubs it soothingly, looks at me with shining eyes, making me want to cry. "Edward," I say, placing a hand on his scruffy cheek. He leans into my touch before kissing my wrist and standing.

He pulls me from the bed and tears my panties off then my bra. When he's naked before me, I can't help but stare in wonder at everything he is. Before, it was fast and forbidden, but now it's a slow burn and I want to savor it all.

He's kissing me all over - my boobs, my stomach, my hips, between my legs, and I'm writhing. I can't take it. I can hardly fucking _take _it.

_Oh my God!_

~o~O~o~

...EC…

Edward licks and sucks at his pretty princess, his heart thundering in his chest. It's all too much and not fucking enough. He wants inside of her, inside her body, inside her heart, inside her soul.

She's everything.

Her hands are gripping his hair, her breathing labored, her legs shaking. "Please," she begs, and it makes his cock leak all over the damn mattress.

He kisses between her legs before standing over her. She's so fucking beautiful with his baby inside her. Fuck, he can barely stand it.

He crawls beside her and kisses her, letting her taste herself, and she moans roughly. "Princess…"

She pulls back and crawls on top him, looking so fucking sexy in his lap. "I'm ready," she pants, lifting onto her knees, and he grips his cock and lines it up, so she can slowly slide him inside.

_Fuck._

He sits up and wraps his arms around her, grunting when she starts to slowly move on top of him. "You're so pretty," he says, hands rubbing all over her. "God, I missed this."

She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, giving him permission to do all of the work.

"I'm happy you're home," she whispers, kissing his cheek.

_Home._

He's kissing her lips, breathing her in, and he's feeling so many different emotions he can barely keep track of them all.

Her heart beats against his, steady and whole, and when his lips meet hers again, he doesn't know how he took a single breath the entire eight months he was gone.

He was once the thief of her heart but now he's slowly her heart healer. He wants to look into those pretty grey eyes for a lifetime, _longer_ than a lifetime.

He wants to keep her for fucking ever.

~o~O~o~

...BB…

"I don't _want_ to go to school," Nova says, crossing her arms and stomping her foot. "It's _boring_."

"Nova, you're going to school. It's not a choice. It's the law," I say, sipping my warm, _decaf _coffee while we wait for the bus to pull up in front of our house.

Jack Jack is still snoozing inside, and from the looks of Edward's quiet house, he is, too.

Mrs. Levitt's up and in my kitchen making breakfast.

"I'm going to change the law," Nova says, kicking at the dead grass with the tip of her white shoe.

"When you grow up, you can try."

The bus comes down the street and sputters to a stop in front of us. I kiss Nova's head, and she reluctantly hugs me and kisses my belly before stomping up the stairs. I wave to the bus driver as he drives off.

When the bus is no longer blocking Edward's house, I spot him standing in his yard in his jeans from last night, a hoodie, and sexy messy hair. He lifts his chin, and I grin behind my steaming cup of coffee. I watch over the rim of my cup as he saunters across the street until he's standing in front of me.

"Morning, princess," he rasps, his voice still rough with sleep. His hands land on my stomach, rubbing softly. "How's my baby?"

"Still cookin'," I say, holding my cup up for him, mesmerized as he takes a drink of my coffee. "You want breakfast? Mrs. Levitt is cooking up a storm in there."

He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and buries his face in my neck, kissing me there, making my legs wobble. "Yeah," he mumbles.

I grip his back and gasp when warm liquid pours down my legs.

Edward lifts his head, his eyes scanning my face. "What's wrong?"

I pull back and look down at my black leggings. "My water just broke."

"What?" His brows are all bunched like he doesn't know what that phrase means.

"My water just fucking broke," I say again, trying not to sound hysterical, but holy fuck.

"Shit," he says, pulling the cup from my hand and looking around the yard like he's searching for a damn table or something. It makes me fucking laugh.

"Edward…" I grab his hand and lead him into the house. "I have a bag in that closet." I point to the hall closet and he sets the cup down on the back of the couch and gets the bag. "Mrs. Levitt, we're going to the hospital. My water broke."

Her eyes widen when she comes around the corner. "Oh dear, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, trying to stay calm, but kind of freaking out now. I've done this twice. I know what I'm doing, but now that it's happening and Edward's here, I'm just freaking the fuck out.

"Yes, well, you two get going. I'll be here with Jack Jack." She lifts a shaky hand and touches my cheek before kissing it then she kisses Edward's.

"I'll call you and let you know what's happening."

"Don't you worry about us, dear. You go and have that healthy baby. We'll be here when you get home."

I nod and cry a little, just a few tears slipping down my cheeks. By tomorrow, it won't just be Nova, Jack, and me, it'll be us plus Edward and our new baby.

"You good, princess?" Edward asks, buckling me into the car.

I nod and sniffle, and he kisses me. "I love you," he says so heartwrenchingly beautiful I just want to fucking wail.

"I love you, too," I breathe, looking into his beautiful eyes. "I hope our baby has your eyes."

He grins. "I hope she has yours."

"_She_?"

"I want her to look like you, too."

"_Her_?"

He smiles and kisses my forehead. "Let's go have a baby, princess."

"Okay," I rasp and wipe my eyes with both of my hands as he closes the door.

Edward grabs my hand once he's settled in the car, and I can barely swallow past the lump in my throat.

We're having a baby.

My thief is going to be a daddy again.

My heart is so fucking full.

* * *

**I'm thinking I'll be ending this one with an epilogue!**

**Thanks for putting up with my crazy posting schedule which isn't even a schedule at all! **


	18. Epilogue

**No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

**~*Epilogue*~**

...Bella Cullen...

"Morning, princess." Edward says, Lola in his arms - like _always_. "Somebody's hungry."

Lola is Edward's twin - two big, beautiful green eyes that make you want to hand over your soul. She loves the hell out of her daddy, and only wants mommy when she's hungry. Edward sets her down, and she crawls across the mattress, smiling and grunting like a starving animal. She lands in my lap and crawls up my body, yanking on my shirt.

Edward chuckles and lays on his stomach between my legs, watching me wrestle Lola - who is a crazy little girl like her sister - until my shirts down and my boob's out for her to latch onto.

Edward scoots closer, his hands on my thighs, eyes on his baby girl eating. He's obsessed with my boobs and loves watching Lola eat. He kisses her cheek, and she gives him a milky grin, making my heart ache - the _good _kind of ache.

"It's so quiet," I whisper, not wanting to jinx ourselves. Nova and Jack have only gotten crazier these past seven months especially since we moved across the country.

Jack doesn't know what to think of his new surroundings, but Nova loves Florida.

Bear and Bax love it, too. Tiger's a little pissy - probably doesn't want to get sunburned. Fuck, I laugh every time I think about that evil, bald spawn turning red.

Edward's parents get along great with Mrs. Levitt - who we insisted move with us. She was a hard nut to crack, but in the end there was no way she wasn't jumping on board and following her _adopted _family.

Lola tugs on my nipple, making me yelp, her giggle too cute for me to get angry about it.

Edward kisses her cheek again before saying, "Did you bite mommy again? Be nice to mommy," making Lola grin even bigger and reach up to rest her hand on Edward's face.

_My fucking heart!_

Edward grins, and I roll my eyes but don't fucking mean it at all. Lola means everything to Edward, and if I get to watch her grow up, idolizing her daddy and him idolizing her, then I'll do it for a lifetime.

I will protect them at all costs!

Lola switches boobies, and Edward gazes at my hand - _at _the ring on my finger before kissing it. My God, he's such a fucking romantic sometimes. I love his soft, sweet side just as much as his rough, dirty talking side.

Edward can make love, and Edward can fuck. I can't decide which Edward I love more. Both are now my husband - heart holder and soul worshipper.

"We made a beautiful baby," Edward says, moving to my side, kissing my shoulder, my cheek, my ear - any part he can reach.

"She looks just like you," I say, kissing his jaw, loving the way his scruff feels on my lips.

"Yeah," he says, and I feel his grin and see his eyes crinkle. "We'll make another one that looks like you."

"Shut up." I snort and shove him a bit, jostling Lola enough she stops eating. "Are you done, Lola bunny?" I ask, in my mommy's crazy voice and kiss her sweet cheek. "Mmm, you're so soft. Mommy could just take a bite out of your cute whittle face." Lola screeches and giggle laughs, rolling around in my lap until she's facing Edward and diving for him, crawling up his body until she's hiding in his neck. "You suck," I mouth at Edward, and he puckers his lips, blowing me a kiss before reaching out to run a finger across my nipple.

I tuck my boobs away and slide off the bed, screeching when my feet brush wrinkly bald skin as Tiger sleeps on the rug by my bed. "Ugh, why does he always end up in here?"

Lola crawls to the end of the bed and peeks over, Edward holding her legs so she doesn't fall. She babbles excitedly, her hands reaching for Tiger.

Yeah, Lola and Nova are one in the same when it comes to scary ass cats.

"I think we need to get rid of him," I say, jumping when Nova barges in the room, a scowl on her face.

"Mommy!" She scolds, picking up her beloved rat. "Tiger's a part of our family. We can't get rid of him." Then to Tiger, "isn't that right my whittle baby?"

Lola screeches and grunts until Nova notices her and crawls onto the bed with her and Edward. Lola crawls into Nova's lap and pets and smacks at Tiger, and he just lets her abuse him, purring like he likes it.

He's so fucked up.

"Morning, Novie," Edward says, kissing Nova's head.

She grins up at him, her two front teeth missing. "Morning, Edward. I _love _summer."

Oh yeah, it's the first day of summer, and we have two months of Nova and Edward all day every day.

"I get no homework," she continues. "I get to play my drums all day. I get to play with Bear and Bax and Tiger. I don't have to ride the bus. We get to go _swimming_…"

I close the bathroom door and do my business, listening to Nova list a whole shit load of stuff she wants to do this summer. She's a damn handful, and she'll expect all of her wishes to be met, like she's the owner of some genie in a bottle. Edward has a soft spot for the cute little psycho.

"Mama, I hungwy," Jack Jack yells, pounding on the door.

I pull it open and lift him in my arms, kissing his chunky face all over. Jack's been a mama's boy these past seven months, and I'm not going to lie, I fucking love it. My girls choose Edward - my boy chooses me.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes!" Nova screeches, and Lola screech-babbles nonsense, her hands in the air like Nova.

I'm going to have two Nova's when it's all said and done - just watch and see.

Edward swipes Lola into his arms, and Nova swipes up Tiger before running out of the room. Jack squirms down and follows her, and it's only a matter of minutes before the family band starts up. Bax and Bear are usually the vocalists, howling like fucking wolves. It's all very chaotic.

"We have two months of this," I say, and Edward laughs.

"It'll be fun, princess."

I wrap my arms around Edward's waist, giving him and Lola a hug. "Your daddy's crazy, Lola bunny. Yes, he is." She flattens her cheek on his chest and smiles all in love. "She's obsessed with you," I say, a little jealous and brush her little bangs out of her face. "Are you obsessed with daddy, huh?"

She kicks her feet and grins, and I die at the fucking cuteness of it all.

Edward leans down and lays a kiss on my lips. "I'm obsessed with you," he says. "You'll always be my princess."

"Edward," I say, smiling, blushing, wanting to order all children back to bed so I can give my husband a good fucking - or love making. "I have to make breakfast."

"Let's go. I'll make you coffee."

"Okay."

Edward makes me coffee every morning, and I love it. He makes small, simple things feel like they're the most important thing to him. He makes me love him so damn hard.

The drums start their steady beat, and Lola begs with grunts and squeals to be let into Nova's room, but she's too little to be left alone, so we let her throw her little tantrum before putting her in her high chair and giving her some banana puffs to satisfy her for a bit.

Edward starts the coffee _and _toast, and I whip up some pancakes. The first couple are on the griddle when Edward hands me my mug, his hands going to my hips, his lips moving to my neck, my jaw, sliding up to my ear. "You're so fucking sexy," he whispers, nibbling on my ear. "I want to eat you for breakfast."

A glance at Lola proves she's busy and ignoring mommy and daddy's morning nookie.

"You always have to get me all hot and bothered. You shouldn't be such a tease," I say, sipping my coffee, pretending he's not making me all wobbly kneed.

"I want to bury my face…"

"Are the pancakes done?" Nova asks, yanking a stool out for her and Jack.

Edward takes a bite out of my neck before backing off.

"Almost," I say, throwing back my coffee like it's a shot of whiskey. "How many do you want?"

"Five," she demands.

"You're not getting five pancakes, _No._"

"Why not? I'm hungry!"

"You won't even eat them all. They'll go to waste."

"You always ask and never let me have what I want."

"Here we go again," I mumble under my breath, but Edward hears me if his deep chuckle is anything to go by. "Tell her five's too much, Edward."

He shakes his head, grinning like an idiot. "How about two, Novie?"

Have I mentioned that Edward calling Nova _Novie_ is the most adorable thing I've ever heard? Good God, the first time he nicknamed her, I wanted to jump his ass right then and there. It's so _special_, and she loves it.

"Fine," she sighs, always giving in to Edward. "Can I have a donut for dessert?"

Edward glances at me, and I roll my eyes and nod my head. "Yeah, one donut."

Nova smirks like the dirty dog she is and drenches her pancakes in syrup.

"She just played us," I say when Edward sidles up next to me.

"Fuck, I know," he chuckles.

Nova's _good._

"Knock, knock!" Mrs. Levitt lets herself in - she lives in our garage apartment, never too far away. "Good morning, dears. I smelled breakfast cooking and couldn't wait another second for pancakes."

"We get donuts, too," Nova says.

"Of course. What's a pancake without a donut?"

"Morning, Nancy," Edward says, kissing Mrs. Levitt's cheek before handing her his pancakes.

"Thank you, lovely."

_Lovely._

_Nancy and Lovely._

She still makes me call her Mrs. Levitt even after everything we've been through. Not that I could see myself calling her Nancy anyway.

Lola kicks and screams until Mrs. Levitt gives her her own personal hello.

"I didn't forget about you over her, you little doll," she says, rubbing a hand over Lola's head which is exactly what Lola was waiting for.

My children are so demanding.

"Want to go swimming with us?" Nova asks like swimming is a sure thing.

"Oh no," Mrs. Levitt says. "It's much too hot for me. Carl next door invited me for lunch over at his place."

Nova shrugs, and Edward side-eyes me, his lips lifting into a smirk, but I feel sick. I can't even fathom a Mrs. Levitt and a Carl together. Carl better keep his filthy hands to himself.

Who would have thought a move to Florida would get Mrs. Levitt a cute little companion.

It's kind of sweet, I guess.

_Kind of._

…

It's late - so fucking late, but Lola's having a bad night, and we finally got her to sleep. We're afraid to move her from our bed for fear she'll wake up and start screaming again.

Edward slowly moves from the bed, maneuvering pillows to block Lola's roll from the bed, and I watch as he quietly moves to my side. He easily lifts me into his arms and does the same thing with my pillow before carrying me into the bathroom and setting me on the counter.

"You do know it's like one in the morning." I say, my hands running all over Edward's naked chest, his firm stomach, dipping into his low rise shorts until my hands wrap around his erection.

Edward wraps a hand around my pony tail and tips my head back, licking a slow, agonizing trail up my throat. "You don't want me, princess?" He whispers onto my ear.

_Like he doesn't fucking know I do - the sexy tease._

His lips whisper across my cheek until they're pressing softly against mine.

I'm getting love making Edward tonight.

His lips are familiar and leave me so fucking breathless, I don't ever want to let them go.

His hand trails up my thigh, under my shorts, inside my panties until his finger is sliding inside me.

_God, what is he doing to me?_

His thumb brushes against my clit, and I gasp into his mouth, biting his lip, my eyes staring into his beautiful green ones. They crinkle, and he pushes harder, making me squirm and bite him harder.

The hand that leaves my hair and slides down my neck is perfectly soft. It wraps around my jaw as he kisses the life right out of me.

He's my husband.

Edward's my fucking _husband._

All mine, and I love the fuck out of him.

I tilt my head back, lose his lips, and meet his glossy green eyes. "We can't do this…"

He pushes closer, his finger going deeper, making my neck arch. "Why not?"

_Why not? _

"Lola's _right _out there."

He smiles and shakes his head. "You can take it quietly, princess."

_Oh shit._

_Can I?_

He removes his finger and pushes me into the mirror, my hand releasing his erection. "Don't fight what you want so badly," he whispers, nibbling on my chin before pressing his lips back on mine, sliding his tongue between my teeth.

_Fuck me._

My hands willingly crawl up his back, digging in and scratching, making him groan into my mouth. I kiss him deeper, so much fucking deeper. I want to swallow every sound that leaves his throat.

I don't ever want to fucking stop this.

His hands move all over my body, and I am begging for it. "Please…"

When he strips me of my clothes and slides into me, I feel so fucking blissful. Edward makes me see stars and hearts and flowers.

_Who does that?_

My thief waltzed into my life and took what he wanted and despite what happened, what we've been through, I wouldn't change anything for this.

Right here.

_This._

It's fucking everything.

"Princess," he grunts, breathing his beautiful word into my mouth. "You're going to wake Lola."

_Fuck._

I close my eyes, suck his tongue into my mouth, and let him fuck me slow, so slow I can hardly stand it. But it feels good, so fucking good.

I don't want the feeling of him deep inside me to ever fucking end.

It can't.

I won't let it.

"I love you, thief," I pant across his lips.

"I love you more, princess," he groans down my throat.

Fucking _impossible._

* * *

**Gosh, now that I've decided to put this one to rest, my heart freaking hurts. This epilogue gave me all the feelings. Lola and Edward melted me into a puddle on the floor! My heart!**

**Thank you for sticking with me over these long, agonizing months. I didn't expect this one to be so tough to write! I kind of wish I wasn't done with these two now, but I don't see the point in dragging it out. Maybe here and there we'll here from these two! *heart is melting***

**If you're interested, I'm writing a sweet tooth romance (When Bella Met Edward). I'm 11 chapters in and it's posted. Cowboy Edward gives me all the feelings, too! **

**Thank you, again! **


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